Re: Running into nada after NC...still awkward?!

[Guest guest]

Aw, hun... that sounds rough. I'm so afraid of bumping into Nada in NYC (I live

in a different state now) that I'm scared to go see the city with my girlfriend

=(

I don't run into Nada, but mine sends me the occasionally email even after I

sent her a letter clearly saying " I won't be contacting you, please don't

contact me. " These still send me reeling, even the nice emails. For me, the nice

emails hurt most. When she contacts me, I feel like a bad daughter: she's

reaching out (finally) and trying to have a relationship... or at least that's

what the FOG tells me. It's helpful for me to go back to some of her other

emails, the mean ones, and see her 180s.

I guess, what I'm wondering is if you can tell us a little bit more about how

hard it is to bump into her? I'm sure we can all sympathize, but I'm wondering

what feelings it brings up for *you* specifically.

I also wanted to comment on how you went NC, because, well, this sounds

horrible, but I find it very entertaining. SO SO SO many times, my Nada ended a

call with " I'll never speak to you again " or a visit with " get out, NOW " (3am

was a common time for that). Towards the end of our relationship, instead of

crying and begging her to calm down, I just said " ok, that's your decision " and

started packing my bags. If she hung up on me, I didn't call back. Sometimes I'd

even say " if that's your decision, there's nothing I can do to change it, so I'm

not sure how you expect me to respond. " I found it ENDLESSLY entertaining to

watch her flounder when the buttons she usually pushed for a reaction (or to

hurt me) just stopped working. It upset her SO much that I didn't react anymore,

well, I didn't react in front of her. I'd usually get off the phone and cry for

a bit (my poor, poor therapist had to help me pick up the pieces after every

visit home).

For me, it helps to ground myself and see all sides of the story (mine, Nada's,

and BPD's). I can look at an unwanted interaction, examine my feelings, and say

" hey, that's just the BPD tactics working, so why am I making *myself* feel bad

about them " or " hey, she may have BPD, but she's an immensely capable adult, I

don't need to take care of her or protect her. " I also lie to laugh at awkward

stories and run-ins with her. I was reading over an argument that she insisted

on having via txt message (interspersed with a *few* phone calls), and some of

the things she says are RI.DIC.U.LOUS!!! I try to embrace the awkwardness,

process it, and " master " it so that it doesn't bug me as much =)

*hugs*

-Frances

>

> I unfortunately live 2 blocks away from my nada, but I'm in the process of

moving. Because of this, I still run into my nada and fada at the store and

driving on the street. Even though I know what I am doing is right for me and my

family and don't want to allow my nada into my life at all, it still bothers me

when I run into them.

>

> Any advice on this? Just a little background, I didn't let my nada and fada

know I was about to go NC. We had a HUGE fight after my nada raged and basically

told me to stay away from her forever....DONE!

>

> Please help. A little advice to help me not fall apart when I see my nada and

fada.

>

> Thanks,

> AJ

>