Nada attack last week. Aftermath today.

[Guest guest]

Ok, so it's all my fault.

Last week my nada found out I went to visit my father. My nada is mad about

that. Long story short, my father was not in my life for 15 years. I always

thought it was because he didn't want anything to do with us, but after

reuniting with him last summer I found that nada kept us away from him for the

most part. My dad made bad mistakes, too, but my nada was a big part of why he

wasn't in my life. Anywho, i went to visit them on 4th of july weekend, and

didn't tell nada. she found out anyway. Last week when she found out I got all

kinds of nasty texts and was attacked.

I was NC with nada for 2 years. I reunited with her last December. Things were

good. I've gone to visit her twice, and I call her every Sunday. most

conversations are good. After she attacked me last week, I just told myself that

we are NC again. But today, being Sunday I thought I would give it a try. BIG

MISTAKE.

Granted, I was not surprised when the conversation turned bad. So I'm not TOO

torn today. Just a little. She just kept going on and on about what a bad man my

dad is, how he wasn't around, how he hurt me when I was a kid and how SHE was

the one to dry my tears and make me happy again. It was all about how much my

dad didn't do and how much my mom DID do. I didn't bring up that I know about

what she did to keep us away from my dad, and I didn't bring up anything bad she

did.I would agree and say that yes, things were bad when I was growing

up....that it sucked that my dad wasn't part of my life, but that I've decided

to let go of the anger and resentment and try to have him in my life now that

I'm adult. I told her that she should be happy that I no longer have the

bitterness in my heart. Her response to that was that it would have been ok to

have a one time meeting with him to " let go " of the anger, but to let him go

after that. That's what would have been acceptable to her. I told her that it

makes me happy to have BOTH parents in my life, and that if she wants me to be

happy like she says she does, then we can get through this and we can agree to

disagree. She did not agree with that. She was hysterical. She said that " it all

comes down to loyalty, sara jo " . " YOu think about that! " . She just kept telling

me to " think about that " after anything she said. She told me that having a

relationship with my dad was a betrayal to her.

Then she started saying stuff that had nothing to do with the situation. She

said that I had a huge ego and that I think I'm smarter than her. Then she said

" if I werent there for you where would you be now? " Then she asked " who helped

you become successful? " . she kept asking over and over. I told her that I was

very proud of my success in life. she said " oh so you did it on your own? You

think you have yourself to thank? " .

She said that the only reason I wanted a relationship with my dad and his family

was because I want the attention.Because I wanted to flaunt all my

accomplishments. She said that I have no self esteem and that's why I wanted to

see my dad.

She said " well, you have a new family now, so you don't need me " .

She told me as long as I talk to them that she does not want a relationship with

me, because she can't accept it. I tried to reiterate that was HER decision, not

mine, that I still want her in my life. And she said " no, YOUR actions made that

decision for me. " .

I told her that if she really loved me she would not put conditions on her love

for me. She said that she always loves me. I told her that when you love your

kids you have a relationship with them. She of course disagrees with that. Says

that she loves me but won't have anything to do with me as long as i talk to my

dad.

The whole talk was just awful. But I shouldn't have called her. I could have

avoided this. when will I learn?

She is giving me an ultimatum. And since I'm not going to break it off with my

dad, i feel like I'm taking her ultimatum. I didn't want to. I wanted both of

them in my life.

~Sara Jo