Breaking NC due to grandpa's death and I'm going crazy!!!!

[Guest guest]

I have been NC with my nada for about 3 months now. I recently had to break it

because my grandfather has just passed away. I got the phone call from my cousin

(whom I was estranged from my whole life because of my nada) and found out he

was in the hospital and gravely ill. She advised me to say goodbye now, which I

was so glad I did because I was able to say everything I wanted to say.

The horrible thing about it is that I am not able to grieve the loss of my

grandfather because of my nada's constant meddling. Of course, she has opted to

take over ALL plans of funeral arrangements.Of course, she is making things

enormously difficult because my grandmother is now living with her. Because my

grandma is the next of kin, all funeral arrangements have to be approved by

her.....and who do you think will influence her?! That's right....my

nada....which is EXACTLY why my nada has her living with her. How does the

saying go? " The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world. "

I have been force to speak to my nada about funeral arrangements. I hate that

because I feel like she won. Everytime she does something that causes me to go

NC, she calls me and pretends to everything is okay (instead of apologizing,

which she will never do). She has asked me to communicate with other family

members and asked me to come visit because " Your grandma would like to see you. "

I totally see this as her way of sucking me back into her 'Tower of Terror' and

I refuse to do it. I am sticking to my boundaries and refuse to get involved in

the gossip. I politely say " I will be happy to call anyone, but if you want me

to relay details, you will have to do that yourself. " I just see tha as a way

for her to maintain contact with me and I am will not have it.

I am so frustrated that I have not been able to just be sad. I am trying to

regain those relationships that I lost due to my nada's isolation of me as a

child. I have re-established contact with my cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. all of

whom my nada told me were " evil and never loved me " . I get to hear stories of

what REALLY happened at my communion, graduations, etc. that they never attended

(of course my nada TOLD them not to come after she created a HUGE arguement).

Its nice to have that kind of closure.

AJ