I think my nada ENJOYS making me feel like crap!

July 10, 2010

I was telling her that my daughter (12 y o) had to go to ER with what looks like

a urinary tract infection.

You know what?, as I write this, I realize, the ridiculous conversation I just

had with nada...is my fault. My fault for thinking it would be normal, or at all

supportive. I really am insane for thinking if I try one more time, she'll

respond differently.

Her response:

* panic...WHAT?! what happened??

* fear...WHAT?! they're going to give her antibiotics?? you're letting them??

antibiotics GIVE you infections!

Her weaponry:

* shame: why didn't you go with her?? (my husband went with her b/c this has

been, from noon today, an effort to find a dr who'd see her; we were trying to

avoid going to the ER. I found an Emergimed, but when I called, they were done

for the day. I got dressed ready to go and take her, twice (the first time to

her regular dr, who was closed, and then to the Emergimed). Each time the place

we were going to go was closing. Finally, I got tired of the stopping and

starting and decided to get some cleaning done while we were waiting for my

husband to come home to stay with the 5 year old, b/c we're leaving on vacation

Monday. He came home and seeing that I had other balls in the air (laundry,

dinner, 5 year old in bath), said he would take 12 year old to doctor. But I

didn't really feel like I needed to explain myself to my nada. Especially not

when she was phrasing her question in a way that was almost accusatory.

* guilt: Girls like to be with their mothers during times like this. I

understand that, and don't disagree, but this is what was most convenient. She

had to go to the ER right away.

I think I told her b/c I thought, well, if she hears it from someone else, I'm

going to get grief from her.

Really, deep down, it just comes down to...I want my mommy to validate me. Sigh.

And it's never going to happen.

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