Re: Rose Colored Glasses?

[Guest guest]

I've been NC for about about two years now.

I'm sure I have good memories, but I can't think about them too much. They just

makes me sad. And makes my newly peaceful world confusing.

>

> I really want to believe that I have some good memories somewhere

> that are locked away, about my nada. I am finding all kinds of bad

> memories that are being brought up as I read the posts from here. I

> have decided to start two notebooks. One for the bad memories ...one

> for the good. Unfortunately I haven't found anything to put in the

> good memories.

>

> Does anyone else have this problem?...or am I just willing to see all

> the negative? I know that I am the bad child...but shouldn't I

> recall some good too?...or is it so deep down inside of me that I am

> scared to bring it out, for fear that it will be taken away from me?

>

> I have tons of good memories about my siblings, father, grandparents,

> husband, children...but none about nada.

>

> Or are my rose colored glasses on too tight?...That all I want to do

> is see the good in everyone...even nada?

>

> mmmmmm?????

> B

>

[Guest guest]

I try not to think about my childhood much. But as my nada gets older, I keep

thinking it would be nice to have something positive to remember once she's

gone. Too many things that could have been nice, she's ruined with her anger and

complaints. If I struggle to think, there were things in my childhood that were

nice. But it was the activity, not her, that made it nice. She just happened to

be in the room at the time. Working peacefully on a crossword puzzle. Having a

piece of cake. Ummm, that's all I can think of right now. The things that gave

me real pleasure, she wasn't there: being at the library, walking the

neighborhood in the Spring, looking for pollywogs, enjoying an ice cream

sandwich. I was happier alone.

>

> >

> > I really want to believe that I have some good memories somewhere

> > that are locked away, about my nada. I am finding all kinds of bad

> > memories that are being brought up as I read the posts from here. I

> > have decided to start two notebooks. One for the bad memories ...one

> > for the good. Unfortunately I haven't found anything to put in the

> > good memories.

> >

> > Does anyone else have this problem?...or am I just willing to see all

> > the negative? I know that I am the bad child...but shouldn't I

> > recall some good too?...or is it so deep down inside of me that I am

> > scared to bring it out, for fear that it will be taken away from me?

> >

> > I have tons of good memories about my siblings, father, grandparents,

> > husband, children...but none about nada.

> >

> > Or are my rose colored glasses on too tight?...That all I want to do

> > is see the good in everyone...even nada?

> >

> > mmmmmm?????

> > B

> >

>