I got a uhoh feeling about a therapist, thoughts?

June 16, 2010

Hey all! it's been a few weeks since I've been on this forum. The family drama

has been totally out of control, like to the point I'm worried someone is going

to get hurt or killed in my FOO. So I got off my butt and got a referral and I

just spoke to this psychologist today and now I'm having an uhoh feeling. What

do you guys think?

She's a young psychologist trained in DBT, in practice for3 years, works a lot

with borderlines. I thought this would be good because I need someone who gets

how crazy the family system and nada can be. She sounded nice, I've heard she's

smart. All good things. But when I outlined my situation, i.e. mom is

borderline, need someone who gets that,she said the following:

That she is very empathetic to the borderline and finds sometimes family

members don't like that because she can't be pejorative to the person they are

mad at. She says she is very aware of how much borderlines want to change and

how sorry they are for the way they hurt people they love.

I made an apptfor next week, but I'm having doubts. I could meet her once

and give it a try, or..

It surprised me that the first thing she said was not something sympathetic but

that she empathizes with the borderline. See, I found the comments " the person

they are mad at " and " pejorative " invalidating and immediately felt the need to

defend myself (I'm not mad at her, I undwerstand her struggle....etc.). My

reaction to her comments about how they want to change was like " is she

kidding?! " I asked her if she had awareness of borderlines who don't get into

therapy or medaen mothers (yes, I know it was cryptic), and she said she didn't

know what I was referring to.

I accept that some borderlines want help and are probably very remorseful, but

my nada is scary as shit and not remorseful. I want a safe place where I don't

have to defend myself. I need a place where it's not always about me

" understanding my mom " or " making allowances. " Isn't there anywhere someone can

stand up for me? I've been horribly abused and in an invalidating envirnment

and should have turned out bpd myself but somehow because I'm not bpd my

feelings are less important? It's not that " I'm mad at her " , it's that her

behavior is increasingly dangerous to those around her and I need help. So now

i'm wondering if I should go in and give her a chance (not just 5 min phone

call), or cancel and start over. It's so freaking hard to find a therapist with

any helpful awareness of bpd!

As you can see I've hada pretty strong emotional reaction here and probably have

overreacted. Could you guys chime in? Should I go meet her or should I call her

and ask for another referral?

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