Re: does harry potter grieve you?

[Guest guest]

I can relate! When I was growing up with Nada, I read CONSTANTLY... I was

obsessed with Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events about the

Baudelaire orphans who were shunted from terrible caretaker to terrible

caretaker as they tried to escape death at the hands of their evil, money-hungry

relative, Count Olaf. They were so resourceful even in the worst of

circumstances, they could survive 100% on their own, and they always ALWAYS had

each other.

I dreamed of Lemony Snicket's invented organization, VFD, whisking me away, or a

letter from Hogwarts coming. I went through a spy phase and learned every way to

break out of the house in the middle of the night. I loved getting lost in kids

books because, well, I was a kid and I hated my home and school life. Not to

mention, being an only child and not in a neighborhood with a lot of kids, I

didn't have anyone to relate to. Then again, that's probably a good thing, since

I never learned what I had missed until I got older... it would have been to

painful as a kid to realize that what was going on was not ok because kids

aren't given much agency in this society.

Now it's painfully nostalgic to read or re-read these books. I still wish I had

had the guts of some of these protagonists to go out on my own in elementary

school... not practical, but better than growing up with Nada. Maybe some social

services agency would have gotten involved and sent me to my noncustodial parent

or a grandparent.

-Frances

>

> I do love the Harry Potter books, but many parts of them just make my heart

ache. The parts where he finds out about his real parents, where he feels

connected to them and it gives him a sense of self-esteem and feeling loved even

though he never knew them. When he finds out his mother sacrificed her life to

save him and that keeps him safe later in life (magically of course). And so

many say admiringly to him...oh you remind me of your mother or your father in

some incredibly complimentary way.

>

> And me...well my nada's unstable and my fada's a white collar sociopath. And

I'm not adopted, though I used to pray that I was or at the very least that my

nada cheated. Most of the time I try to shut it out of my mind, but sometimes

it really gets to me that I don't feel a sense of heritage or family pride. I

can find some good things about my grandparents and I try to focus on that

but...it's not the same. When you wish your parents weren't your parents isn't

that like wishing yourself out of existence?

>

> Does anybody relate to this? If you do have you find any way to deal with it?

Is there ever a way to not feel pain when you think of your roots?

>

> julie

>

[Guest guest]

I've never read the Lemony Snicket's books but maybe it's not too late. And yeah

the idea of getting a letter that oh it's all a big mistake please come away

with us where you'll be treated well and highly regarded. Ah, what a fantasy!

But you are so right in a way being isolated from other kids does shield us from

seeing how different things can be. I started to suspect in middle school and

by high school I knew I was really living in alternate universe from other kids.

I've loved getting lost in books too back then.

julie

> >

> > I do love the Harry Potter books, but many parts of them just make my heart

ache. The parts where he finds out about his real parents, where he feels

connected to them and it gives him a sense of self-esteem and feeling loved even

though he never knew them. When he finds out his mother sacrificed her life to

save him and that keeps him safe later in life (magically of course). And so

many say admiringly to him...oh you remind me of your mother or your father in

some incredibly complimentary way.

> >

> > And me...well my nada's unstable and my fada's a white collar sociopath.

And I'm not adopted, though I used to pray that I was or at the very least that

my nada cheated. Most of the time I try to shut it out of my mind, but

sometimes it really gets to me that I don't feel a sense of heritage or family

pride. I can find some good things about my grandparents and I try to focus on

that but...it's not the same. When you wish your parents weren't your parents

isn't that like wishing yourself out of existence?

> >

> > Does anybody relate to this? If you do have you find any way to deal with

it? Is there ever a way to not feel pain when you think of your roots?

> >

> > julie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I have always wanted to be adopted. i don't look like either of my parents so i

wish I was. I am the only sibling that doesn't resemble my father in the

slightest so I always hoped my mother cheated. but it is highly unlikely. i

don't believe I am wishing myself out of existence because they only created my

body, my soul, I believe, has been around for a very long time.

the irony is it's very likely my father has other offspring here and there.

>

> I do love the Harry Potter books, but many parts of them just make my heart

ache. The parts where he finds out about his real parents, where he feels

connected to them and it gives him a sense of self-esteem and feeling loved even

though he never knew them. When he finds out his mother sacrificed her life to

save him and that keeps him safe later in life (magically of course). And so

many say admiringly to him...oh you remind me of your mother or your father in

some incredibly complimentary way.

>

> And me...well my nada's unstable and my fada's a white collar sociopath. And

I'm not adopted, though I used to pray that I was or at the very least that my

nada cheated. Most of the time I try to shut it out of my mind, but sometimes

it really gets to me that I don't feel a sense of heritage or family pride. I

can find some good things about my grandparents and I try to focus on that

but...it's not the same. When you wish your parents weren't your parents isn't

that like wishing yourself out of existence?

>

> Does anybody relate to this? If you do have you find any way to deal with it?

Is there ever a way to not feel pain when you think of your roots?

>

> julie

>

[Guest guest]

I used to pretend I was adopted, that would be a reason why nada hated e, I

wasnt " hers " ...I look very much like my fathers side of the family, and

nothinging like my nadas...but there's no way that my father fooled around,

got another woman pregneant, then nada rasied that child along with 4 others

!! Nada knew where my father was and what he was doing 24/7 for 64 years !!

Jackie

I have always wanted to be adopted. i don't look like either of my parents

so i wish I was. I am the only sibling that doesn't resemble my father in

the slightest so I always hoped my mother cheated. but it is highly

unlikely. i don't believe I am wishing myself out of existence because they

only created my body, my soul, I believe, has been around for a very long

time.

the irony is it's very likely my father has other offspring here and there.

[Guest guest]

A few years ago, a young friend got in touch with his biological father, whom he

hadn't seen since he was a toddler. His father embraced him into his life with

love and pride. (There was more to that story, obviously, but the meeting was

very positive).

I kept wanting to ask my friend how that felt--to meet your father for the first

time and have him accept and bless you. I was genuinely curious and fascinated

and I just had to know what that was like! I was desperately thirsty to know

what that meeting felt like.

But how could I ask? I grew up with my father. He was in the house I grew up

in every single day. How could I go to my friend and ask: " What was it like to

meet your father and have him be nice to you? I've never experienced that

before, but always wanted to. Can I learn about it from you? "

I started to ask, but then quickly shut up when I realized how stupid it would

sound coming from me, who was " blessed " with a father that I grew up

with--especially to a kid who didn't know his father.

Saddest thing ever. I don't know my father, either. And I've never been to a

meeting where he smiled at my existence.

Yeah. My roots hurt, too.

>

> I do love the Harry Potter books, but many parts of them just make my heart

ache. The parts where he finds out about his real parents, where he feels

connected to them and it gives him a sense of self-esteem and feeling loved even

though he never knew them. When he finds out his mother sacrificed her life to

save him and that keeps him safe later in life (magically of course). And so

many say admiringly to him...oh you remind me of your mother or your father in

some incredibly complimentary way.

>

> And me...well my nada's unstable and my fada's a white collar sociopath. And

I'm not adopted, though I used to pray that I was or at the very least that my

nada cheated. Most of the time I try to shut it out of my mind, but sometimes

it really gets to me that I don't feel a sense of heritage or family pride. I

can find some good things about my grandparents and I try to focus on that

but...it's not the same. When you wish your parents weren't your parents isn't

that like wishing yourself out of existence?

>

> Does anybody relate to this? If you do have you find any way to deal with it?

Is there ever a way to not feel pain when you think of your roots?

>

> julie

>

[Guest guest]

Sorry your roots hurt too Karla. It's a miracle KO's manage to grow at all with

such roots.

> >

> > I do love the Harry Potter books, but many parts of them just make my heart

ache. The parts where he finds out about his real parents, where he feels

connected to them and it gives him a sense of self-esteem and feeling loved even

though he never knew them. When he finds out his mother sacrificed her life to

save him and that keeps him safe later in life (magically of course). And so

many say admiringly to him...oh you remind me of your mother or your father in

some incredibly complimentary way.

> >

> > And me...well my nada's unstable and my fada's a white collar sociopath.

And I'm not adopted, though I used to pray that I was or at the very least that

my nada cheated. Most of the time I try to shut it out of my mind, but

sometimes it really gets to me that I don't feel a sense of heritage or family

pride. I can find some good things about my grandparents and I try to focus on

that but...it's not the same. When you wish your parents weren't your parents

isn't that like wishing yourself out of existence?

> >

> > Does anybody relate to this? If you do have you find any way to deal with

it? Is there ever a way to not feel pain when you think of your roots?

> >

> > julie

> >

>