so and so is going to die if you do/say that

[Guest guest]

did anyone ever get this? I got it ALL the time growing up. My doing or saying

something might cause someone to have a heart attack and die. Or since I just

did or said that how would I feel if so and so had a heart attack and died

tomorrow. Once my brother smarted off to me and I defended myself and my mother

said something like " how can you talk to him that way, how would you feel if we

got into a war tomorrow and he got drafted and had to go off to war and got

killed? how would you feel then? " . I don't even think he was draft age...that

particular incident stands out because when she said 'how can you talk to him

that way' my brother said, 'I was being sarcastic to her' because I guess her

bias embarassed even him for once and he admitted to being in the wrong. that

was the only time he copped to it though she was always biased about him in this

way.

I think this warped me because I became afraid to stand up for myself or 'talk

back' or defend myself. I can't get my breath and I stutter. I physically shake.

I mean it really affected me in terms of having the ability to speak out when I

am wronged or mistreated by someone. it's like I hyperventilate, I think my

child mind still thinks I have the power to kill them or something.