caregiving for elderly bp parent

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

I'm brand new to the group. My mother does not have a bpd diagnosis, but she has

at least 7 of the DSM characteristics. She also has had a recent Parkinsons

diagnosis (18 months ago) and I agreed to help her in selling furniture, etc. to

get ready to move to a senior citizens high rise. I am also her power of

attorney.

She has the usual history - many, many, different jobs. Lots of outbursts all of

our lives, vile language. Walking on eggshells. She also loves to take people to

court.

She had several hospitalizations 10 years ago after my parents divorce and her

quick remarriage to someone who was not at home much - sparked her abandonment

fears. She ended up in a personal care home for three years. But she moved to

her dad's old house when he went into the nursing home

Anyway, she had a recent hospitalization where I was there for a week (in spite

of having my own family 250 miles away). She has been in nursing home for one

month and I'm supposed to go and help her move back home this week. But I also

sugested she look into a personal care home in her hometown for the winter as

she is worried about that and she sort of jumped me. Same old, same old.

I feel obligated to help her meet her physical needs but I think she needs to

recognize her mental health issues and how they affect her physical health. She

takes no medication for mental health issues at this time and doesn't think she

needs any. She also is not in counseling.

Thanks LA in VA

[Guest guest]

Yikes,  You have a full plate.  My Nada is 81 diag.  BPD.  Jumped through

hoops for years,  Then went to Coda support group meetings.  which helped

alot.  Learned the 3 C's  I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control

it.  Learned and learning to set boundaries and not engage ( when she shows bpd

characterics)  hard to not rescue.  Realized my moral obligation to nada is

she has food, shelter, medication,  I will not take her abuse at all.

Suffered most of my life because I tried to make her happy, IMPOSSIBLE task.

Now I concentrate on my life and the good things I have.  I had to let go of

nada and let her fly away.  I visit once a week.  Good luck

Subject: caregiving for elderly bp parent

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Monday, July 12, 2010, 12:47 AM

 

Hi all,

I'm brand new to the group. My mother does not have a bpd diagnosis, but she has

at least 7 of the DSM characteristics. She also has had a recent Parkinsons

diagnosis (18 months ago) and I agreed to help her in selling furniture, etc. to

get ready to move to a senior citizens high rise. I am also her power of

attorney.

She has the usual history - many, many, different jobs. Lots of outbursts all of

our lives, vile language. Walking on eggshells. She also loves to take people to

court.

She had several hospitalizations 10 years ago after my parents divorce and her

quick remarriage to someone who was not at home much - sparked her abandonment

fears. She ended up in a personal care home for three years. But she moved to

her dad's old house when he went into the nursing home

Anyway, she had a recent hospitalization where I was there for a week (in spite

of having my own family 250 miles away). She has been in nursing home for one

month and I'm supposed to go and help her move back home this week. But I also

sugested she look into a personal care home in her hometown for the winter as

she is worried about that and she sort of jumped me. Same old, same old.

I feel obligated to help her meet her physical needs but I think she needs to

recognize her mental health issues and how they affect her physical health. She

takes no medication for mental health issues at this time and doesn't think she

needs any. She also is not in counseling.

Thanks LA in VA

[Guest guest]

You poor thing. My first two initials are LA and I am in VA too taking care of

two loonies...my mentally handicapped, violent, epiletic with CP cousin and my

bipolar great aunt. After 38 years of nada I finally go NC and almost

immediately get saddled with these two.

Sorry to hear about all this.

--LL.

[Guest guest]

I think we should be friends. I've wondered if anyone ever felt like me. Like

you have spent your entire life caretaking for dysfunctional, disorder, ill

people. And have missed out on so much of life yourself. I'm so sorry that

you are dealing again with this. I wonder if it is just that some of us have

more of a conscious and don't abandon the ill. Where are the other people who

should be carrying some of the weight?

>

> You poor thing. My first two initials are LA and I am in VA too taking care

of two loonies...my mentally handicapped, violent, epiletic with CP cousin and

my bipolar great aunt. After 38 years of nada I finally go NC and almost

immediately get saddled with these two.

>

> Sorry to hear about all this.

>

> --LL.

>

[Guest guest]

They have run through just about every other available family member. Most of

them are in South Carolina. My aunt found some fool to help them move back up

here, where they moved into a rental house in the middle of nowhere by

themselves and slid into a disaster. By the time they called me adult

protective services had been called in.

The worst thing is, all I want to do is work on a novel I was writing, and now

there is no time.

--.