NC and waiting for the unpredictable time bomb...

[Guest guest]

I've been NC for almost a year. The last 6 months have been very peaceful, and

I've mostly been able to relax and stop looking over my shoulder every minute,

and have stopped panicking over every little decision. That is, until now.

Last week I found out that during the past year, nada has been calling my

friends and neighbors, trying to get information out of them (eeeewwww -

creepy!). She only calls the ones she has formed some sort of a relationship

with. She tells them that she doesn't know why I stopped speaking to her, and

that I'm withholding her grandchildren from her, and that her grandchildren have

written to her and told her that they are really sad about it. She asks my

friends to please try and make me get the kids to speak with her. She asks them

for contact info for other neighbors and the kids' teachers! She has pumped my

friend/neighbor (who I see every day) for all kinds of information about what I

am doing, what the kids are doing, what my husband is doing, etc... all under

the " poor-me-my-daughter-isn't-speaking-to-me " guise. I had no idea this was

going on (my friend/neighbor was completely unaware that nada is psychotic and

delusional and has ruined people's lives with false accusations, she just didn't

say anything to me because she knew I wasn't speaking to nada, and she didn't

want to upset me). Once I found out that nada was making all these calls, now I

have to do damage control.

So I had a long talk with my neighbor yesterday and gave her a lot of

background, and a short education on BPD. She knew what my parents had done

last year to hurt my family, but was unaware that this was a repeated pattern.

So I gave her many, many, many more examples. She is very kind and sympathetic,

and has agreed that if nada calls her again, she will not answer the phone or

get her off the phone immediately. She felt like she was only telling my nada

" positive and benign things " about my family on the phone, and told nada she

would not get in the middle of anything because I'm her friend. She also

mentioned that nada, in one conversation, had informed her that she was thinking

of calling CPS (child protective services) to come in and check up on my family.

My friend told her " are you kidding? if you want to re-establish any kind of

relationship with your daughter, that is NOT the way to do it! " Well, DUH! So

far CPS has not shown up on my doorstep...

But I know my nada! When she gets something on her brain, she doesn't stop

until she has convinced enough people and there is a huge path of destruction in

her wake. She is fishing. I've seen her do this many, many times - for

example, one time she got it on her brain that my uncle - her " golden " brother

- had been molesting his daughter. She started calling lots of people, and

asking lots of very pointed questions, so she could twist their answers to agree

with her delusional assumption. This went on until she decided to call the

police department in his home town " anonymously " . EVERYONE had advised her not

to do this (because we knew she just didn't have any concrete evidence), but she

did it anyway. Of course the police chief is good friends with my uncle and his

kids, and he figured out who she was, and told my uncle. So my uncle (the

lawyer) sued her for slander and won. My cousin has told me that there was

never any abuse, and that my nada is crazy. Needless to say, in nada's eyes,

they are all evil now.

So now, I'm smelling the same old pattern - but with my kids. I can tell she is

sniffing for evidence that my kids are miserable and being abused. It is really

giving me anxiety attacks because I know what this witch is capable of, and I'm

not sure how to prepare for this. Of course I will put written notices in my

kids' school files that under no circumstances should any staff/teacher/employee

of the school give ANY information to my parents. And under NO circumstances

should my kids be released into their care (my parents live 3000 miles away, so

normally I would not think of this). But I'm wondering what else to do? Should

I tell my kids that under no circumstances are they allowed to go anywhere with

their grandparents? Maybe I'm feeling a bit paranoid, but I've watched my nada

go after people many times, and I'm really scared that she would do something

evil to my kids - anything from trying to get them taken away from me, or just

getting some type of visitation, to kidnapping. She is just such an

unpredictable time bomb that I never know what to expect (even 3000 miles away

and NC!).

In the past year, I've gotten several voice messages from nada's friends, and

more recently 3 messages from her lawyer. I decided to ignore all of them

because I didn't want to give them the slightest bit of information that they

could take back to her and let her twist. One of my friends recently called me

because nada had gotten ahold of her on the phone, and my friend mentioned to

nada that she'd just received some photos from me. Of course my nada asked her

to " please forward them " . But my friend checked with me first. I told her

" PLEASE NOOOO!!! " My nada is the type of person who would look at 50 pictures

of my kids and find the one that was taken when they weren't smiling, and say

" look - she is so unhappy and miserable! I can see it in this picture! She

must be abused! " Then she would go and forward that one picture to everyone she

knows with the same sob story. And then call CPS.

So far none of this has happened. So far being NC has been peaceful and good

for my health. But here I am again, sick with anxiety about what is going to

happen next. When the bomb is going to go off. I'm sure you can all relate to

this unpredictable behavior!

Anyhow, thanks for letting me vent. Any strategies or suggestions for how to

protect myself and my kids are always appreciated. Thanks for being here!

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