exposure therapy with BP supervisor at work

[Guest guest]

Here is a list of all the skills I am learning dealing with a BP behaving

supervisor as a non adult KO:

1. not to let her behaviors unnerve me. I don't get nervous as much anymore; I

just do my job. My anxiety level is much less than when I began the job,

although still working on this. I do get upset stomachs on meeting days.

2. to document and hold her accountable, to her face, with others present, and

to her superiors, as much as I can. Cc people on the emails, document, document.

Even file things with HR when she is really out of line.

3. to have faith that it's going to be okay

4. to go about my business and focus on my goals

5. to speak up and connect with many other people at work, not just her. The

more people I know, the more I realize that most people there see she is " nuts " .

I have a lot of allies and friends, really amazing how many people can't stand

her and know something is wrong. I find that really amazing, I wonder if as a

child, the same was true but I didn't know because nada had me controlled.

6. to set boundaries and stick to them, no matter how smeary and Ozzy she gets;

to know that my boundaries are my rights and I don't need to explain, she just

needs to worry about respecting my boundary

7. to keep doing my job to the best of my ability

8. when I make a mistake, not to get nervous because of her smearing campaigns

and her blaming, but rather to point out her behavior

9. to point out her behavior regularly

10. to accept that this is part of my journey in life, and enjoy it for the

lessons it is offering me.

11. to not let her make me nervous, to remain calm and cool

12. to be confident in my abilities to do my job well

13. to keep doing all of this; I really get how we all developed hypervigilance.

This woman is difficult. As soon as I set a boundary; as soon as I point out

her behvior, she's at it from a new angle. They just keep coming. It makes me

really realize how much I went through as a child. If this is hard as an adult

in a place where I leave at the end of the day, how did I survive as a child???

The more I experience this exposure therapy at work, the more I marvel and honor

my inner child for her strength and endurance and the incredible pain she

suffered!

14. honor my inner child, and take good good care of her all the time.

15. honor myself for work well done, even if my BP supervisor doesn't. Also

related to this, I don't seek her approval anymore; I've given up on her

approval rating, still working on this one...

Hugs,

Walkingto Happiness

[Guest guest]

as long as you have a person above her that will support you you're very lucky,

unfortunately the bp's at my work have a tendancy to get away with their bs and

not back me when I need backed, rather allow too much leniency unless I haul in

the the big guns.

proflaf

Subject: exposure therapy with BP supervisor at work

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Saturday, July 10, 2010, 9:24 AM

 

Here is a list of all the skills I am learning dealing with a BP behaving

supervisor as a non adult KO:

1. not to let her behaviors unnerve me. I don't get nervous as much anymore; I

just do my job. My anxiety level is much less than when I began the job,

although still working on this. I do get upset stomachs on meeting days.

2. to document and hold her accountable, to her face, with others present, and

to her superiors, as much as I can. Cc people on the emails, document, document.

Even file things with HR when she is really out of line.

3. to have faith that it's going to be okay

4. to go about my business and focus on my goals

5. to speak up and connect with many other people at work, not just her. The

more people I know, the more I realize that most people there see she is " nuts " .

I have a lot of allies and friends, really amazing how many people can't stand

her and know something is wrong. I find that really amazing, I wonder if as a

child, the same was true but I didn't know because nada had me controlled.

6. to set boundaries and stick to them, no matter how smeary and Ozzy she gets;

to know that my boundaries are my rights and I don't need to explain, she just

needs to worry about respecting my boundary

7. to keep doing my job to the best of my ability

8. when I make a mistake, not to get nervous because of her smearing campaigns

and her blaming, but rather to point out her behavior

9. to point out her behavior regularly

10. to accept that this is part of my journey in life, and enjoy it for the

lessons it is offering me.

11. to not let her make me nervous, to remain calm and cool

12. to be confident in my abilities to do my job well

13. to keep doing all of this; I really get how we all developed hypervigilance.

This woman is difficult. As soon as I set a boundary; as soon as I point out

her behvior, she's at it from a new angle. They just keep coming. It makes me

really realize how much I went through as a child. If this is hard as an adult

in a place where I leave at the end of the day, how did I survive as a child???

The more I experience this exposure therapy at work, the more I marvel and honor

my inner child for her strength and endurance and the incredible pain she

suffered!

14. honor my inner child, and take good good care of her all the time.

15. honor myself for work well done, even if my BP supervisor doesn't. Also

related to this, I don't seek her approval anymore; I've given up on her

approval rating, still working on this one...

Hugs,

Walkingto Happiness

[Guest guest]

Yes, actually, I don't think I have support at all. It's kind of a tricky

thing, I am just waiting to see what happens, and expecting very little, but

learning these skills while I can.

I have a hard time not getting nervous and anticipating the next blow. It's

almost like I know there is a smear campaign or I know that I'm going to be

blamed for everything under the sun when I make a small normal mistake. For

once, at least, and please laugh at this, my instincts are right on target.

Because I usually feel like this, but at this work place it actually happens.

The whole thing makes me nervous, but I am worlds better at this than I was when

I began working there. I really find exposure therapy to be really what I need

right now. I went from being a nervous wreck to being able to somewhat tolerate

knowing the next blow is probably coming.

I know eventually something will have to change, but I'm not quite ready to make

a move yet. They have to give me a certain amount of notice if they do want to

get rid of me; it's in my contract, so I am ok with waiting for that to actually

happen before I really start looking seriously,although I know at any time Ms BP

could have the upper hand, She has been there for ages and they seem to tolerate

her. It could go either way. I am focusing on learning ways/skills to deal with

her right now.

Thanks

walkingto Happiness

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> Subject: exposure therapy with BP supervisor at work

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Saturday, July 10, 2010, 9:24 AM

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> Here is a list of all the skills I am learning dealing with a BP

behaving supervisor as a non adult KO:

>

>

>

> 1. not to let her behaviors unnerve me. I don't get nervous as much anymore;

I just do my job. My anxiety level is much less than when I began the job,

although still working on this. I do get upset stomachs on meeting days.

>

>

>

> 2. to document and hold her accountable, to her face, with others present, and

to her superiors, as much as I can. Cc people on the emails, document, document.

Even file things with HR when she is really out of line.

>

>

>

> 3. to have faith that it's going to be okay

>

>

>

> 4. to go about my business and focus on my goals

>

>

>

> 5. to speak up and connect with many other people at work, not just her. The

more people I know, the more I realize that most people there see she is " nuts " .

I have a lot of allies and friends, really amazing how many people can't stand

her and know something is wrong. I find that really amazing, I wonder if as a

child, the same was true but I didn't know because nada had me controlled.

>

>

>

> 6. to set boundaries and stick to them, no matter how smeary and Ozzy she

gets; to know that my boundaries are my rights and I don't need to explain, she

just needs to worry about respecting my boundary

>

>

>

> 7. to keep doing my job to the best of my ability

>

>

>

> 8. when I make a mistake, not to get nervous because of her smearing campaigns

and her blaming, but rather to point out her behavior

>

>

>

> 9. to point out her behavior regularly

>

>

>

> 10. to accept that this is part of my journey in life, and enjoy it for the

lessons it is offering me.

>

>

>

> 11. to not let her make me nervous, to remain calm and cool

>

>

>

> 12. to be confident in my abilities to do my job well

>

>

>

> 13. to keep doing all of this; I really get how we all developed

hypervigilance. This woman is difficult. As soon as I set a boundary; as soon

as I point out her behvior, she's at it from a new angle. They just keep

coming. It makes me really realize how much I went through as a child. If this

is hard as an adult in a place where I leave at the end of the day, how did I

survive as a child??? The more I experience this exposure therapy at work, the

more I marvel and honor my inner child for her strength and endurance and the

incredible pain she suffered!

>

>

>

> 14. honor my inner child, and take good good care of her all the time.

>

>

>

> 15. honor myself for work well done, even if my BP supervisor doesn't. Also

related to this, I don't seek her approval anymore; I've given up on her

approval rating, still working on this one...

>

>

>

> Hugs,

>

> Walkingto Happiness

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