Re: Would you like to do a therapy assignment?

[Guest guest]

I bet many people are going to respond to this post!

Some things my nada did:

1) Kept me away from my father and his family and lied about it, saying he

wanted nothing to do with us, only to find out 15 years later that they all

really tried but just couldn't deal with her.

2)Made me feel selfish and guilty for wanting to do things that were totally

normal for a kid my age (like hang out with friends, talk on the phone, sleep in

on a Saturday morning, breathe...etc).

3)When I told her that my own grandfather (her dad) was molesting me, she just

shrugged it off and did nothing about it, except make excuses for HIM.

4)Would pit me and my sister against each other. Which is a practice she still

does today. Right now my sis wants nothing to do with me beacause of NADA.

5)Would encourage me to succeed and participate in many extra cirricular

activities, but made me feel guilty for it later. She would complain about

having to drive me places, how much gas it costed to get me here and there, but

yet would tell other people how proud she is of me for being so active and

successful.

6)She took (and still does) credit for any accomplishment I've ever had in my

life, such as graduating with a college degree, making good grades, earning

scholarships, and promotions at work. She says that without her in my life, I

wouldn't have made it anywhere.

7)Spreads a smear campaign whenever I did something " bad " . Anytime I did

something she didn't like, she would stomp off to her bedroom and immediately

get on the phone and call EVERYONE in the family to cry to them why I'm such a

bad daughter, and why am I so mean to her?

8)Made me feel guilty for having feelings about stuff. If my feelings were hurt

about something, and tried to tell her about them, she would tell me that there

are bigger problems that she has to deal with, and how dare I be so selfish in

wanting my feelings to be acknowledged.

9)Allowed no privacy whatsoever. Bedroom doors not allowed to be shut, bathroom

doors not allowed to be locked.

10) Breached privacy as much as possible outside the home. At Dr's office, I

told her once that I didn't want her to know anything about how much I weigh or

anything, that it was my business. Instead of asking the nurse, she would wait

until the chart was placed down and we would wait for theDr, and she would read

the chart while nodding her head in disapproval.

11)Related to #10...massive hypocrisy. We are all a little overweight. She would

tell me how I needed to lose weight and how much better I would look. Then she

would justify her own obesity by saying that she can't lose weight because she

is older than me. Therefore saying the " rules don't apply " to her.

12)Would take 7-10 Xanax at a time because I " stressed her out " so much.

13)Would smoke cigarettes without rolling the windows in the car down, while

taking me to the hospital to be admitted for asthma and my lungs getting ready

to collapse.

14)Accused me of being happy about being sick all the time and having to be in

the hospital so much.

15)Accuses me of many things that aren't true.

Ok, I will stop at 15. This could go on and on, and is much longer than I

intended.

Typing this out is making me not regret going NC again for the 2nd time.

Who needs any of this?

~Sara J

>

>

>

>

> I'm supposed to be writing a list of things my mother did that I feel were BPD

related for therapy. Anyone want to do it here so we can compare?

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sara, Oh my, I could have written that exact post! Every single thing my mother

did and then some...

1) Would ridicule me if I had a friend, saying that I wasn't spending enough

time with her or didn't care about her. When I'd insist that I did love her,

she'd tell me I was lying.

2) She also kept me away from family members (except her uncle who molested me)

and pitted me against my sister and vice versa.

3) Got my dad to see her side on everything, slanting it towards her until my

dad was pleading with me to do what she wanted to keep peace.

4) Constantly told me how stressed she was and telling me I didn't know stress

like her! I was pregnant with a child who had a 3% chance to survive and that

was still not enough for her to think I might be under a tad bit of stress.

5) Refused to acknoweldge that other people had differing opinions than her. If

you differed with her, you hated her or were her enemy...or worse, you were

wrong and stupid.

6) Would never give me credit for accomplishments. When I made cheerleading it

was because the judges 'knew who my mother was.' Or when I got a job it was

because SHE knew people in town and her name was sooooo well respected (puke).

7) Would repeatedly manipulate me into doing what she wanted by threatening

suicide or feigning illness (ie, a heart attack or claim she found a HUGE lump

that she just knew was final stage cancer). She would go on and on sarcastically

about how happy everyone will be when she's gone.

8) Never, ever did anything with me or spent any time with me and would gossip

about my friends who had mothers who did stuff with them...calling them names

and talking about them being " trashy. " She constantly put down any friend or

boyfriend I ever had and their family....ignoring that her entire family was

full of people with mental illness and alcoholism.

9) Also called family members to talk about me (and neighbors too!). Usually it

was lies or half truths. She went on and on about how I was 'worse than a kid on

drugs' when I got very involved with church.

10) Would send me to the ever-lovin end of my rope with her invading my

privacy. She read my diary, listening in on phone calls, demanded to know what i

was saying to who and when and forbid me, well into adulthood, to be friends

with certain people becaues she didn't like their parents.

11) Would tell me inappropriate things about she and my father -- fights they

had, that they were divorcing, about their sex life, that my dad was cheating on

her (he was not) and on and on...she did this from the time I was about 8 years

old.

12) Would laugh or make fun of me for having feelings. If someone at school hurt

my feelings and I cried about it, she'd ask me what *I* had to them. She never,

ever took my side. She would tel me I was acting stupid and ridiculous when I

would cry or feel disappointed and yet she stayed depressed and crying 95% of

the time.

I'll stop now too. I have to come up with a lot more!

Re: Would you like to do a therapy assignment?

I bet many people are going to respond to this post!

Some things my nada did:

1) Kept me away from my father and his family and lied about it, saying he

wanted nothing to do with us, only to find out 15 years later that they all

really tried but just couldn't deal with her.

2)Made me feel selfish and guilty for wanting to do things that were totally

normal for a kid my age (like hang out with friends, talk on the phone, sleep in

on a Saturday morning, breathe...etc).

3)When I told her that my own grandfather (her dad) was molesting me, she just

shrugged it off and did nothing about it, except make excuses for HIM.

4)Would pit me and my sister against each other. Which is a practice she still

does today. Right now my sis wants nothing to do with me beacause of NADA.

5)Would encourage me to succeed and participate in many extra cirricular

activities, but made me feel guilty for it later. She would complain about

having to drive me places, how much gas it costed to get me here and there, but

yet would tell other people how proud she is of me for being so active and

successful.

6)She took (and still does) credit for any accomplishment I've ever had in my

life, such as graduating with a college degree, making good grades, earning

scholarships, and promotions at work. She says that without her in my life, I

wouldn't have made it anywhere.

7)Spreads a smear campaign whenever I did something " bad " . Anytime I did

something she didn't like, she would stomp off to her bedroom and immediately

get on the phone and call EVERYONE in the family to cry to them why I'm such a

bad daughter, and why am I so mean to her?

8)Made me feel guilty for having feelings about stuff. If my feelings were hurt

about something, and tried to tell her about them, she would tell me that there

are bigger problems that she has to deal with, and how dare I be so selfish in

wanting my feelings to be acknowledged.

9)Allowed no privacy whatsoever. Bedroom doors not allowed to be shut, bathroom

doors not allowed to be locked.

10) Breached privacy as much as possible outside the home. At Dr's office, I

told her once that I didn't want her to know anything about how much I weigh or

anything, that it was my business. Instead of asking the nurse, she would wait

until the chart was placed down and we would wait for theDr, and she would read

the chart while nodding her head in disapproval.

11)Related to #10...massive hypocrisy. We are all a little overweight. She would

tell me how I needed to lose weight and how much better I would look. Then she

would justify her own obesity by saying that she can't lose weight because she

is older than me. Therefore saying the " rules don't apply " to her.

12)Would take 7-10 Xanax at a time because I " stressed her out " so much.

13)Would smoke cigarettes without rolling the windows in the car down, while

taking me to the hospital to be admitted for asthma and my lungs getting ready

to collapse.

14)Accused me of being happy about being sick all the time and having to be in

the hospital so much.

15)Accuses me of many things that aren't true.

Ok, I will stop at 15. This could go on and on, and is much longer than I

intended.

Typing this out is making me not regret going NC again for the 2nd time.

Who needs any of this?

~Sara J

>

>

>

>

> I'm supposed to be writing a list of things my mother did that I feel were BPD

related for therapy. Anyone want to do it here so we can compare?

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Thanks for adding me to yahoo messenger.  Let me know when you are free to chat

in real time, would be nice to have a natter

x

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Mon, July 19, 2010 6:45:27 PM

Subject: Re: Re: Would you like to do a therapy assignment?

 

Sara, Oh my, I could have written that exact post! Every single thing my mother

did and then some...

1) Would ridicule me if I had a friend, saying that I wasn't spending enough

time with her or didn't care about her. When I'd insist that I did love her,

she'd tell me I was lying.

2) She also kept me away from family members (except her uncle who molested me)

and pitted me against my sister and vice versa.

3) Got my dad to see her side on everything, slanting it towards her until my

dad was pleading with me to do what she wanted to keep peace.

4) Constantly told me how stressed she was and telling me I didn't know stress

like her! I was pregnant with a child who had a 3% chance to survive and that

was still not enough for her to think I might be under a tad bit of stress.

5) Refused to acknoweldge that other people had differing opinions than her. If

you differed with her, you hated her or were her enemy...or worse, you were

wrong and stupid.

6) Would never give me credit for accomplishments. When I made cheerleading it

was because the judges 'knew who my mother was.' Or when I got a job it was

because SHE knew people in town and her name was sooooo well respected (puke).

7) Would repeatedly manipulate me into doing what she wanted by threatening

suicide or feigning illness (ie, a heart attack or claim she found a HUGE lump

that she just knew was final stage cancer). She would go on and on sarcastically

about how happy everyone will be when she's gone.

8) Never, ever did anything with me or spent any time with me and would gossip

about my friends who had mothers who did stuff with them...calling them names

and talking about them being " trashy. " She constantly put down any friend or

boyfriend I ever had and their family....ignoring that her entire family was

full of people with mental illness and alcoholism.

9) Also called family members to talk about me (and neighbors too!). Usually it

was lies or half truths. She went on and on about how I was 'worse than a kid on

drugs' when I got very involved with church.

10) Would send me to the ever-lovin end of my rope with her invading my privacy.

She read my diary, listening in on phone calls, demanded to know what i was

saying to who and when and forbid me, well into adulthood, to be friends with

certain people becaues she didn't like their parents.

11) Would tell me inappropriate things about she and my father -- fights they

had, that they were divorcing, about their sex life, that my dad was cheating on

her (he was not) and on and on...she did this from the time I was about 8 years

old.

12) Would laugh or make fun of me for having feelings. If someone at school hurt

my feelings and I cried about it, she'd ask me what *I* had to them. She never,

ever took my side. She would tel me I was acting stupid and ridiculous when I

would cry or feel disappointed and yet she stayed depressed and crying 95% of

the time.

I'll stop now too. I have to come up with a lot more!

Re: Would you like to do a therapy assignment?

I bet many people are going to respond to this post!

Some things my nada did:

1) Kept me away from my father and his family and lied about it, saying he

wanted nothing to do with us, only to find out 15 years later that they all

really tried but just couldn't deal with her.

2)Made me feel selfish and guilty for wanting to do things that were totally

normal for a kid my age (like hang out with friends, talk on the phone, sleep in

on a Saturday morning, breathe...etc).

3)When I told her that my own grandfather (her dad) was molesting me, she just

shrugged it off and did nothing about it, except make excuses for HIM.

4)Would pit me and my sister against each other. Which is a practice she still

does today. Right now my sis wants nothing to do with me beacause of NADA.

5)Would encourage me to succeed and participate in many extra cirricular

activities, but made me feel guilty for it later. She would complain about

having to drive me places, how much gas it costed to get me here and there, but

yet would tell other people how proud she is of me for being so active and

successful.

6)She took (and still does) credit for any accomplishment I've ever had in my

life, such as graduating with a college degree, making good grades, earning

scholarships, and promotions at work. She says that without her in my life, I

wouldn't have made it anywhere.

7)Spreads a smear campaign whenever I did something " bad " . Anytime I did

something she didn't like, she would stomp off to her bedroom and immediately

get on the phone and call EVERYONE in the family to cry to them why I'm such a

bad daughter, and why am I so mean to her?

8)Made me feel guilty for having feelings about stuff. If my feelings were hurt

about something, and tried to tell her about them, she would tell me that there

are bigger problems that she has to deal with, and how dare I be so selfish in

wanting my feelings to be acknowledged.

9)Allowed no privacy whatsoever. Bedroom doors not allowed to be shut, bathroom

doors not allowed to be locked.

10) Breached privacy as much as possible outside the home. At Dr's office, I

told her once that I didn't want her to know anything about how much I weigh or

anything, that it was my business. Instead of asking the nurse, she would wait

until the chart was placed down and we would wait for theDr, and she would read

the chart while nodding her head in disapproval.

11)Related to #10...massive hypocrisy. We are all a little overweight. She would

tell me how I needed to lose weight and how much better I would look. Then she

would justify her own obesity by saying that she can't lose weight because she

is older than me. Therefore saying the " rules don't apply " to her.

12)Would take 7-10 Xanax at a time because I " stressed her out " so much.

13)Would smoke cigarettes without rolling the windows in the car down, while

taking me to the hospital to be admitted for asthma and my lungs getting ready

to collapse.

14)Accused me of being happy about being sick all the time and having to be in

the hospital so much.

15)Accuses me of many things that aren't true.

Ok, I will stop at 15. This could go on and on, and is much longer than I

intended.

Typing this out is making me not regret going NC again for the 2nd time.

Who needs any of this?

~Sara J

>

>

>

>

> I'm supposed to be writing a list of things my mother did that I feel were BPD

>related for therapy. Anyone want to do it here so we can compare?

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hey there, I have replied to this post in pink under each heading hun.

Our nadas could literally be twins xx

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Mon, July 19, 2010 6:46:08 PM

Subject: Re: Re: Would you like to do a therapy assignment?

 

Sara, Oh my, I could have written that exact post! Every single thing my mother

did and then some...

1) Would ridicule me if I had a friend, saying that I wasn't spending enough

time with her or didn't care about her. When I'd insist that I did love her,

she'd tell me I was lying.

Wow my mom would also do this too, whenever I had a friend I was close too, my

mom would try her best to get into my head and tell me that my friend was no

good, and that I didnt give her enough time, now I had a friend on the scene

etc, infact all my friends that I have had throughout my life, my nada has

somehow managed to become friends with them also, and ridicule me to them.

2) She also kept me away from family members (except her uncle who molested me)

and pitted me against my sister and vice versa.

My mom also did this too, I have never know my real fathers side of the family,

my uncles, anuties, cousins etc, the only family I was close to was my moms dad

who sexually abused me.....gee thanks mom

3) Got my dad to see her side on everything, slanting it towards her until my

dad was pleading with me to do what she wanted to keep peace.

My step dad was an alcoholic, and it was always him and my mom against me, he

was very violent and drunk, she always put him before both me and my sister

4) Constantly told me how stressed she was and telling me I didn't know stress

like her! I was pregnant with a child who had a 3% chance to survive and that

was still not enough for her to think I might be under a tad bit of stress.

My mom also did this too, she was always stressed, tired, or worked too much,

she would tell me that I didnt know what stress was like, and that ive had it

easy, and that I bring stress to her, and all she wants to do is live a stress

free life.

5) Refused to acknoweldge that other people had differing opinions than her. If

you differed with her, you hated her or were her enemy...or worse, you were

wrong and stupid.

Wow nobody was ever allowed to have a different opinion to my mom, if you did

she would argue till she was literally blue in the face, or make me feel that I

was losing my mind and that I was stupid and that I was hearing things, or

seeing things, and being over sensitive

6) Would never give me credit for accomplishments. When I made cheerleading it

was because the judges 'knew who my mother was.' Or when I got a job it was

because SHE knew people in town and her name was sooooo well respected (puke).

Yep me too, I landed a fantastic job with a huge oil company in the UK one time,

and she just kind of looked at me, and said wonder how long this will last, she

was and never will be proud of me for who I am, she never praised me, all she

did was be very critical of me.  Although to other people she would praise me,

but I now know this was only to make her look good

7) Would repeatedly manipulate me into doing what she wanted by threatening

suicide or feigning illness (ie, a heart attack or claim she found a HUGE lump

that she just knew was final stage cancer). She would go on and on sarcastically

about how happy everyone will be when she's gone.

This was a huge factor in my moms case, she was always ill, I dont think a day

went by were she was not ill, she once went into have her breasts reduced and

you would have thought that she was on her death bed, because I was working at

the time, i did not visit her, and wow i got a dogs life for months afterwards,

telling me that she could have died, and that I am selfish, I am all me me me.

8) Never, ever did anything with me or spent any time with me and would gossip

about my friends who had mothers who did stuff with them...calling them names

and talking about them being " trashy. " She constantly put down any friend or

boyfriend I ever had and their family....ignoring that her entire family was

full of people with mental illness and alcoholism.

My mom never did a thing with me unless it involved her or something that she

would gain from, she always put down my friends moms, saying that they were not

as pretty as her, not as young looking as her, whenever I had a boyfriend, she

would tell me that he was brainwashing me, and that I am better off on my own,

and I will fall flat on my face, she tried many a time to turn my past partners

against me, luckily my now hubby to be is totally onto her games, and I never

let her within an inch of him.

9) Also called family members to talk about me (and neighbors too!). Usually it

was lies or half truths. She went on and on about how I was 'worse than a kid on

drugs' when I got very involved with church.

Yep my mom did this all the time, she would even get family members to call me

to have a talk about how I was treating my mom, and that she is a good mom and I

dont know that I am born, you only get one mom etc, and that it is disgusting

that I dont put her first, and the usual that I am selfish etc

10) Would send me to the ever-lovin end of my rope with her invading my privacy.

She read my diary, listening in on phone calls, demanded to know what i was

saying to who and when and forbid me, well into adulthood, to be friends with

certain people becaues she didn't like their parents.

Wow yes yes yes, my mom would demand who I was on the phone too, if i was

texting in her company she would take the phone off me and say that I am very

rude and she would want to know who was more important than her, she would open

my mail, go through my clothes, go through my food cupboards, she would

re-arrange my house to the way she liked it, saying that I had no style at all.

11) Would tell me inappropriate things about she and my father -- fights they

had, that they were divorcing, about their sex life, that my dad was cheating on

her (he was not) and on and on...she did this from the time I was about 8 years

old.

I was my moms marriage counsellor I think, I felt like the adult even when I was

just 7 years old, she would tell me intimate stuff about her sex life with my

step father, how big his penis was, how amazing he was in bed, how she only

stays with him for sex, and if that gets boring she will have affairs, she told

me about the affairs that she did have and that they never did it for her like

my step dad yukkkkkkkkkkk.  Whenever they had a row, which was most of the

time,

she would call me in tears expecting me to sort it out, if I had a dollor for

everytime she told me she was leaving him I would be so rich right now lol

12) Would laugh or make fun of me for having feelings. If someone at school hurt

my feelings and I cried about it, she'd ask me what *I* had to them. She never,

ever took my side. She would tel me I was acting stupid and ridiculous when I

would cry or feel disappointed and yet she stayed depressed and crying 95% of

the time.

I had this ALL THE TIME

I'll stop now too. I have to come up with a lot more!

Re: Would you like to do a therapy assignment?

I bet many people are going to respond to this post!

Some things my nada did:

1) Kept me away from my father and his family and lied about it, saying he

wanted nothing to do with us, only to find out 15 years later that they all

really tried but just couldn't deal with her.

2)Made me feel selfish and guilty for wanting to do things that were totally

normal for a kid my age (like hang out with friends, talk on the phone, sleep in

on a Saturday morning, breathe...etc).

3)When I told her that my own grandfather (her dad) was molesting me, she just

shrugged it off and did nothing about it, except make excuses for HIM.

4)Would pit me and my sister against each other. Which is a practice she still

does today. Right now my sis wants nothing to do with me beacause of NADA.

5)Would encourage me to succeed and participate in many extra cirricular

activities, but made me feel guilty for it later. She would complain about

having to drive me places, how much gas it costed to get me here and there, but

yet would tell other people how proud she is of me for being so active and

successful.

6)She took (and still does) credit for any accomplishment I've ever had in my

life, such as graduating with a college degree, making good grades, earning

scholarships, and promotions at work. She says that without her in my life, I

wouldn't have made it anywhere.

7)Spreads a smear campaign whenever I did something " bad " . Anytime I did

something she didn't like, she would stomp off to her bedroom and immediately

get on the phone and call EVERYONE in the family to cry to them why I'm such a

bad daughter, and why am I so mean to her?

8)Made me feel guilty for having feelings about stuff. If my feelings were hurt

about something, and tried to tell her about them, she would tell me that there

are bigger problems that she has to deal with, and how dare I be so selfish in

wanting my feelings to be acknowledged.

9)Allowed no privacy whatsoever. Bedroom doors not allowed to be shut, bathroom

doors not allowed to be locked.

10) Breached privacy as much as possible outside the home. At Dr's office, I

told her once that I didn't want her to know anything about how much I weigh or

anything, that it was my business. Instead of asking the nurse, she would wait

until the chart was placed down and we would wait for theDr, and she would read

the chart while nodding her head in disapproval.

11)Related to #10...massive hypocrisy. We are all a little overweight. She would

tell me how I needed to lose weight and how much better I would look. Then she

would justify her own obesity by saying that she can't lose weight because she

is older than me. Therefore saying the " rules don't apply " to her.

12)Would take 7-10 Xanax at a time because I " stressed her out " so much.

13)Would smoke cigarettes without rolling the windows in the car down, while

taking me to the hospital to be admitted for asthma and my lungs getting ready

to collapse.

14)Accused me of being happy about being sick all the time and having to be in

the hospital so much.

15)Accuses me of many things that aren't true.

Ok, I will stop at 15. This could go on and on, and is much longer than I

intended.

Typing this out is making me not regret going NC again for the 2nd time.

Who needs any of this?

~Sara J

>

>

>

>

> I'm supposed to be writing a list of things my mother did that I feel were BPD

>related for therapy. Anyone want to do it here so we can compare?

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Oh wow Sara, i must definetly have to reply to this post.   You will see my

replies under your headings in this colour font!!! x.

..

..

..

..

..

 

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Mon, July 19, 2010 6:10:47 PM

Subject: Re: Would you like to do a therapy assignment?

 

I bet many people are going to respond to this post!

Some things my nada did:

1) Kept me away from my father and his family and lied about it, saying he

wanted nothing to do with us, only to find out 15 years later that they all

really tried but just couldn't deal with her.

   Snap my mom did the exact same thin with me, told me my bio dad wanted

nothing to do with me also

2)Made me feel selfish and guilty for wanting to do things that were totally

normal for a kid my age (like hang out with friends, talk on the phone, sleep in

on a Saturday morning, breathe...etc).

Snap,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,had this all the time growing up

3)When I told her that my own grandfather (her dad) was molesting me, she just

shrugged it off and did nothing about it, except make excuses for HIM.

(my nada did the same, and it was never to be talked about again, nada was happy

to brush it under the carpet, i so was not)

4)Would pit me and my sister against each other. Which is a practice she still

does today. Right now my sis wants nothing to do with me beacause of NADA.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa............same same, plays me and my sister off against

eachother, well i say it depends on which one of us would react to her sad moods

lol

5)Would encourage me to succeed and participate in many extra cirricular

activities, but made me feel guilty for it later. She would complain about

having to drive me places, how much gas it costed to get me here and there, but

yet would tell other people how proud she is of me for being so active and

successful.

My nada all over

6)She took (and still does) credit for any accomplishment I've ever had in my

life, such as graduating with a college degree, making good grades, earning

scholarships, and promotions at work. She says that without her in my life, I

wouldn't have made it anywhere.

7)Spreads a smear campaign whenever I did something " bad " . Anytime I did

something she didn't like, she would stomp off to her bedroom and immediately

get on the phone and call EVERYONE in the family to cry to them why I'm such a

bad daughter, and why am I so mean to her?

8)Made me feel guilty for having feelings about stuff. If my feelings were hurt

about something, and tried to tell her about them, she would tell me that there

are bigger problems that she has to deal with, and how dare I be so selfish in

wanting my feelings to be acknowledged.

9)Allowed no privacy whatsoever. Bedroom doors not allowed to be shut, bathroom

doors not allowed to be locked.

10) Breached privacy as much as possible outside the home. At Dr's office, I

told her once that I didn't want her to know anything about how much I weigh or

anything, that it was my business. Instead of asking the nurse, she would wait

until the chart was placed down and we would wait for theDr, and she would read

the chart while nodding her head in disapproval.

11)Related to #10...massive hypocrisy. We are all a little overweight. She would

tell me how I needed to lose weight and how much better I would look. Then she

would justify her own obesity by saying that she can't lose weight because she

is older than me. Therefore saying the " rules don't apply " to her.

12)Would take 7-10 Xanax at a time because I " stressed her out " so much.

13)Would smoke cigarettes without rolling the windows in the car down, while

taking me to the hospital to be admitted for asthma and my lungs getting ready

to collapse.

14)Accused me of being happy about being sick all the time and having to be in

the hospital so much.

15)Accuses me of many things that aren't true.

Ok, I will stop at 15. This could go on and on, and is much longer than I

intended.

Typing this out is making me not regret going NC again for the 2nd time.

Who needs any of this?

~Sara J

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> I'm supposed to be writing a list of things my mother did that I feel were BPD

>related for therapy. Anyone want to do it here so we can compare?

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[Guest guest]

Hey ,

I always have a hard time reading your responses...there's always a lot of

jumble and stuff, and the pink never shows. Just not sure if I got to see

everything you intend. FYI.

~Sara Jo

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> >

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> > I'm supposed to be writing a list of things my mother did that I feel were

BPD

> >related for therapy. Anyone want to do it here so we can compare?

> >

> >

> >

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> >

[Guest guest]

Ok, this feels like a lot of work, but I'll try.

1) Stayed in bed all the time when we were little and made me take care of her

and my younger siblings. I used a chair to reach the counter so I could get

her coffee and candy in hopes of getting her up that day.

2) Got out of bed and screamed at me all day for any and everything that wasn't

right about the house or the kids. From as long as can remember, like 5.

3) Cried for hours on end hugging me and telling me how sorry she was and how

much she loved me. I was worn out and hated the strong emotions. Still can't

deal with people that have strong emotions.

4) Fought with my dad who is a saint, at least in my mind, until he left us

all, except my brother. Even as a small child I would get frustrated because

her arguements didn't make a bit of sense and she didn't seem to be hearing

anything he said.

5) Lied all the time to friends and family. As simple as telling a story about

something that happened at the store was blown so far out of reality that I

would just wonder if I was really there.

6) Blow up at people at stores and embarrass me to the end!

7)Would be so sweet and normal when around her friends then act completely crazy

when they would leave as if she had to let it all out at once. Of course it was

always because of something we had done or said while they were there.

8) Divorced my " perfect " dad when I was 5 and married my molester. Then

remarried my dad when I was 7 so she could torture him until he left again.

9) Talks for hours straight about people I've never met, then has to go as soon

as I start talking about something I want to talk about.

I quit for now, I've got to go put the granddaughter to bed.

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> > I'm supposed to be writing a list of things my mother did that I feel were

BPD related for therapy. Anyone want to do it here so we can compare?

> >

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[Guest guest]

Oh man, I did that on my own and turned parts of it into a creative writing

assignment... I'm totally going to do this again, though perhaps not 15 minutes

after bed time =P

-Frances

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> I'm supposed to be writing a list of things my mother did that I feel were BPD

related for therapy. Anyone want to do it here so we can compare?

>

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>

[Guest guest]

this is a great idea...just reading it caused me extreme anxiety thinking about

it.

I first felt the truth that I didn't like my mother very much at times. I am

getting pretty distressed just thinking about it

The main thing she did is using me as a therapist when i was very young.

Confiding in me about her marital and other problems. Then turning around and

saying I was a rotten kid who was always hurting her husband. It makes me want

to puke thinking about that. The constant switching back and forth, split bad

then good then bad then good. I'm the perpetrator, then the rescuer, then the

perpetrator, then the rescuer. She's ALWAYS the victim, ALWAYS. If I'm not

rescuing her then I am in danger. Holy crap I just realized that's what she was

doing this weekend that was driving me so nuts. it's the Karpman drama triangle

and she has a double mortgage on the victim corner. and when I don't hear her

crap, when I won 't let her whine all over me and be pitiful (sample

conversation this weekend between she and I: " I'm feeling pretty good today. "

her: " I'm glad YOU are. " me: I'm glad you're glad for me. " )...stuff like that,

that's when she moves me into the perp corner. I never realized it but it's

manipulation, that is why she does it, it's how she hurts me and punishes me for

not propping her up. She doesn't see me as anything but an extension of her and

chess piece to move around depending on what her moods are. Just thinking about

this makes me really angry. She says the most hurtful, inane things, trying to

conjure up some ill will or wrong doing on my part. And I never realized before

she is threatening me, saying 'do my will or I am going to put you in the 'bad

person' corner again. Christ she has had me jumping through these hoops my

entire life. I really want to call her some curse words not that I am thinking

about it. How can she do this kind of thing. And how dare she.

Well, thanks for the enlightenment, that's really all I want to think about

tonight. Maybe tomorrow I'll make some more entries.

>

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>

>

> I'm supposed to be writing a list of things my mother did that I feel were BPD

related for therapy. Anyone want to do it here so we can compare?

>

>

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>

>

[Guest guest]

Most everything you've all written, I can relate to. The part about your mother

using you as a therapist really hits home with me. When I was a child, my mother

did but obviously I didn't have the vocabulary for it as an adult. When I became

an adult, I actually said the words to her, " I am supposed to be your DAUGHTER,

not your therapist. " And she said back to me, " Well, I thought now that you were

grown, I could talk to you like a friend and we could be close like friends, but

I guess you don't want me in your life. "

I don't even know what to say that because BPD's are so unreasonable about

things. They don't understand the dynamics of a healthy relationship whether it

be a friendship with someone or a relationship with their children.

Re: Would you like to do a therapy assignment?

this is a great idea...just reading it caused me extreme anxiety thinking about

it.

I first felt the truth that I didn't like my mother very much at times. I am

getting pretty distressed just thinking about it

The main thing she did is using me as a therapist when i was very young.

Confiding in me about her marital and other problems. Then turning around and

saying I was a rotten kid who was always hurting her husband. It makes me want

to puke thinking about that. The constant switching back and forth, split bad

then good then bad then good. I'm the perpetrator, then the rescuer, then the

perpetrator, then the rescuer. She's ALWAYS the victim, ALWAYS. If I'm not

rescuing her then I am in danger. Holy crap I just realized that's what she was

doing this weekend that was driving me so nuts. it's the Karpman drama triangle

and she has a double mortgage on the victim corner. and when I don't hear her

crap, when I won 't let her whine all over me and be pitiful (sample

conversation this weekend between she and I: " I'm feeling pretty good today. "

her: " I'm glad YOU are. " me: I'm glad you're glad for me. " )...stuff like that,

that's when she moves me into the perp corner. I never realized it but it's

manipulation, that is why she does it, it's how she hurts me and punishes me for

not propping her up. She doesn't see me as anything but an extension of her and

chess piece to move around depending on what her moods are. Just thinking about

this makes me really angry. She says the most hurtful, inane things, trying to

conjure up some ill will or wrong doing on my part. And I never realized before

she is threatening me, saying 'do my will or I am going to put you in the 'bad

person' corner again. Christ she has had me jumping through these hoops my

entire life. I really want to call her some curse words not that I am thinking

about it. How can she do this kind of thing. And how dare she.

Well, thanks for the enlightenment, that's really all I want to think about

tonight. Maybe tomorrow I'll make some more entries.

>

>

>

>

> I'm supposed to be writing a list of things my mother did that I feel were BPD

related for therapy. Anyone want to do it here so we can compare?

>

>

>

>

>