Re: Nadas Not Adults

[Guest guest]

well, there is definitely an adrenaline rush. my dad does this all the time. if

a leaf falls on the ground the whole sky is falling and the apocalypse is

happening.

I wonder if it's because it feels familiar to them because they themselves grew

up in such drama and chaos. I grew up with that religious concept of suffering =

holiness so if god visits lots of suffering and drama on you it means you are

special plus it's a great opportunity to act all martyrish and impress everyone,

everyone is trying to out-martyr every one. these moments seem to become so

addictive to bpd/npd. i am starting to think that the calm, quiet moments where

you trust things to work out for themselves and right themselves are way more

scary to them. I imagine they grew up in homes waiting for the other shoe to

drop, and it must be an intense relief when it does and they know what color

shoe and the exact moment it dropped and all that. probably getting that shoe to

drop by force is a huge psychological relief to them and probably the only time

they get relief from fearing what is coming next. it probably becomes some kind

of addiction.

>

> We were talking about how they have a difficult time being supportive when you

really need someone...need a mother. Even though they may or may not have a

desire to be. They don't seem to have the ability.

>

> It occurred to me the other day, when my ex-mother in law became ill (had

surgery-all well planned in advance), and my nada was right there by my side

saying, " She will have to go to a rest home now. " Then, nada told me that we'd

have to go get my severely autistic son from his fathers house right now and

bring him here, and she'd help me take care of him.

>

> Now, I'm not stupid. I know that all that " care " would be me taking care of

both of them. It also occurred to me that she had created an entire doomsday

scenario that does not exist. Vastly increasing my stress load. And then

offered to help me with it. My ex mother in law is not going to a nursing home,

she just had surgery. She has two adult caretakers at her home including her

husband and my ex.

>

> I am not going to run up and bring my autistic son here, right now and add to

an already stressful baby sitting job with of her. But, all day, she'd run in

panicking and almost seemed like trying to upset me. I was so tired from having

my son all day yesterday and he had just left last night to my exs. But, she

would not leave it alone. She would not leave me alone. I needed to just sit

down and have it quiet. But, blah, blah, blah she kept on.

>

> It seems, looking back over the years that she has done this to me time and

time again. Created some drama, intensifying some situation (if not just

inventing a problem) and then offering to help me with it.

>

> Is that how they care by creating a problem for you?

>

> I think she was probably missing my son. Some how this has to come back

around to her and something she wants to manipulate into her life.

>

> I found it really funny that she could that easily throw the other grandma

into a rest home. But, she really thinks we all want to and will take care of

her forever...never putting her into one.

>

[Guest guest]

Unbelievable how much this sounds like my mother.

Constantly creating horribly bleak situations, freaking me out. Lately, I just

cannot be with her more than an hour or 2 because it sickens me. It makes my

stomach hurt and just leaves me feeling like when you drink a lot of coffee,

with the shakes.

I've posted so much on this and don't want to be repetitive, but last week when

my daughter had a UTI, my mother had, through her destructive imagination, the

neighborhood calling my daughter a slut b/c bad girls get UTIs, she had me down

as a bad mother b/c I couldn't go to the ER with my daughter, etc., you get it.

I'm so, so sorry for all the stress you're going through, esp with your mother

in law and son. It sounds like your mother lives with you, not sure. Too bad you

can't send her to live with someone else, even part-time.

>

> We were talking about how they have a difficult time being supportive when you

really need someone...need a mother. Even though they may or may not have a

desire to be. They don't seem to have the ability.

>

> It occurred to me the other day, when my ex-mother in law became ill (had

surgery-all well planned in advance), and my nada was right there by my side

saying, " She will have to go to a rest home now. " Then, nada told me that we'd

have to go get my severely autistic son from his fathers house right now and

bring him here, and she'd help me take care of him.

>

> Now, I'm not stupid. I know that all that " care " would be me taking care of

both of them. It also occurred to me that she had created an entire doomsday

scenario that does not exist. Vastly increasing my stress load. And then

offered to help me with it. My ex mother in law is not going to a nursing home,

she just had surgery. She has two adult caretakers at her home including her

husband and my ex.

>

> I am not going to run up and bring my autistic son here, right now and add to

an already stressful baby sitting job with of her. But, all day, she'd run in

panicking and almost seemed like trying to upset me. I was so tired from having

my son all day yesterday and he had just left last night to my exs. But, she

would not leave it alone. She would not leave me alone. I needed to just sit

down and have it quiet. But, blah, blah, blah she kept on.

>

> It seems, looking back over the years that she has done this to me time and

time again. Created some drama, intensifying some situation (if not just

inventing a problem) and then offering to help me with it.

>

> Is that how they care by creating a problem for you?

>

> I think she was probably missing my son. Some how this has to come back

around to her and something she wants to manipulate into her life.

>

> I found it really funny that she could that easily throw the other grandma

into a rest home. But, she really thinks we all want to and will take care of

her forever...never putting her into one.

>