Feeling guilty

[Guest guest]

My 80 year old mom accidentally, we think, overdosed on her kidney medication

which thew her into a heart attack and is now using a pace maker.

She is in a hospital in Indianapolis about 4 hours away from me. My daughter

drove me to see her today and it's hard no matter what age they are to see

someone you love on a ventilator, etc.

Because of my chronic health conditions, I had to leave her and come back home

tonight. I was lucky to have my daughter home from college to take me but it was

so hard leaving and not knowing if I will see her again.

I am angry at my body tonight for not being strong enough to make the drive

myself, not being able to spend the night in the intensive care waiting room on

those stupid pull-out couches, and not being able to give my sisters the relief

I know they need. My sisters are not complaining; they are very sweet--it's

just my guilt.

I am just so frustrated and ashamed and I don't know how else to explain all the

feelings I'm having. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.

Becky in Illinois

[Guest guest]

Take good care of yourself. Beating yourself up won't help you, nor your mom.

Take care

Kaylene

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Very good advice Kaylene!

My thoughts are with you Becky. Hugs!

-Kayla

[Guest guest]

Oh, I feel for you Becky!

Do you think wondering about the " accidental " aspect contributes at all to the

feelings of guilt? It shouldn't, but that doesn't mean that all of our feelings

make sense.

It wasn't my mom, but my grandma, who I went through this sort of thing with.

She had a massive heart attack and held on for a week, giving her closest sister

and brother time to come to her side. I only live 15 minutes from the hospital

but, because of my severe pain could only stay for 30-45 minutes if I really

pushed through it; then I couldn't make it back the next day because I couldn't

move.

I raged against my body a lot during that week and for some time after, even

though intellectually I know I honestly gave my all. It added more grief to the

loss of her and I worried what my out of town relatives thought. It's a small

thing but I made myself focus on the fact that I got the last giggle out of her

the last time I saw her and I know that she knew I was there.

I hope your mother recovers and that she's able to tell you herself that she

understands why you weren't at her side longer. If God doesn't allow that, I

hope that you're able to find some measure of peace with the extra grief your

body has caused you. And that you find peace here with folks who care about you

and understand.

Sending prayers,

[Guest guest]

--- " heldings@... " wrote:

>I just have to find somewhere to stay overnight if I go. I also will have to

bring my dog as I have no one to care for him if I stay for more than one day.

I am going to research motels in the area. He is little (Chihuahua) and is used

to staying in a crate while I work so that's not a problem.

Becky -

All La Quinta Hotels always take small pets with no extra charge. And the are

usually reasonably priced, offer free breakfast and free wireless internet, and

are usually clean and comfortable. They're my favorite when I'm traveling with

pets.

Most Super 8 motels also take pets, usually with no extra charge. They are

cheaper than La Quinta, but often not as clean or nice, but if money is an issue

then they are a good alternative. I've used them when traveling with my animals

when a La Quinta wasn't available.

You can check out the availability and prices for both online at their own

websites. Travel websites like Expedia.com and hotels.com also allow you to

search locations for only those hotels that allow pets, for other options.

And as Bennie mentioned, if you're hunting close to a hospital, make sure to

call the individual property directly (not just a national reservation line) and

ask if they have a special discount for the hospital.

Best wishes for your mother. We just got home yesterday after traveling 28

hours round trip by car to see my mother. She has Alzheimer's and we could only

stay for a half-hour to an hour at a time, only twice a day, because it mentally

stresses her out too badly and she starts to decline. We lost my father-in-law

this last summer to Alzheimer's, and it's a terrible terrible disease. It's

always hard to see our parents age, but seeing them sick and not being able to

do a thing is the worst. It was a long way to go and very painful for me, all

for just a few snippets of time with her, but we have to do these things.

Cheryl in AZ

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