Gee, thanks, Doc...

[Guest guest]

So, my elderly (undiagnosed-but-very-clearly-BPD) mom was back in a psych

hospital for another " evaluation " last week. Her behavior was bizarre in the

first few days. The psych docs thought it was due to mixing incorrect dosages

of her many, many meds, and as they got her " detoxed " she seemed to be better -

although on the day of her scheduled release, she had such a hissy (and did some

other stuff I won't go into here) that they kept her two more days to be sure

she was ready for release. As the only adult relative, it fell to me to pick

her up and take her home. Okay, fine. She was civil on the ride home, although

she nattered on about how unfair it was that they'd " stuck her in that hospital "

yada, yada, yada. (From the reports I got from her home health aide and

neighbors, she DEFINITELY needed to be locked up somewhere (and still does). But

she doesn't remember any of that, of course.)

So she called me last night (after being home for two full days) and informed me

that " they " had told her I was to call her twice a week to check in and

determine whether she is lucid. She said she knows I won't call, so she is

going to call me twice a week. I asked who had told her this - got nothing

beyond " they. " Now, I told the psych nurses, two social workers, the

receptionist, and anybody else who would listen that her behavior is right out

of the BPD description in the DSM-IV. This hospital advertises that it deals

with BPD. Everybody I talked to there nodded when I mentioned BPD. Nobody

disputed that her behavior smacks of BPD. So these people, I would think, would

be familiar with the BP Phone Cycle - first call is nice, subsequent calls

become nastier and closer together, finally the abuse escalates to the point

that the KO has to go NC, at least for a while. It certainly has been the

pattern in my mother's calls to me for YEARS. And I've worked very hard to

establish strong boundaries over the past several months. I even made sure to

use the terminology, " strong boundaries " when I talked with these professionals.

There's always the possibility that Nada is making this up, or has imagined it -

but if not, what I want to know is, what IDIOT told her that we should have

twice-weekly phone calls? What part of " Abusive BPD " do they not get? " They "

have given her permission - and a mandate - to begin her pattern of harassment

all over again.

I can't be mad at Nada for this - she is what she is, and expecting her to not

take advantage of this is just pointless. But I am furious at the psych doctor,

nurse, or social worker who decided to throw my mental health under the bus

because it was expedient for them to do so, after I had told them all that I

could not let my mother have frequent contact with me or my family.

So now I have to tell my husband and son to be sure and watch the caller ID,

again, so they won't get sucked into the drama. We're back to square one.

Aaaaaagh.