Re: Gee, thanks, Doc...

[Guest guest]

,

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

In your position, I'd strongly suspect that what she was told,

if anything, and what she says she was told are two very

different things. Nadas are well known for hearing what they

want to hear rather than what is said. I find it hard to believe

that any competent mental health professional would have told

her that you needed to call her twice a week without telling you

the same thing. Surely they'd have wanted to give you

instructions if they actually thought you needed to check on her

twice a week.

At 12:39 PM 07/15/2010 shirleyspawn wrote:

>So, my elderly (undiagnosed-but-very-clearly-BPD) mom was back

>in a psych hospital for another " evaluation " last week. Her

>behavior was bizarre in the first few days. The psych docs

>thought it was due to mixing incorrect dosages of her many,

>many meds, and as they got her " detoxed " she seemed to be

>better - although on the day of her scheduled release, she had

>such a hissy (and did some other stuff I won't go into here)

>that they kept her two more days to be sure she was ready for

>release. As the only adult relative, it fell to me to pick her

>up and take her home. Okay, fine. She was civil on the ride

>home, although she nattered on about how unfair it was that

>they'd " stuck her in that hospital " yada, yada, yada. (From

>the reports I got from her home health aide and neighbors, she

>DEFINITELY needed to be locked up somewhere (and still does).

>But she doesn't remember any of that, of course.)

>

>So she called me last night (after being home for two full

>days) and informed me that " they " had told her I was to call

>her twice a week to check in and determine whether she is

>lucid. She said she knows I won't call, so she is going to

>call me twice a week. I asked who had told her this - got

>nothing beyond " they. " Now, I told the psych nurses, two

>social workers, the receptionist, and anybody else who would

>listen that her behavior is right out of the BPD description in

>the DSM-IV. This hospital advertises that it deals with BPD.

>Everybody I talked to there nodded when I mentioned

>BPD. Nobody disputed that her behavior smacks of BPD. So

>these people, I would think, would be familiar with the BP

>Phone Cycle - first call is nice, subsequent calls become

>nastier and closer together, finally the abuse escalates to the

>point that the KO has to go NC, at least for a while. It

>certainly has been the pattern in my mother's calls to me for

>YEARS. And I've worked very hard to establish strong

>boundaries over the past several months. I even made sure to

>use the terminology, " strong boundaries " when I talked with

>these professionals.

>

>There's always the possibility that Nada is making this up, or

>has imagined it - but if not, what I want to know is, what

>IDIOT told her that we should have twice-weekly phone

>calls? What part of " Abusive BPD " do they not get? " They "

>have given her permission - and a mandate - to begin her

>pattern of harassment all over again.

>

>I can't be mad at Nada for this - she is what she is, and

>expecting her to not take advantage of this is just

>pointless. But I am furious at the psych doctor, nurse, or

>social worker who decided to throw my mental health under the

>bus because it was expedient for them to do so, after I had

>told them all that I could not let my mother have frequent

>contact with me or my family.

>

>So now I have to tell my husband and son to be sure and watch

>the caller ID, again, so they won't get sucked into the

>drama. We're back to square one. Aaaaaagh.

>

>

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

I don't buy it. But I guess it's best to ask the doc. I do have to say I think

it's interesting the instructions are for you but you weren't notified. How odd.

And if she's lucid on Wed. when you call but completely psycho on Thursday and

Friday, how does that help when you call on Saturday and she's been nuts for

three days. It all sounds very strange.

>

> So, my elderly (undiagnosed-but-very-clearly-BPD) mom was back in a psych

hospital for another " evaluation " last week. Her behavior was bizarre in the

first few days. The psych docs thought it was due to mixing incorrect dosages

of her many, many meds, and as they got her " detoxed " she seemed to be better -

although on the day of her scheduled release, she had such a hissy (and did some

other stuff I won't go into here) that they kept her two more days to be sure

she was ready for release. As the only adult relative, it fell to me to pick

her up and take her home. Okay, fine. She was civil on the ride home, although

she nattered on about how unfair it was that they'd " stuck her in that hospital "

yada, yada, yada. (From the reports I got from her home health aide and

neighbors, she DEFINITELY needed to be locked up somewhere (and still does). But

she doesn't remember any of that, of course.)

>

> So she called me last night (after being home for two full days) and informed

me that " they " had told her I was to call her twice a week to check in and

determine whether she is lucid. She said she knows I won't call, so she is

going to call me twice a week. I asked who had told her this - got nothing

beyond " they. " Now, I told the psych nurses, two social workers, the

receptionist, and anybody else who would listen that her behavior is right out

of the BPD description in the DSM-IV. This hospital advertises that it deals

with BPD. Everybody I talked to there nodded when I mentioned BPD. Nobody

disputed that her behavior smacks of BPD. So these people, I would think, would

be familiar with the BP Phone Cycle - first call is nice, subsequent calls

become nastier and closer together, finally the abuse escalates to the point

that the KO has to go NC, at least for a while. It certainly has been the

pattern in my mother's calls to me for YEARS. And I've worked very hard to

establish strong boundaries over the past several months. I even made sure to

use the terminology, " strong boundaries " when I talked with these professionals.

>

> There's always the possibility that Nada is making this up, or has imagined it

- but if not, what I want to know is, what IDIOT told her that we should have

twice-weekly phone calls? What part of " Abusive BPD " do they not get? " They "

have given her permission - and a mandate - to begin her pattern of harassment

all over again.

>

> I can't be mad at Nada for this - she is what she is, and expecting her to not

take advantage of this is just pointless. But I am furious at the psych doctor,

nurse, or social worker who decided to throw my mental health under the bus

because it was expedient for them to do so, after I had told them all that I

could not let my mother have frequent contact with me or my family.

>

> So now I have to tell my husband and son to be sure and watch the caller ID,

again, so they won't get sucked into the drama. We're back to square one.

Aaaaaagh.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, thanks for identifying the phone call cycle! I can totally relate! It makes

the pleasant phone calls not even worth it because you know what comes next.

Anyways, I am a physician and I have never ever heard of telling a patient to

call his/her family member on a scheduled basis for any medical or psychiatric

condition whatsoever. If we are ever this concerned, we discharge them to a

step-down unit or nursing care type facility. The last option we entertain is

home nursing but in all of these circumstances, these details have to be in

place before discharge. We have kept patients in the hospital for several days

longer just because these details haven't been worked out. So if nada tells you

she's " working on " getting a home nurse, that's a lie. The doctors never would

have discharged her if that were the plan. Sigh. Good luck and I'm so sorry you

have to deal with this again!

> >

> > So, my elderly (undiagnosed-but-very-clearly-BPD) mom was back in a psych

hospital for another " evaluation " last week. Her behavior was bizarre in the

first few days. The psych docs thought it was due to mixing incorrect dosages

of her many, many meds, and as they got her " detoxed " she seemed to be better -

although on the day of her scheduled release, she had such a hissy (and did some

other stuff I won't go into here) that they kept her two more days to be sure

she was ready for release. As the only adult relative, it fell to me to pick

her up and take her home. Okay, fine. She was civil on the ride home, although

she nattered on about how unfair it was that they'd " stuck her in that hospital "

yada, yada, yada. (From the reports I got from her home health aide and

neighbors, she DEFINITELY needed to be locked up somewhere (and still does). But

she doesn't remember any of that, of course.)

> >

> > So she called me last night (after being home for two full days) and

informed me that " they " had told her I was to call her twice a week to check in

and determine whether she is lucid. She said she knows I won't call, so she is

going to call me twice a week. I asked who had told her this - got nothing

beyond " they. " Now, I told the psych nurses, two social workers, the

receptionist, and anybody else who would listen that her behavior is right out

of the BPD description in the DSM-IV. This hospital advertises that it deals

with BPD. Everybody I talked to there nodded when I mentioned BPD. Nobody

disputed that her behavior smacks of BPD. So these people, I would think, would

be familiar with the BP Phone Cycle - first call is nice, subsequent calls

become nastier and closer together, finally the abuse escalates to the point

that the KO has to go NC, at least for a while. It certainly has been the

pattern in my mother's calls to me for YEARS. And I've worked very hard to

establish strong boundaries over the past several months. I even made sure to

use the terminology, " strong boundaries " when I talked with these professionals.

> >

> > There's always the possibility that Nada is making this up, or has imagined

it - but if not, what I want to know is, what IDIOT told her that we should have

twice-weekly phone calls? What part of " Abusive BPD " do they not get? " They "

have given her permission - and a mandate - to begin her pattern of harassment

all over again.

> >

> > I can't be mad at Nada for this - she is what she is, and expecting her to

not take advantage of this is just pointless. But I am furious at the psych

doctor, nurse, or social worker who decided to throw my mental health under the

bus because it was expedient for them to do so, after I had told them all that I

could not let my mother have frequent contact with me or my family.

> >

> > So now I have to tell my husband and son to be sure and watch the caller ID,

again, so they won't get sucked into the drama. We're back to square one.

Aaaaaagh.

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

, that sounds nuts....surely if they (the hospital staff) were crazy enough

to think you calling twice a week was necessary they would have told/asked you

and not asked your mother to relay it to you. That just sounds fishy to me in

the extreme. Maybe it is someone over there like a social worker who is

supposed to call her twice a week - *that* would make more sense. Sorry you

are having to deal with this hoovering attempt.

>

> So, my elderly (undiagnosed-but-very-clearly-BPD) mom was back in a psych

hospital for another " evaluation " last week. Her behavior was bizarre in the

first few days. The psych docs thought it was due to mixing incorrect dosages

of her many, many meds, and as they got her " detoxed " she seemed to be better -

although on the day of her scheduled release, she had such a hissy (and did some

other stuff I won't go into here) that they kept her two more days to be sure

she was ready for release. As the only adult relative, it fell to me to pick

her up and take her home. Okay, fine. She was civil on the ride home, although

she nattered on about how unfair it was that they'd " stuck her in that hospital "

yada, yada, yada. (From the reports I got from her home health aide and

neighbors, she DEFINITELY needed to be locked up somewhere (and still does). But

she doesn't remember any of that, of course.)

>

> So she called me last night (after being home for two full days) and informed

me that " they " had told her I was to call her twice a week to check in and

determine whether she is lucid. She said she knows I won't call, so she is

going to call me twice a week. I asked who had told her this - got nothing

beyond " they. " Now, I told the psych nurses, two social workers, the

receptionist, and anybody else who would listen that her behavior is right out

of the BPD description in the DSM-IV. This hospital advertises that it deals

with BPD. Everybody I talked to there nodded when I mentioned BPD. Nobody

disputed that her behavior smacks of BPD. So these people, I would think, would

be familiar with the BP Phone Cycle - first call is nice, subsequent calls

become nastier and closer together, finally the abuse escalates to the point

that the KO has to go NC, at least for a while. It certainly has been the

pattern in my mother's calls to me for YEARS. And I've worked very hard to

establish strong boundaries over the past several months. I even made sure to

use the terminology, " strong boundaries " when I talked with these professionals.

>

> There's always the possibility that Nada is making this up, or has imagined it

- but if not, what I want to know is, what IDIOT told her that we should have

twice-weekly phone calls? What part of " Abusive BPD " do they not get? " They "

have given her permission - and a mandate - to begin her pattern of harassment

all over again.

>

> I can't be mad at Nada for this - she is what she is, and expecting her to not

take advantage of this is just pointless. But I am furious at the psych doctor,

nurse, or social worker who decided to throw my mental health under the bus

because it was expedient for them to do so, after I had told them all that I

could not let my mother have frequent contact with me or my family.

>

> So now I have to tell my husband and son to be sure and watch the caller ID,

again, so they won't get sucked into the drama. We're back to square one.

Aaaaaagh.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

thanks for that info, shelly. I am glad to hear from you on hear, I was thinking

about you at work tonight. I hope you will post on a regular basis especially

considering what you are going through and how desperate your parents seem to be

to maintain control. I will be looking for your posts on here just to know you

are okay.

> > >

> > > So, my elderly (undiagnosed-but-very-clearly-BPD) mom was back in a psych

hospital for another " evaluation " last week. Her behavior was bizarre in the

first few days. The psych docs thought it was due to mixing incorrect dosages

of her many, many meds, and as they got her " detoxed " she seemed to be better -

although on the day of her scheduled release, she had such a hissy (and did some

other stuff I won't go into here) that they kept her two more days to be sure

she was ready for release. As the only adult relative, it fell to me to pick

her up and take her home. Okay, fine. She was civil on the ride home, although

she nattered on about how unfair it was that they'd " stuck her in that hospital "

yada, yada, yada. (From the reports I got from her home health aide and

neighbors, she DEFINITELY needed to be locked up somewhere (and still does). But

she doesn't remember any of that, of course.)

> > >

> > > So she called me last night (after being home for two full days) and

informed me that " they " had told her I was to call her twice a week to check in

and determine whether she is lucid. She said she knows I won't call, so she is

going to call me twice a week. I asked who had told her this - got nothing

beyond " they. " Now, I told the psych nurses, two social workers, the

receptionist, and anybody else who would listen that her behavior is right out

of the BPD description in the DSM-IV. This hospital advertises that it deals

with BPD. Everybody I talked to there nodded when I mentioned BPD. Nobody

disputed that her behavior smacks of BPD. So these people, I would think, would

be familiar with the BP Phone Cycle - first call is nice, subsequent calls

become nastier and closer together, finally the abuse escalates to the point

that the KO has to go NC, at least for a while. It certainly has been the

pattern in my mother's calls to me for YEARS. And I've worked very hard to

establish strong boundaries over the past several months. I even made sure to

use the terminology, " strong boundaries " when I talked with these professionals.

> > >

> > > There's always the possibility that Nada is making this up, or has

imagined it - but if not, what I want to know is, what IDIOT told her that we

should have twice-weekly phone calls? What part of " Abusive BPD " do they not

get? " They " have given her permission - and a mandate - to begin her pattern of

harassment all over again.

> > >

> > > I can't be mad at Nada for this - she is what she is, and expecting her to

not take advantage of this is just pointless. But I am furious at the psych

doctor, nurse, or social worker who decided to throw my mental health under the

bus because it was expedient for them to do so, after I had told them all that I

could not let my mother have frequent contact with me or my family.

> > >

> > > So now I have to tell my husband and son to be sure and watch the caller

ID, again, so they won't get sucked into the drama. We're back to square one.

Aaaaaagh.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

, phine, and ClimberK - Y'all are right - and once again, this group

comes through with logic, common sense, and a reality check when I need it.

Thank you for seeing through the mind-warping FOG for me. It also occurred to

me that I sat down with one of the social worker not 10 minutes before Nada was

released - and the lady said not one word about phone calls. In addition, Nada

hasn't been fully lucid for a while now - her mental state on Friday (when I

took her home) wasn't totally 100% OK, and on Wednesday and Thursday she was

confused and determined to believe her own impossible version of events

regarding the hospitalization. So what would I report, and to whom? " Still

Crazy After All These Years, " I guess. Absent a clear set of instructions, I'm

going with the general consensus - she's spinning a yarn and revving up the

Hoover for me. Thanks again!

> >

> > So, my elderly (undiagnosed-but-very-clearly-BPD) mom was back in a psych

hospital for another " evaluation " last week. Her behavior was bizarre in the

first few days. The psych docs thought it was due to mixing incorrect dosages

of her many, many meds, and as they got her " detoxed " she seemed to be better -

although on the day of her scheduled release, she had such a hissy (and did some

other stuff I won't go into here) that they kept her two more days to be sure

she was ready for release. As the only adult relative, it fell to me to pick

her up and take her home. Okay, fine. She was civil on the ride home, although

she nattered on about how unfair it was that they'd " stuck her in that hospital "

yada, yada, yada. (From the reports I got from her home health aide and

neighbors, she DEFINITELY needed to be locked up somewhere (and still does). But

she doesn't remember any of that, of course.)

> >

> > So she called me last night (after being home for two full days) and

informed me that " they " had told her I was to call her twice a week to check in

and determine whether she is lucid. She said she knows I won't call, so she is

going to call me twice a week. I asked who had told her this - got nothing

beyond " they. " Now, I told the psych nurses, two social workers, the

receptionist, and anybody else who would listen that her behavior is right out

of the BPD description in the DSM-IV. This hospital advertises that it deals

with BPD. Everybody I talked to there nodded when I mentioned BPD. Nobody

disputed that her behavior smacks of BPD. So these people, I would think, would

be familiar with the BP Phone Cycle - first call is nice, subsequent calls

become nastier and closer together, finally the abuse escalates to the point

that the KO has to go NC, at least for a while. It certainly has been the

pattern in my mother's calls to me for YEARS. And I've worked very hard to

establish strong boundaries over the past several months. I even made sure to

use the terminology, " strong boundaries " when I talked with these professionals.

> >

> > There's always the possibility that Nada is making this up, or has imagined

it - but if not, what I want to know is, what IDIOT told her that we should have

twice-weekly phone calls? What part of " Abusive BPD " do they not get? " They "

have given her permission - and a mandate - to begin her pattern of harassment

all over again.

> >

> > I can't be mad at Nada for this - she is what she is, and expecting her to

not take advantage of this is just pointless. But I am furious at the psych

doctor, nurse, or social worker who decided to throw my mental health under the

bus because it was expedient for them to do so, after I had told them all that I

could not let my mother have frequent contact with me or my family.

> >

> > So now I have to tell my husband and son to be sure and watch the caller ID,

again, so they won't get sucked into the drama. We're back to square one.

Aaaaaagh.

> >

> >

> >

>