Re: Even my friend of 20 years is a flying monkey for Nada

[Guest guest]

I am convinced that nobody in the outside world will ever ever understand. The

one and only way to understand is to fall down the rabbit hole yourself, and

somehow manage realize that you in a rabbit hole, and climb out. Only then can

you figure out what you are dealing with. That's why I never really look to

people in my world for advice, help or sympathy.

I felt so fortunate that once while dealing with nada in court I had a cop who

was helping me who completely understood, but only because he also had a

borderline in his life. He was such a blessing, and had no problem going for

nadas neck, but I know that is rare. We never got close but I knew I could tell

him things without looking crazy.

At work I am a closed book, I had a woman I thought I could open up to because

she is so sweet and her mom sounds like a real whack job, she regularly opens up

to me. She has problems with her mom, and brother who suffar with bipolar and

compulsive lying, but bipolar is a walk in the park compared to borderline. She

just doesn't get it, and her solution is to just try and work things out, she

always gets sucked into the lies and really thinks they will change. But with

borderline it's not that simple, if only it were. It's like she doesn't get how

serious it is. Nobody will understand unless they have a bpd in their life.

I lost all my friends because of this, either they chose nada, nada chose them.

When you find a person whom you can truly open up with and share this is golden.

It's a bond for life. My very best 2 friends are also a KO's and I don't have to

talk to them weekly, I don't have to explain anything, they just knows me. The

only thing I am embarrassed to tell them is my lack of faith in God. Nada was so

big in hell fire and brimstone and the end of times. I have really struggled

with my faith, and I don't like to talk about it, especially not to my grandma

and my 2 best friends who are all big on God and faith. My sister always tells

me now I am not a Christian anymore and I am going to hell cuz I am not saved,

but she doesn't know me. I guess that's why it's good to have big variety of

friends, I can talk to my dh and friends here about my faith struggles,

something I would never talk to my other friends about in fear of being judged.

Thanks for listening. It feels good to just be me.

>

> My dear school friend of over 20 years rang me the other night to tell me of

Nada's ex-boyfriend's death. She is in the same town and still in contact with

her. She advised me to ring Nada as she is devastated about it even though they

have been broken up for 4 years now. He left her for someone else after an 18

year realationship mind you. Nada can still get people to feel sorry for her

under any circumstance it proves.

>

> I couldn't believe it. This friend knows that I have gone NC. I told her

thanks for letting me know but I wont be contacting Nada and I changed the

subject.

>

> I think it just made me sad/mad that even a close friend cannot understand my

decision in going NC. Even after I have tried to explain the reason for doing

so. She grew up with me in my teenage years and seen things for herself but

still feels sorry for Nada.

>

> Nada often rings her drunk and cries on her shoulder about me.

> It just confirmed that I really can't explain all this to others and make them

understand. Even close friends.

> So many people say " but she's your Mother " .

> I suppose that is why we are all here. It is hard believing sometimes that

you have made the right decision and sticking to it.

> I think it is the judgement of others for me that i find difficult. Like I

have turned into a hard un-loving person.

> I do believe in what I have done and going NC to be the very best thing for

me. It is one of the hardest things I have ever done but I am staying strong.

> Kazam x

>

[Guest guest]

I agree with you when you said " It feels good to just be me " . That's exactly how

I feel. Finally free to have my own life and think for myself.

Kazam x

> >

> > My dear school friend of over 20 years rang me the other night to tell me of

Nada's ex-boyfriend's death. She is in the same town and still in contact with

her. She advised me to ring Nada as she is devastated about it even though they

have been broken up for 4 years now. He left her for someone else after an 18

year realationship mind you. Nada can still get people to feel sorry for her

under any circumstance it proves.

> >

> > I couldn't believe it. This friend knows that I have gone NC. I told her

thanks for letting me know but I wont be contacting Nada and I changed the

subject.

> >

> > I think it just made me sad/mad that even a close friend cannot understand

my decision in going NC. Even after I have tried to explain the reason for

doing so. She grew up with me in my teenage years and seen things for herself

but still feels sorry for Nada.

> >

> > Nada often rings her drunk and cries on her shoulder about me.

> > It just confirmed that I really can't explain all this to others and make

them understand. Even close friends.

> > So many people say " but she's your Mother " .

> > I suppose that is why we are all here. It is hard believing sometimes that

you have made the right decision and sticking to it.

> > I think it is the judgement of others for me that i find difficult. Like I

have turned into a hard un-loving person.

> > I do believe in what I have done and going NC to be the very best thing for

me. It is one of the hardest things I have ever done but I am staying strong.

> > Kazam x

> >

>

[Guest guest]

that reeks. It makes me wonder if they go by 'the art of war' or something when

it comes to friendship. They don't make inroads on your friendships by accident,

they do it to gain territory and alter your sense of reality. My dad does this

crap. They want to make KO's feel crazy. You can just sense the dysfunction they

must have grown up with because they are literally fighting over freaking

REALITY as if it can be negotiated or bartered.

>

> My dear school friend of over 20 years rang me the other night to tell me of

Nada's ex-boyfriend's death. She is in the same town and still in contact with

her. She advised me to ring Nada as she is devastated about it even though they

have been broken up for 4 years now. He left her for someone else after an 18

year realationship mind you. Nada can still get people to feel sorry for her

under any circumstance it proves.

>

> I couldn't believe it. This friend knows that I have gone NC. I told her

thanks for letting me know but I wont be contacting Nada and I changed the

subject.

>

> I think it just made me sad/mad that even a close friend cannot understand my

decision in going NC. Even after I have tried to explain the reason for doing

so. She grew up with me in my teenage years and seen things for herself but

still feels sorry for Nada.

>

> Nada often rings her drunk and cries on her shoulder about me.

> It just confirmed that I really can't explain all this to others and make them

understand. Even close friends.

> So many people say " but she's your Mother " .

> I suppose that is why we are all here. It is hard believing sometimes that

you have made the right decision and sticking to it.

> I think it is the judgement of others for me that i find difficult. Like I

have turned into a hard un-loving person.

> I do believe in what I have done and going NC to be the very best thing for

me. It is one of the hardest things I have ever done but I am staying strong.

> Kazam x

>

[Guest guest]

Yep, I had a friendship of twenty years go sour over this kind of thing. We

weren't that close but we'd been friends off and on a long time. Close enough

that she saw how crazy my nada made me - how much distress I felt on visits

home. Then when my nada was sick she engineered my asking my friend to help her

with something...I never should have. It opened the door to my nada having

unfettered access to her and before long my friend was " Oh your poor mother... "

" Oh when are you moving home to take care of her... " it was as if all she had

witnessed or that I'd shared had never happened. I couldn't forgive her for it

and let the friendship such as it was drift away.

Sorry it happened to you too Kazam...it really sucks.

> >

> > My dear school friend of over 20 years rang me the other night to tell me of

Nada's ex-boyfriend's death. She is in the same town and still in contact with

her. She advised me to ring Nada as she is devastated about it even though they

have been broken up for 4 years now. He left her for someone else after an 18

year realationship mind you. Nada can still get people to feel sorry for her

under any circumstance it proves.

> >

> > I couldn't believe it. This friend knows that I have gone NC. I told her

thanks for letting me know but I wont be contacting Nada and I changed the

subject.

> >

> > I think it just made me sad/mad that even a close friend cannot understand

my decision in going NC. Even after I have tried to explain the reason for

doing so. She grew up with me in my teenage years and seen things for herself

but still feels sorry for Nada.

> >

> > Nada often rings her drunk and cries on her shoulder about me.

> > It just confirmed that I really can't explain all this to others and make

them understand. Even close friends.

> > So many people say " but she's your Mother " .

> > I suppose that is why we are all here. It is hard believing sometimes that

you have made the right decision and sticking to it.

> > I think it is the judgement of others for me that i find difficult. Like I

have turned into a hard un-loving person.

> > I do believe in what I have done and going NC to be the very best thing for

me. It is one of the hardest things I have ever done but I am staying strong.

> > Kazam x

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Only those of us who HAVE BPD nada's can EVER understand what we go through and

have gone through. My one close friend up here says 'so what' no matter what

nada says to me on the phone (I live several states away). One writes her what

is going on with me at times (though every time she opens up a hornet's nest -

not realizing she's doing it and not meaning to) but she's a mental health

therapist for God's sake! One feels I should live with nada and take care of

her myself (again she doesn't get it or realize what she is asking of me).

To a lot of people (your friend included), your nada is to simply be pitied.

She's 'old' or 'she can't help herself' or any other sympathy sentiments.

Besides, nadas CAN be sweet and so pathetic when they are acting the waif which

they do to get what they want. We are dealing with emotional two year olds who

never grew up and it's all about THEM. We don't really matter and we never did

except when they need something.from us or WANT something.

You are doing the right thing ignoring your friend. He or she doesn't get it.

Do what is right for YOU and leave nada be as you have been. It seems with a

BPD once they sink their teeth into someone they never let go and they're

'theirs' even if they haven't been for a very long time. It is their

abandonment issue which is what your nada is probably feeling again with the

death of her ex-boyfriend.

Stand your ground because nothing you could possibly say would help even if you

DID start talking to your nada again which brings up another situation for you.