Re: I just think you need to know

[Guest guest]

My nada liked to start with " I don't know if you're mature enough to handle

this. " It was a no win situation. And then she would either instruct me on

something that was none of her business or tell me something totally

inappropriate. If I got angry, then it proved my immaturity.

le

>

> A few other threads woke this one up in me. One of nada s most enraging

> behaviors started or ended with the words, I just thought you needed to

> know.

>

> She would tell me for the umpteenth time, about my Dad s sexual

> preferences and affairs. She would tell me about her own gynocological

> issues. I won t go into detail, but suffice it to say I had nothing

> left to my imagination. She did this to me from the time I was 10,

> until I was 53, a few weeks before she died.

>

> She used to enrage me with it, until I finally set a boundary that

> anytime you start to talk about that stuff the conversation is over. I

> had to enforce it many times and walk away from her. Sort of LC caused

> by her refusal to live by the rules.

>

> She would use this often if she wanted to deflect the conversation away

> from her and her current craziness. I think she would also use it to

> punish me if I displeased her. And until I set boundaries about it, she

> would use it to press me until I was raging at her, despite begging her

> repeatedly as she doggedly pressed on to please stop, I don t want to

> hear this, I don t want to hear about that subject coming from my own

> mother! And as she pressed on until I was raging, her justification

> was:

>

> I just thought you needed to know this about _______________ your

> mother, your father. Ect.

>

> Once I was raging, she won. She would tear up, drop the subject and

> instantly the subject became what a victim she was and how scared she

> was of my temper and how mean and cruel I was. BITCH! YOU just spent

> the last hour egging me on without regard to my pleas to stop until my

> temper boiled over!

>

> I finally figured it out. I told her then that I would never play that

> game again. The first sentence in one of those subjects would result in

> a click of the phone or a walk away.

>

> Anyone experience similar things from dear old nada?

>

> Doug

>

[Guest guest]

I remember my nada would constantly nag at me about how immature I was. One

afternoon we left from spending time with one of nada's friends and her

daughter. The daughter was a couple years younger than me. On the way home, my

nada started going off. Saying " you are so immature! MY friends daughter is WAYY

more mature than you. They've already had lots of talks that I can't have with

you because you are so damned immature. Maybe if you would just grow up we can

have a relationship like that " .

In the mean time, I was being molested by another family member and she wouldn't

do anything about it. I don't think I needed any " special talks " or " guidance "

from her because of how demented she was about that sort of stuff.

But yeah, back to your original content, my nada would open discussions like

that, too. She would start out by insinuating that she had some big news or

gossip, and when I would bite the line and ask what it was, she would say, " I

just can't tell you, I don't think you need to know....I don't think you can

handle it..blah blah blah " .

Nada always thought she had priveleged information.

~Sara Jo

> >

> > A few other threads woke this one up in me. One of nada s most enraging

> > behaviors started or ended with the words, I just thought you needed to

> > know.

> >

> > She would tell me for the umpteenth time, about my Dad s sexual

> > preferences and affairs. She would tell me about her own gynocological

> > issues. I won t go into detail, but suffice it to say I had nothing

> > left to my imagination. She did this to me from the time I was 10,

> > until I was 53, a few weeks before she died.

> >

> > She used to enrage me with it, until I finally set a boundary that

> > anytime you start to talk about that stuff the conversation is over. I

> > had to enforce it many times and walk away from her. Sort of LC caused

> > by her refusal to live by the rules.

> >

> > She would use this often if she wanted to deflect the conversation away

> > from her and her current craziness. I think she would also use it to

> > punish me if I displeased her. And until I set boundaries about it, she

> > would use it to press me until I was raging at her, despite begging her

> > repeatedly as she doggedly pressed on to please stop, I don t want to

> > hear this, I don t want to hear about that subject coming from my own

> > mother! And as she pressed on until I was raging, her justification

> > was:

> >

> > I just thought you needed to know this about _______________ your

> > mother, your father. Ect.

> >

> > Once I was raging, she won. She would tear up, drop the subject and

> > instantly the subject became what a victim she was and how scared she

> > was of my temper and how mean and cruel I was. BITCH! YOU just spent

> > the last hour egging me on without regard to my pleas to stop until my

> > temper boiled over!

> >

> > I finally figured it out. I told her then that I would never play that

> > game again. The first sentence in one of those subjects would result in

> > a click of the phone or a walk away.

> >

> > Anyone experience similar things from dear old nada?

> >

> > Doug

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Oh, my goodness. I read that phrase and heard nada's voice all over again. I

think my father used this one, too. All innocent-like and/or business-like, no?

As if I needed to know all that crap. That was her carte-blanche line for

engaging in emotional incest.

My favorite was: I think you need to know, that if your father and I get

killed, you kids would go to this family . . .

Does a 5 year old really NEED to know that?????

>

> A few other threads woke this one up in me. One of nada s most enraging

> behaviors started or ended with the words, I just thought you needed to

> know.

>

> She would tell me for the umpteenth time, about my Dad s sexual

> preferences and affairs. She would tell me about her own gynocological

> issues. I won t go into detail, but suffice it to say I had nothing

> left to my imagination. She did this to me from the time I was 10,

> until I was 53, a few weeks before she died.

>

> She used to enrage me with it, until I finally set a boundary that

> anytime you start to talk about that stuff the conversation is over. I

> had to enforce it many times and walk away from her. Sort of LC caused

> by her refusal to live by the rules.

>

> She would use this often if she wanted to deflect the conversation away

> from her and her current craziness. I think she would also use it to

> punish me if I displeased her. And until I set boundaries about it, she

> would use it to press me until I was raging at her, despite begging her

> repeatedly as she doggedly pressed on to please stop, I don t want to

> hear this, I don t want to hear about that subject coming from my own

> mother! And as she pressed on until I was raging, her justification

> was:

>

> I just thought you needed to know this about _______________ your

> mother, your father. Ect.

>

> Once I was raging, she won. She would tear up, drop the subject and

> instantly the subject became what a victim she was and how scared she

> was of my temper and how mean and cruel I was. BITCH! YOU just spent

> the last hour egging me on without regard to my pleas to stop until my

> temper boiled over!

>

> I finally figured it out. I told her then that I would never play that

> game again. The first sentence in one of those subjects would result in

> a click of the phone or a walk away.

>

> Anyone experience similar things from dear old nada?

>

> Doug

>

[Guest guest]

I got 'i just want to share this with you'. And when I said I didn't want to

know, it was 'you don't have the experience to understand'. And I am thinking

'Well then why did you want to tell me in the first place!!!!!'

That phrase 'you don't have the experience to understand' is her catch all. No

matter what I say, or how I express my view, if it is different to hers it is

'you don't have the experience to understand'.

Nav

>

> A few other threads woke this one up in me. One of nada s most enraging

> behaviors started or ended with the words, I just thought you needed to

> know.

>

> She would tell me for the umpteenth time, about my Dad s sexual

> preferences and affairs. She would tell me about her own gynocological

> issues. I won t go into detail, but suffice it to say I had nothing

> left to my imagination. She did this to me from the time I was 10,

> until I was 53, a few weeks before she died.

>

> She used to enrage me with it, until I finally set a boundary that

> anytime you start to talk about that stuff the conversation is over. I

> had to enforce it many times and walk away from her. Sort of LC caused

> by her refusal to live by the rules.

>

> She would use this often if she wanted to deflect the conversation away

> from her and her current craziness. I think she would also use it to

> punish me if I displeased her. And until I set boundaries about it, she

> would use it to press me until I was raging at her, despite begging her

> repeatedly as she doggedly pressed on to please stop, I don t want to

> hear this, I don t want to hear about that subject coming from my own

> mother! And as she pressed on until I was raging, her justification

> was:

>

> I just thought you needed to know this about _______________ your

> mother, your father. Ect.

>

> Once I was raging, she won. She would tear up, drop the subject and

> instantly the subject became what a victim she was and how scared she

> was of my temper and how mean and cruel I was. BITCH! YOU just spent

> the last hour egging me on without regard to my pleas to stop until my

> temper boiled over!

>

> I finally figured it out. I told her then that I would never play that

> game again. The first sentence in one of those subjects would result in

> a click of the phone or a walk away.

>

> Anyone experience similar things from dear old nada?

>

> Doug

>

[Guest guest]

Congrats on figuring out how to set a limit: don't argue, just take care of

yourself. You can apply that formula to most boundaries.

Randi Kreger

>

> A few other threads woke this one up in me. One of nada s most enraging

> behaviors started or ended with the words, I just thought you needed to

> know.

>

> She would tell me for the umpteenth time, about my Dad s sexual

> preferences and affairs. She would tell me about her own gynocological

> issues. I won t go into detail, but suffice it to say I had nothing

> left to my imagination. She did this to me from the time I was 10,

> until I was 53, a few weeks before she died.

>

> She used to enrage me with it, until I finally set a boundary that

> anytime you start to talk about that stuff the conversation is over. I

> had to enforce it many times and walk away from her. Sort of LC caused

> by her refusal to live by the rules.

>

> She would use this often if she wanted to deflect the conversation away

> from her and her current craziness. I think she would also use it to

> punish me if I displeased her. And until I set boundaries about it, she

> would use it to press me until I was raging at her, despite begging her

> repeatedly as she doggedly pressed on to please stop, I don t want to

> hear this, I don t want to hear about that subject coming from my own

> mother! And as she pressed on until I was raging, her justification

> was:

>

> I just thought you needed to know this about _______________ your

> mother, your father. Ect.

>

> Once I was raging, she won. She would tear up, drop the subject and

> instantly the subject became what a victim she was and how scared she

> was of my temper and how mean and cruel I was. BITCH! YOU just spent

> the last hour egging me on without regard to my pleas to stop until my

> temper boiled over!

>

> I finally figured it out. I told her then that I would never play that

> game again. The first sentence in one of those subjects would result in

> a click of the phone or a walk away.

>

> Anyone experience similar things from dear old nada?

>

> Doug

>

[Guest guest]

that is so brilliant and succinct. I am embarassed I have taken so long in life

to accept there is no winning with my dad because he will always bring me down

to his level and worse if I try to argue with him. There is no way to win so

it's futile to even try.

> >

> > A few other threads woke this one up in me. One of nada s most enraging

> > behaviors started or ended with the words, I just thought you needed to

> > know.

> >

> > She would tell me for the umpteenth time, about my Dad s sexual

> > preferences and affairs. She would tell me about her own gynocological

> > issues. I won t go into detail, but suffice it to say I had nothing

> > left to my imagination. She did this to me from the time I was 10,

> > until I was 53, a few weeks before she died.

> >

> > She used to enrage me with it, until I finally set a boundary that

> > anytime you start to talk about that stuff the conversation is over. I

> > had to enforce it many times and walk away from her. Sort of LC caused

> > by her refusal to live by the rules.

> >

> > She would use this often if she wanted to deflect the conversation away

> > from her and her current craziness. I think she would also use it to

> > punish me if I displeased her. And until I set boundaries about it, she

> > would use it to press me until I was raging at her, despite begging her

> > repeatedly as she doggedly pressed on to please stop, I don t want to

> > hear this, I don t want to hear about that subject coming from my own

> > mother! And as she pressed on until I was raging, her justification

> > was:

> >

> > I just thought you needed to know this about _______________ your

> > mother, your father. Ect.

> >

> > Once I was raging, she won. She would tear up, drop the subject and

> > instantly the subject became what a victim she was and how scared she

> > was of my temper and how mean and cruel I was. BITCH! YOU just spent

> > the last hour egging me on without regard to my pleas to stop until my

> > temper boiled over!

> >

> > I finally figured it out. I told her then that I would never play that

> > game again. The first sentence in one of those subjects would result in

> > a click of the phone or a walk away.

> >

> > Anyone experience similar things from dear old nada?

> >

> > Doug

> >

>

[Guest guest]

We find thier insanity contagious. We catch the form that goes, when

you do the same thing over and over and expect a different result.

We expect them to start playing by rational rules. Usually they won t.

Like a boxer and a street fighter. The boxer stands in his stance,

fists raised, then is shocked that the fighter bites him!

So, either fight his way, or climb out of the ring. We stay because we

have an investment in the person involved, but we can t change them.

They will always use all the techniques that they have learned and

developed, however painful they may be, to try and achieve the result

they want. They will hurt us every time. Sadly, they hurt themselves

as well, and never achieve what they really want anyway.

We can t get them to walk away healthy, but we can choose for ourselves,

walk away, sadly, but healthy.

Doug

> > >

> > > A few other threads woke this one up in me. One of nada s most

enraging

> > > behaviors started or ended with the words, I just thought you

needed to

> > > know.

> > >

> > > She would tell me for the umpteenth time, about my Dad s sexual

> > > preferences and affairs. She would tell me about her own

gynocological

> > > issues. I won t go into detail, but suffice it to say I had

nothing

> > > left to my imagination. She did this to me from the time I was

10,

> > > until I was 53, a few weeks before she died.

> > >

> > > She used to enrage me with it, until I finally set a boundary

that

> > > anytime you start to talk about that stuff the conversation is

over. I

> > > had to enforce it many times and walk away from her. Sort of LC

caused

> > > by her refusal to live by the rules.

> > >

> > > She would use this often if she wanted to deflect the conversation

away

> > > from her and her current craziness. I think she would also use it

to

> > > punish me if I displeased her. And until I set boundaries about

it, she

> > > would use it to press me until I was raging at her, despite

begging her

> > > repeatedly as she doggedly pressed on to please stop, I don t want

to

> > > hear this, I don t want to hear about that subject coming from my

own

> > > mother! And as she pressed on until I was raging, her

justification

> > > was:

> > >

> > > I just thought you needed to know this about _______________ your

> > > mother, your father. Ect.

> > >

> > > Once I was raging, she won. She would tear up, drop the subject

and

> > > instantly the subject became what a victim she was and how scared

she

> > > was of my temper and how mean and cruel I was. BITCH! YOU just

spent

> > > the last hour egging me on without regard to my pleas to stop

until my

> > > temper boiled over!

> > >

> > > I finally figured it out. I told her then that I would never play

that

> > > game again. The first sentence in one of those subjects would

result in

> > > a click of the phone or a walk away.

> > >

> > > Anyone experience similar things from dear old nada?

> > >

> > > Doug

> > >

> >

>