Guest guest Posted July 10, 2010 Report Share Posted July 10, 2010 HI guys, Just a warning this is going to be a long one. I had a long day, but it's not just about my day, there has been a situation brewing with a family member for 11 months and it is near boiling point. Last summer my aunt (fadas sister) came over to my place with her kids. Long story short her son was very rude to my neighbors. I called her on the carpet for it in a polite way, she got mad at me. For the record her son has a history of being a terror, not listening and not obeying the rules. He was running over the neighbor kids and over my children with his bike, and driving through the neighbors grass. Not acceptable behavior. I just asked that he not does that the next time they come over, that was all I said I didn't even tell her everything he did because she cut me off before I could tell her what happened. She got mad at me. I felt guilty for brining it up, and I tried to apologize the next day but she wouldn't take my call. Every day I called her home and cell phone number for about a week and a half, she would not pick up. I tried to apologize she would not let me. Then I thought to myself…Why am I the one apologizing? I was not the wrong one here. I stopped calling. Basically events happened ie my son was hospitalized with the flu, she called me but didn't even say hi or anything, just " Whats up with your kid " I was so mad! Why call if you are just going to be rude! Then it was my sons b-day I invited her 3 different days, but every time she made a lame-o excuse like " no my husband want to spend time with the kids, no your sons friends will be there too, no your brother-in-law will be there " She never came, called or anything. Easter, she literally was acting like she could not hear me; she would ask my husband to repeat what I would say. Other things but not getting into it all. Then her son's b-day she sent me an invite, and called about 7-10 times in 3 days to make sure my kids would be there! She even had her husband and other family member call me to guilt me into going, I went out of guilt b/c my grandma was having health problems and I didn't want to upset her. Oh by the way her sons friends were there, and her in-laws, AND I had to Put Off MY Plans! Then her daughters b-day party (today) who by the way is mine and dh's god-daughter, no invite, nothing, she invited the whole family except me! She even had like 3 birthday parties for her so I found out. My whole family is acting like they don't notice that I am not invited! Okay add a million other crazy jerky moves (like not calling me for births and other major events even though she is the caller of our family) and fast forward to today. I get a call about 3-4 minutes after I woke up, its my other nice aunt, " Lizzy can you go sit with grandma she is in the hospital its her heart don't worry it's not serious, but all the rest of us have people coming over so nobody will be there for her and we don't want her sitting alone all day " I said " sure I will always drop everything for my grandma " I jumped in the shower, no more than got out and my mean aunt called me " I just called your mom and your dad is going to come up, I am canceling my daughters party and your dad and I are going to sit with grandma today so you don't have to come because you will probably be uncomfortable " I said " why would I be uncomfortable? " she said " because your dad is going to be there " I replied " he doesn't make me uncomfortable and even if he did, I love my grandma and she needs me " so we hung up, I quickly dressed and left. Got the hospital and guess what! She lied to me! She just said that she was canceling her party so I would not go! She did however call my mom whom she absolutely hates to tell my dad to come up because she though it would stop me from seeing my grandma. Then when that didn't work she said she was going to cancel the party but she was Lying all along! She never was going to cancel the party she never did! The family was at the party all day while me and my dad sat with my grandma! I am so mad at her. She was worried that I would be with my grandma and she would not " get attention " because in her messed up mind that's what its all about! She would rather have her mother sit alone than to have me help her! My God! She tried everything to stop me from going up there even calling my mom! How sick is she! She hates my mom, it was purely out of hate! The last time her mom got sick with cancer and could not coddle her and pay attention to her she called her mom a flaming cunt. I told her she is spoiled her mom is nice and she has no idea what it's like to have a flaming cunt for a mom, I told her I don't even call my mom that she should feel bad! I know she will be mad about her mom being sick and getting attention because that means she will get less attention. I know she will perceive me as being at my grandmas' bedside as stealing her attention but I don't care all I care is that my grandma gets better. So today I left the house in the morning and didn't get back until late. I am so stressed. I am worried for my grandma who is the glue of the family. I am angry with my aunt. I don't care if I never talk to her again. But I know I have to confront her on this. It's been a long time coming and I am going to boil over. I thought she would stop, I thought it would get better but it's getting worse. I need to tell her, but every time it's something, now its my grandmas heart. I can't keep putting it off. Oh by the way she is dictator of the will she says who gets what. I don't care about money I am already out of my parents will, money means nothing to me, I just think it's a funny detail how this works. Do I tell her all my reasons I am angry? I don't want lots of bunny trails, but on the other hand I have very clear reasons for being angry and I don't want them dismissed. This last thing trying to keep me away from my is the icing on the cake. I no longer want any kind of relationship from my aunt. I want to tell her my feeling or something, and then go n/c. I feel n/c will be the best solution, but I need to make it official so she knows she can't keep messing with me like this, I am not her play toy! Thank you if you got this far, I know it was a lot to read. I am just so stressed about this whole mess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 11, 2010 Report Share Posted July 11, 2010 I am not sure this is someone you can reason with. On the contrary it seems like you need as little contact as possible with her. She is clearly nuts. It's good to write this stuff down, I do it every day with my SIL so when contradictions pop up I don't feel nuts. I would just interact with my family 'around' this woman, while avoiding direct contact as much as possible. It sounds like you were within rights to call her son down. I don't understand why that then merited an apology, it sounds like the right thing to do. Is it someone that other people in your family hold in esteem? Or is everyone 'afraid' of her somehow and becoming a target? You can have no contact without telling her that is what you are going to do. Or keep it to a minimum at most. The limits of crazy people need to be accepted sometimes. I think you should do whatever is least stressful for you. Generally you confront people when you feel there is possibility for change and there is at least a small amount of respect for how you feel. I don't see either one of those being true here. She needs psychological intervention. If you confront her and tell her how angry you are before going NC it could put her on a search and destroy mention, which it sounds like she is the type that would enjoy something like that. If you need to do so just for your own mental health then you should, but you don't have to, when clearly she's probably incapable of (or unwilling to) change. It's like when you see a rabid animal, you don't charge, you back away slowly. Good luck in handling this, I am sure you will make the right decision in the end. > > HI guys, Just a warning this is going to be a long one. I had a long day, but it's not just about my day, there has been a situation brewing with a family member for 11 months and it is near boiling point. > > Last summer my aunt (fadas sister) came over to my place with her kids. Long story short her son was very rude to my neighbors. I called her on the carpet for it in a polite way, she got mad at me. For the record her son has a history of being a terror, not listening and not obeying the rules. He was running over the neighbor kids and over my children with his bike, and driving through the neighbors grass. Not acceptable behavior. I just asked that he not does that the next time they come over, that was all I said I didn't even tell her everything he did because she cut me off before I could tell her what happened. She got mad at me. > > I felt guilty for brining it up, and I tried to apologize the next day but she wouldn't take my call. Every day I called her home and cell phone number for about a week and a half, she would not pick up. I tried to apologize she would not let me. Then I thought to myself…Why am I the one apologizing? I was not the wrong one here. I stopped calling. > > Basically events happened ie my son was hospitalized with the flu, she called me but didn't even say hi or anything, just " Whats up with your kid " I was so mad! Why call if you are just going to be rude! > > Then it was my sons b-day I invited her 3 different days, but every time she made a lame-o excuse like " no my husband want to spend time with the kids, no your sons friends will be there too, no your brother-in-law will be there " She never came, called or anything. > > Easter, she literally was acting like she could not hear me; she would ask my husband to repeat what I would say. Other things but not getting into it all. > > Then her son's b-day she sent me an invite, and called about 7-10 times in 3 days to make sure my kids would be there! She even had her husband and other family member call me to guilt me into going, I went out of guilt b/c my grandma was having health problems and I didn't want to upset her. Oh by the way her sons friends were there, and her in-laws, AND I had to Put Off MY Plans! > > Then her daughters b-day party (today) who by the way is mine and dh's god-daughter, no invite, nothing, she invited the whole family except me! She even had like 3 birthday parties for her so I found out. My whole family is acting like they don't notice that I am not invited! > > Okay add a million other crazy jerky moves (like not calling me for births and other major events even though she is the caller of our family) and fast forward to today. I get a call about 3-4 minutes after I woke up, its my other nice aunt, " Lizzy can you go sit with grandma she is in the hospital its her heart don't worry it's not serious, but all the rest of us have people coming over so nobody will be there for her and we don't want her sitting alone all day " I said " sure I will always drop everything for my grandma " I jumped in the shower, no more than got out and my mean aunt called me " I just called your mom and your dad is going to come up, I am canceling my daughters party and your dad and I are going to sit with grandma today so you don't have to come because you will probably be uncomfortable " I said " why would I be uncomfortable? " she said " because your dad is going to be there " I replied " he doesn't make me uncomfortable and even if he did, I love my grandma and she needs me " so we hung up, I quickly dressed and left. > > Got the hospital and guess what! She lied to me! She just said that she was canceling her party so I would not go! She did however call my mom whom she absolutely hates to tell my dad to come up because she though it would stop me from seeing my grandma. Then when that didn't work she said she was going to cancel the party but she was Lying all along! She never was going to cancel the party she never did! The family was at the party all day while me and my dad sat with my grandma! > > I am so mad at her. She was worried that I would be with my grandma and she would not " get attention " because in her messed up mind that's what its all about! She would rather have her mother sit alone than to have me help her! My God! She tried everything to stop me from going up there even calling my mom! How sick is she! She hates my mom, it was purely out of hate! > > The last time her mom got sick with cancer and could not coddle her and pay attention to her she called her mom a flaming cunt. I told her she is spoiled her mom is nice and she has no idea what it's like to have a flaming cunt for a mom, I told her I don't even call my mom that she should feel bad! I know she will be mad about her mom being sick and getting attention because that means she will get less attention. I know she will perceive me as being at my grandmas' bedside as stealing her attention but I don't care all I care is that my grandma gets better. > > So today I left the house in the morning and didn't get back until late. I am so stressed. I am worried for my grandma who is the glue of the family. I am angry with my aunt. I don't care if I never talk to her again. But I know I have to confront her on this. It's been a long time coming and I am going to boil over. I thought she would stop, I thought it would get better but it's getting worse. I need to tell her, but every time it's something, now its my grandmas heart. I can't keep putting it off. Oh by the way she is dictator of the will she says who gets what. I don't care about money I am already out of my parents will, money means nothing to me, I just think it's a funny detail how this works. > > Do I tell her all my reasons I am angry? I don't want lots of bunny trails, but on the other hand I have very clear reasons for being angry and I don't want them dismissed. This last thing trying to keep me away from my is the icing on the cake. I no longer want any kind of relationship from my aunt. I want to tell her my feeling or something, and then go n/c. I feel n/c will be the best solution, but I need to make it official so she knows she can't keep messing with me like this, I am not her play toy! Thank you if you got this far, I know it was a lot to read. I am just so stressed about this whole mess. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 11, 2010 Report Share Posted July 11, 2010 phine, Thanks for the replay. You are right she is not anybody I am able to reason with. I talked to my KO BF last night who I have been regularly keeping in touch with about this situation and she said to me the whole reason my aunt is mad (about her son misbehaving) is just stupid to being with, it's petty, and to keep on this behavior for 11 months is just sick. I have pretty much been n/c and l/c with my aunt for the last 13 months 2 months I was out of the country and then after that for 11 months she was mad about her son. The only contact I have with her is when she is at a family event and even then I don't talk to her. I think I saw her 2 or 3 times in the last year. I don't believe when I share my feelings she will have a light bulb moment. But the way things are going now she is trying to sabotage my relationships with my family members, and because of Nada I don't have many family relationships left to begin with. I didn't want to fight nada, but I am willing to fight my aunt because I feel stronger now and she is not my mom so it's not as bad. I can't keep going the way I am. I feel like I have to make some kind of move, I feel the need to make it official even though I am uncomfortable doing it. I can't keep silently doing n/c because she doesn't take a hint and she doesn't leave me alone, she has been bullying me fore a year now. The family has been listing to her lies about me and I am going to be taking a risk by confronting her. She is not going to change; this is exactly why I have to go n/c. But I also know I have to tell her b/c currently she is harassing and bullying me and she won't back down. I have to find a way. I have no trust and hope for any future relationship with her. As for the family…well they do believe her, but I think they feel bad enough about my nada that they won't completely disown me. This side of the family has a way of sweeping bad behaviors under the rug, which is why my aunt is treating my like this and nobody says anything. I have one unlce I can maybe talk to, it's a risk b/c he and my aunt are close, but he knows how she can be b/c she has been mean to his wife before, I won't say bad things about my aunt to him, but I want to tell him my side of things, maybe make things more nuetral. It's not easy, but it's life. Anyway thanks for listening. It's nice to have other ko's to talk to. Lizzy > > > > HI guys, Just a warning this is going to be a long one. I had a long day, but it's not just about my day, there has been a situation brewing with a family member for 11 months and it is near boiling point. > > > > Last summer my aunt (fadas sister) came over to my place with her kids. Long story short her son was very rude to my neighbors. I called her on the carpet for it in a polite way, she got mad at me. For the record her son has a history of being a terror, not listening and not obeying the rules. He was running over the neighbor kids and over my children with his bike, and driving through the neighbors grass. Not acceptable behavior. I just asked that he not does that the next time they come over, that was all I said I didn't even tell her everything he did because she cut me off before I could tell her what happened. She got mad at me. > > > > I felt guilty for brining it up, and I tried to apologize the next day but she wouldn't take my call. Every day I called her home and cell phone number for about a week and a half, she would not pick up. I tried to apologize she would not let me. Then I thought to myself…Why am I the one apologizing? I was not the wrong one here. I stopped calling. > > > > Basically events happened ie my son was hospitalized with the flu, she called me but didn't even say hi or anything, just " Whats up with your kid " I was so mad! Why call if you are just going to be rude! > > > > Then it was my sons b-day I invited her 3 different days, but every time she made a lame-o excuse like " no my husband want to spend time with the kids, no your sons friends will be there too, no your brother-in-law will be there " She never came, called or anything. > > > > Easter, she literally was acting like she could not hear me; she would ask my husband to repeat what I would say. Other things but not getting into it all. > > > > Then her son's b-day she sent me an invite, and called about 7-10 times in 3 days to make sure my kids would be there! She even had her husband and other family member call me to guilt me into going, I went out of guilt b/c my grandma was having health problems and I didn't want to upset her. Oh by the way her sons friends were there, and her in-laws, AND I had to Put Off MY Plans! > > > > Then her daughters b-day party (today) who by the way is mine and dh's god-daughter, no invite, nothing, she invited the whole family except me! She even had like 3 birthday parties for her so I found out. My whole family is acting like they don't notice that I am not invited! > > > > Okay add a million other crazy jerky moves (like not calling me for births and other major events even though she is the caller of our family) and fast forward to today. I get a call about 3-4 minutes after I woke up, its my other nice aunt, " Lizzy can you go sit with grandma she is in the hospital its her heart don't worry it's not serious, but all the rest of us have people coming over so nobody will be there for her and we don't want her sitting alone all day " I said " sure I will always drop everything for my grandma " I jumped in the shower, no more than got out and my mean aunt called me " I just called your mom and your dad is going to come up, I am canceling my daughters party and your dad and I are going to sit with grandma today so you don't have to come because you will probably be uncomfortable " I said " why would I be uncomfortable? " she said " because your dad is going to be there " I replied " he doesn't make me uncomfortable and even if he did, I love my grandma and she needs me " so we hung up, I quickly dressed and left. > > > > Got the hospital and guess what! She lied to me! She just said that she was canceling her party so I would not go! She did however call my mom whom she absolutely hates to tell my dad to come up because she though it would stop me from seeing my grandma. Then when that didn't work she said she was going to cancel the party but she was Lying all along! She never was going to cancel the party she never did! The family was at the party all day while me and my dad sat with my grandma! > > > > I am so mad at her. She was worried that I would be with my grandma and she would not " get attention " because in her messed up mind that's what its all about! She would rather have her mother sit alone than to have me help her! My God! She tried everything to stop me from going up there even calling my mom! How sick is she! She hates my mom, it was purely out of hate! > > > > The last time her mom got sick with cancer and could not coddle her and pay attention to her she called her mom a flaming cunt. I told her she is spoiled her mom is nice and she has no idea what it's like to have a flaming cunt for a mom, I told her I don't even call my mom that she should feel bad! I know she will be mad about her mom being sick and getting attention because that means she will get less attention. I know she will perceive me as being at my grandmas' bedside as stealing her attention but I don't care all I care is that my grandma gets better. > > > > So today I left the house in the morning and didn't get back until late. I am so stressed. I am worried for my grandma who is the glue of the family. I am angry with my aunt. I don't care if I never talk to her again. But I know I have to confront her on this. It's been a long time coming and I am going to boil over. I thought she would stop, I thought it would get better but it's getting worse. I need to tell her, but every time it's something, now its my grandmas heart. I can't keep putting it off. Oh by the way she is dictator of the will she says who gets what. I don't care about money I am already out of my parents will, money means nothing to me, I just think it's a funny detail how this works. > > > > Do I tell her all my reasons I am angry? I don't want lots of bunny trails, but on the other hand I have very clear reasons for being angry and I don't want them dismissed. This last thing trying to keep me away from my is the icing on the cake. I no longer want any kind of relationship from my aunt. I want to tell her my feeling or something, and then go n/c. I feel n/c will be the best solution, but I need to make it official so she knows she can't keep messing with me like this, I am not her play toy! Thank you if you got this far, I know it was a lot to read. I am just so stressed about this whole mess. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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