Guest guest Posted July 16, 2010 Report Share Posted July 16, 2010 Don't you love it when things actually turn out well? The dog bite isn't very nice but the freedom from nada almost makes up for it. I hope your husband is healing well and you have many good memories of your time away. > > I shared a few weeks back about the anticipated trip to the Emerald > City, where my Witch of the West lives. > > I am grateful our vacation cannot be summed up with a statement that > reads, " We had a good time, but.... " > > Despite the fact that our adventures began with my husband receiving a > dog bite from a pit-bull. The other bite--a planned visit with my > parents did not come to pass, for which my husband is truly grateful. > > It turned out our vacation was quite simply a vacation. I did my best > to communicate with my nada... and yet somehow, we mysteriously did > not connect ....at all.... I guess that I am under no obligation to > include my nada in any future plans unless my heart is really in it. > > There really may be a God at work in our human universe. > > Best, > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 16, 2010 Report Share Posted July 16, 2010 thanks for reminding me what recovery sounds like victoria. It was great to read this. Because my family is so religious I have had a long hard road of accepting how negative, cynical and dark they all are. Because I was told that i was the 'evil/bad' one (my father has even told me I am possessed by the devil on a number of occasions) I couldn't fathom that I was more positive and light-filled since I got into recovery. But the truth is I am a more positive and compassionate person than most of my family. I still have cynicism but I own it, instead of pointing to cultural and political minorities as the reason I am negative and everything in the world is so 'awful'. It's very strange to find that the darkness they saw in me just doesn't exist (projection) and that for all their religious leanings they are really mean-spirited negative people (specifically my parents. I honestly wonder if that is why so many teens lean toward the dark gothic clothing and makeup and stuff if the darkness in the lives of their family who pretend to be 'in the light' is being projected onto them, of course if they find it all a lie they would flee to the thing they perceive to be the opposite. > > I attend Al-anon meetings, ever since I discovered last November that > my mom, in all likelihood, has BPD. > > Today I attended my weekly meeting and I did not have to say a word > today to get what I needed. > > Today, when I heard that the family disease of alcoholism shapes the > way the family members of alcoholics perceive themselves, I replaced > the word alcoholic with " BPD sufferers " . A younger member also > said they were in no hurry to have compassion for his family of > origin. Compassion for the person with the personality disorder comes > slowly, it can't be forced. ( In fact, I tried compassion for my > personality-disordered One prematurely. I kept getting hurt, because > I forgot that I needed to love myself first by setting boundaries for > how I would be treated.) > > Someone today spoke for me at that meeting when they said they were > grateful that their family of origin (FOO) was a catalyst for their > recovery! Indeed. Without my issues of grief and awareness last fall > with my FOO, I would not have attended Al-anon, or recognized my own > story through that vehicle. > > One thing I am grateful for: I am grateful to have my childhood behind > me! And I am grateful that my life's taken me over three thousand > miles from my mom (nada), for the past 18 years. > > My gratitude is BIG, because for so long I felt guilty for my distance > from my nada, and for my inability to be of help and create changes > (which I thought proximity would make easier and more lasting). Many > of you here are putting that into perspective for me. I hope one day > what I share will be of help to you. > > Best, > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 16, 2010 Report Share Posted July 16, 2010 Train, I feel a lot of sympathy for you. A kindred soul really. I tried for years to mediate or 'police' the situation among my crazy BPD family and siblings. Belive me, it doesn't work. It can't. You cannot possibly control, improve, or help the situation. You're not a professional family counsellor, even a pro would have an impossible time dealing with it. All you can do is control your reactions and behaviours through strong boundaries with your parents. BPD's don't want to change, they are perfectly content with craziness. Most don't even acknowledge that there's a problem with their own sanity. It's just too effed up to go there. Keeping strong communication with your siblings who are still suffering at home is key. Letting them know you will always be there to talk to them, and that you care about their well being will mean a lot to them. Be very, and I mean very careful that you do not get *hoovered* back into the dysfunction ok? Are you seeing a counsellor? They're amazingly helpful at offering practical tools and methods to coping with the insanity. Let me add that your father sounds encredibly sick also. I understand the resentment you feel about not standing by your mother. You can imagine how hard it is for one crazy person to remain attached to another crazy person... not the best combination for obvious reasons. So please, don't hold onto your anger forever. It takes time but remember that they're both sick, and that's not an excuse to project, and paint you as an evil person. That's BS and you're entitled to your feelings. Just wanting to offer some insight, for what it's worth. Good luck to you. Hugs from HF > > I just said that I finished the book by " Racheal Reilands " get me out of here " . The book helped me to understand or at least give me a window of an idea of what is going in her head. > I am the oldest of four. I graduated from H.S. in 2005. Moved across country to further my education. I am concerned for my brothers and sisters still at home. My parents divorced 5 years ago. Dad has remarried. Mom lives alone in a one bedroom apt. She also has been diagnosed with bi-polar. I worry that my moms actions or lack of are affecting the others and they feel limited in ways to cope. > My hopes are through this web sight I can be sort of a mediator between this site and cooling things off for my already stressed out family members. > dt > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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