Re: And the crap just keeps coming...

[Guest guest]

I was thinking about maybe responding to the email " Your assumptions and

presumptions are insulting. Please do not contact me again. " But maybe best to

ignore? I don't know. I find it MUCH harder to ignore- but as they say what's

easy is not always what's right. I wish I could just calm down. I am fuming. I

wish I didn't care!

>

> So when nada died I thought I would finally be at peace. WRONG. How could I

forget about the rest of my dysfunctional FOO? Here's what happened- apparently

my aunt called nada's neighbor and the neighbor told her that I was having an

estate sale for nada's things this weekend. I am mad b/c I asked the neighbor

not to talk to my family. This neighbor is one of those types that tries to be

helpful and her heart is in the right place, but she keeps messing things up for

me. For example, she told the postman to take all nada's mail back to the post

office b/c I had filled out a change of address, which I did NOT. Stuff like

that. This neighbor is really stressing me out. But she's also done a lot to

help me too. Anyway, so my aunt calls my cousin and I get this frantic phone

call about how horrible it is that I am having an estate sale, that these people

are going through nada's things, blah, blah blah and that she wanted some of it

and would have treasured it. I let her in the house last weekend and told her to

take whatever she wanted, by the way. She also said that it was wrong of me to

spread nada's ashes even though that's what nada told me to do. So I sent her

short email basically saying that these things were left to me, it's my decision

and please respect my wishes. So I get this email back that is just reeking of

insult, assumptions and presumptions that make me think who the hell do you

think you are? I am not even going to respond. What's the point? I can't reason

with these people. They hurt me. I am so stressed about all this- I don't need

this. I hate that I let it get to me. I mean it was MY mom, and no one cares

about my feelings or even asks about my pregnancy. What really pisses me off is

that she gave me grief for not picking my mom's ashes up yet. Well guess what?

It took the crematorium a ridiculously long time to get the job done and I am

actually picking them up the soonest that I can, this Tuesday. I am just SO mad.

I am def. going NC with all of them. So do I tell them or just start ignoring

all contact attempts? I have never done this before. I feel like I should say

something, but then again that would just spark a bunch of back and forth. Like

I said, I can't reason with these people so what's the point? And why tell them

how I really feel about them to make me feel better? That's not taking the

higher road, although I have to admit I am tempted to give them all a piece of

my mind. I am really hurt by all this. And MAD. Mad that on top of the grief of

nada dying, and dealing with all those conflicting emotions while being pregnant

and trying to be present of my 17 month old I have to deal with this BS that is

so unnecessary. The icing on the cake- my mother in law is visiting and she is

perhaps the most annoying person I have ever met.

> Last thought that just occurred to me. I am mad at nada. Mad that every single

thing about her and her life had to be difficult.

>

[Guest guest]

I am sorry that you are going through all of this. I don't know what it is about

funerals and people dying that brings out the worst in so many people. My

grandmother had a clause in her will that if her kids fought over the house or

there was any conflict the money from the sale would be given to charity, which

I think was wise.

I don't think there is any reason to maintain contact with these folks if they

aren't even asking about your pregnancy or trying to figure in how your

pregnancy is being effected by the stress they are causing. It's up to you

whether you 'sign off' or not but I've found that whenever I write those letters

there is always at least a small part of me that has expectation of what the

person might react like. Even if it's just curiosity. And of course those type

of folks are going to forward it to every other nutjob in the family too and it

could create more contact and phone calls which you probably don't want. The

kind of people who would act like that aren't the kind that are going to care

how their behavior affects you or has affected you in the past anyway.

Maybe when you spread the ashes it can be a goodbye to her and to all of them,

like a finalizing and letting go of them too. Hugs.

>

> So when nada died I thought I would finally be at peace. WRONG. How could I

forget about the rest of my dysfunctional FOO? Here's what happened- apparently

my aunt called nada's neighbor and the neighbor told her that I was having an

estate sale for nada's things this weekend. I am mad b/c I asked the neighbor

not to talk to my family. This neighbor is one of those types that tries to be

helpful and her heart is in the right place, but she keeps messing things up for

me. For example, she told the postman to take all nada's mail back to the post

office b/c I had filled out a change of address, which I did NOT. Stuff like

that. This neighbor is really stressing me out. But she's also done a lot to

help me too. Anyway, so my aunt calls my cousin and I get this frantic phone

call about how horrible it is that I am having an estate sale, that these people

are going through nada's things, blah, blah blah and that she wanted some of it

and would have treasured it. I let her in the house last weekend and told her to

take whatever she wanted, by the way. She also said that it was wrong of me to

spread nada's ashes even though that's what nada told me to do. So I sent her

short email basically saying that these things were left to me, it's my decision

and please respect my wishes. So I get this email back that is just reeking of

insult, assumptions and presumptions that make me think who the hell do you

think you are? I am not even going to respond. What's the point? I can't reason

with these people. They hurt me. I am so stressed about all this- I don't need

this. I hate that I let it get to me. I mean it was MY mom, and no one cares

about my feelings or even asks about my pregnancy. What really pisses me off is

that she gave me grief for not picking my mom's ashes up yet. Well guess what?

It took the crematorium a ridiculously long time to get the job done and I am

actually picking them up the soonest that I can, this Tuesday. I am just SO mad.

I am def. going NC with all of them. So do I tell them or just start ignoring

all contact attempts? I have never done this before. I feel like I should say

something, but then again that would just spark a bunch of back and forth. Like

I said, I can't reason with these people so what's the point? And why tell them

how I really feel about them to make me feel better? That's not taking the

higher road, although I have to admit I am tempted to give them all a piece of

my mind. I am really hurt by all this. And MAD. Mad that on top of the grief of

nada dying, and dealing with all those conflicting emotions while being pregnant

and trying to be present of my 17 month old I have to deal with this BS that is

so unnecessary. The icing on the cake- my mother in law is visiting and she is

perhaps the most annoying person I have ever met.

> Last thought that just occurred to me. I am mad at nada. Mad that every single

thing about her and her life had to be difficult.

>

[Guest guest]

My gosh, what a nightmare. I'm so sorry for all you're going through.

We're here for you, Mozz. Let it all out here.

Is your mother's family as bad emotionally as she was?

(My mother's is)

>

> So when nada died I thought I would finally be at peace. WRONG. How could I

forget about the rest of my dysfunctional FOO? Here's what happened- apparently

my aunt called nada's neighbor and the neighbor told her that I was having an

estate sale for nada's things this weekend. I am mad b/c I asked the neighbor

not to talk to my family. This neighbor is one of those types that tries to be

helpful and her heart is in the right place, but she keeps messing things up for

me. For example, she told the postman to take all nada's mail back to the post

office b/c I had filled out a change of address, which I did NOT. Stuff like

that. This neighbor is really stressing me out. But she's also done a lot to

help me too. Anyway, so my aunt calls my cousin and I get this frantic phone

call about how horrible it is that I am having an estate sale, that these people

are going through nada's things, blah, blah blah and that she wanted some of it

and would have treasured it. I let her in the house last weekend and told her to

take whatever she wanted, by the way. She also said that it was wrong of me to

spread nada's ashes even though that's what nada told me to do. So I sent her

short email basically saying that these things were left to me, it's my decision

and please respect my wishes. So I get this email back that is just reeking of

insult, assumptions and presumptions that make me think who the hell do you

think you are? I am not even going to respond. What's the point? I can't reason

with these people. They hurt me. I am so stressed about all this- I don't need

this. I hate that I let it get to me. I mean it was MY mom, and no one cares

about my feelings or even asks about my pregnancy. What really pisses me off is

that she gave me grief for not picking my mom's ashes up yet. Well guess what?

It took the crematorium a ridiculously long time to get the job done and I am

actually picking them up the soonest that I can, this Tuesday. I am just SO mad.

I am def. going NC with all of them. So do I tell them or just start ignoring

all contact attempts? I have never done this before. I feel like I should say

something, but then again that would just spark a bunch of back and forth. Like

I said, I can't reason with these people so what's the point? And why tell them

how I really feel about them to make me feel better? That's not taking the

higher road, although I have to admit I am tempted to give them all a piece of

my mind. I am really hurt by all this. And MAD. Mad that on top of the grief of

nada dying, and dealing with all those conflicting emotions while being pregnant

and trying to be present of my 17 month old I have to deal with this BS that is

so unnecessary. The icing on the cake- my mother in law is visiting and she is

perhaps the most annoying person I have ever met.

> Last thought that just occurred to me. I am mad at nada. Mad that every single

thing about her and her life had to be difficult.

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the support. I feel so safe here. Some of them are worse than my mom.

And I have a deadbeat dad and no siblings so I really feel alone. I do have a

wonderful husband and good friends so I am very fortunate in that way. This

morning my husband came into bed with my daughter and we were laying there

feeling the baby kick and I was like- THIS is what life is about, but I am

wasting it not enjoying these moments that I'll never get back b/c I am

depressed and wasting time on my FOO. That's what bothers me the most. I am

letting them steal this from me. Someone once said " never waste your time on

people who won't waste their time on you. " Yet I do it all the time. And that

makes me mad at myself. I'm tired of feeling like an emotional prisoner.

> >

> > So when nada died I thought I would finally be at peace. WRONG. How could I

forget about the rest of my dysfunctional FOO? Here's what happened- apparently

my aunt called nada's neighbor and the neighbor told her that I was having an

estate sale for nada's things this weekend. I am mad b/c I asked the neighbor

not to talk to my family. This neighbor is one of those types that tries to be

helpful and her heart is in the right place, but she keeps messing things up for

me. For example, she told the postman to take all nada's mail back to the post

office b/c I had filled out a change of address, which I did NOT. Stuff like

that. This neighbor is really stressing me out. But she's also done a lot to

help me too. Anyway, so my aunt calls my cousin and I get this frantic phone

call about how horrible it is that I am having an estate sale, that these people

are going through nada's things, blah, blah blah and that she wanted some of it

and would have treasured it. I let her in the house last weekend and told her to

take whatever she wanted, by the way. She also said that it was wrong of me to

spread nada's ashes even though that's what nada told me to do. So I sent her

short email basically saying that these things were left to me, it's my decision

and please respect my wishes. So I get this email back that is just reeking of

insult, assumptions and presumptions that make me think who the hell do you

think you are? I am not even going to respond. What's the point? I can't reason

with these people. They hurt me. I am so stressed about all this- I don't need

this. I hate that I let it get to me. I mean it was MY mom, and no one cares

about my feelings or even asks about my pregnancy. What really pisses me off is

that she gave me grief for not picking my mom's ashes up yet. Well guess what?

It took the crematorium a ridiculously long time to get the job done and I am

actually picking them up the soonest that I can, this Tuesday. I am just SO mad.

I am def. going NC with all of them. So do I tell them or just start ignoring

all contact attempts? I have never done this before. I feel like I should say

something, but then again that would just spark a bunch of back and forth. Like

I said, I can't reason with these people so what's the point? And why tell them

how I really feel about them to make me feel better? That's not taking the

higher road, although I have to admit I am tempted to give them all a piece of

my mind. I am really hurt by all this. And MAD. Mad that on top of the grief of

nada dying, and dealing with all those conflicting emotions while being pregnant

and trying to be present of my 17 month old I have to deal with this BS that is

so unnecessary. The icing on the cake- my mother in law is visiting and she is

perhaps the most annoying person I have ever met.

> > Last thought that just occurred to me. I am mad at nada. Mad that every

single thing about her and her life had to be difficult.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for sharing it, your post really brought it home. You get it,

and it reminded me of what is important so for a few brief minutes i 'get it'

too, until I lose it again. You sound very harshly critical of yourself in this

post though. Maybe as gentle as you will be with this newborn, you can be with

yourself, about your reactions to crazy people. Hugs.

> > >

> > > So when nada died I thought I would finally be at peace. WRONG. How could

I forget about the rest of my dysfunctional FOO? Here's what happened-

apparently my aunt called nada's neighbor and the neighbor told her that I was

having an estate sale for nada's things this weekend. I am mad b/c I asked the

neighbor not to talk to my family. This neighbor is one of those types that

tries to be helpful and her heart is in the right place, but she keeps messing

things up for me. For example, she told the postman to take all nada's mail back

to the post office b/c I had filled out a change of address, which I did NOT.

Stuff like that. This neighbor is really stressing me out. But she's also done a

lot to help me too. Anyway, so my aunt calls my cousin and I get this frantic

phone call about how horrible it is that I am having an estate sale, that these

people are going through nada's things, blah, blah blah and that she wanted some

of it and would have treasured it. I let her in the house last weekend and told

her to take whatever she wanted, by the way. She also said that it was wrong of

me to spread nada's ashes even though that's what nada told me to do. So I sent

her short email basically saying that these things were left to me, it's my

decision and please respect my wishes. So I get this email back that is just

reeking of insult, assumptions and presumptions that make me think who the hell

do you think you are? I am not even going to respond. What's the point? I can't

reason with these people. They hurt me. I am so stressed about all this- I don't

need this. I hate that I let it get to me. I mean it was MY mom, and no one

cares about my feelings or even asks about my pregnancy. What really pisses me

off is that she gave me grief for not picking my mom's ashes up yet. Well guess

what? It took the crematorium a ridiculously long time to get the job done and I

am actually picking them up the soonest that I can, this Tuesday. I am just SO

mad. I am def. going NC with all of them. So do I tell them or just start

ignoring all contact attempts? I have never done this before. I feel like I

should say something, but then again that would just spark a bunch of back and

forth. Like I said, I can't reason with these people so what's the point? And

why tell them how I really feel about them to make me feel better? That's not

taking the higher road, although I have to admit I am tempted to give them all a

piece of my mind. I am really hurt by all this. And MAD. Mad that on top of the

grief of nada dying, and dealing with all those conflicting emotions while being

pregnant and trying to be present of my 17 month old I have to deal with this BS

that is so unnecessary. The icing on the cake- my mother in law is visiting and

she is perhaps the most annoying person I have ever met.

> > > Last thought that just occurred to me. I am mad at nada. Mad that every

single thing about her and her life had to be difficult.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Peace? Hmm , Mozz, as you know, your nada died a year to the day after

mine did. You remember a song called Long Train Running?

A few thoughts below, interspersed with your post.

>

> So when nada died I thought I would finally be at peace. WRONG. How

could I forget about the rest of my dysfunctional FOO?

Here's what happened- apparently my aunt called nada's neighbor and the

neighbor told her that I was having an estate sale for nada's things

this weekend. I am mad b/c I asked the neighbor not to talk to my

family. This neighbor is one of those types that tries to be helpful and

her heart is in the right place, but she keeps messing things up for me.

It is not up to a neighbor to decided who is invited and who is not. I

have seen more or less functional families tear them selves to bits over

bits of shit left in a deceased persons house. It IS UP TO YOU. Anyone

who doesnt like it can go gargle concrete. Tell them I said so, and if

that is not enough, I was a sailor and I know much more colorful

language.

For example, she told the postman to take all nada's mail back to the

post office b/c I had filled out a change of address, which I did NOT.

Stuff like that.

If the postman acted on that, go to the PO and file a complaint. They

do NOT change mail delivery because Aunt Petunia in the hood says so.

You are the exector and only you can do a change of address.

Withholding her mail from her estate, you, is a federal offense.

This neighbor is really stressing me out.

Usually when we say someone is well meaning, we mean they are a damned

flying monkey, and for thier own reasons do the most irritating crap

that they have no right to do. NO prisoners. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS is

the message for her and the rest of your FOO.

But she's also done a lot to help me too. Anyway, so my aunt calls my

cousin and I get this frantic phone call about how horrible it is that I

am having an estate sale, that these people are going through nada's

things, blah, blah blah and that she wanted some of it and would have

treasured it. I let her in the house last weekend and told her to take

whatever she wanted, by the way. She also said that it was wrong of me

to spread nada's ashes even though that's what nada told me to do.

I would add to that, GO TO HELL Aunt Petunia. You are not the executor.

The responsility is mine. I had to do the legal stuff and will be , ( I

promise you Mozz, this is absolutely true ) a YEAR settling her estate.

BUTT OUT!

So I sent her short email basically saying that these things were left

to me, it's my decision and please respect my wishes. So I get this

email back that is just reeking of insult, assumptions and presumptions

that make me think who the hell do you think you are? I am not even

going to respond. What's the point? I can't reason with these people.

They hurt me. I am so stressed about all this- I don't need this. I hate

that I let it get to me.

It was your Mom, it is your business and not thiers. Repeat after me

Mozz, MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS. If they get pissed or hurt and you

feel bad later and want to make up, remember, I was grieving and out of

my mind with grief. I m not even sure what I said to who. For now, NO

PRISONERS.

I mean it was MY mom, and no one cares about my feelings or even asks

about my pregnancy. What really pisses me off is that she gave me grief

for not picking my mom's ashes up yet. Well guess what? It took the

crematorium a ridiculously long time to get the job done and I am

actually picking them up the soonest that I can, this Tuesday. I am just

SO mad. I am def. going NC with all of them. So do I tell them or just

start ignoring all contact attempts? I have never done this before. I

feel like I should say something, but then again that would just spark a

bunch of back and forth. Like I said, I can't reason with these people

so what's the point? And why tell them how I really feel about them to

make me feel better?

You don t OWE them a bit of information. These jerks should be worried

about YOU. You just lost your mom, you re pregnant and your hormones are

in a mess. They should be more concerned about you and your baby than

your moms damned ashes.

Once again, I repeat, tell them to MIND THIER OWN BUSINESS.

That's not taking the higher road, although I have to admit I am

tempted to give them all a piece of my mind. I am really hurt by all

this. And MAD. Mad that on top of the grief of nada dying, and dealing

with all those conflicting emotions while being pregnant and trying to

be present of my 17 month old I have to deal with this BS that is so

unnecessary. The icing on the cake- my mother in law is visiting and she

is perhaps the most annoying person I have ever met.

> Last thought that just occurred to me. I am mad at nada. Mad that

every single thing about her and her life had to be difficult.

It s ok to be mad, dear. You know it is part of your grief. You do what

YOU have to do. You tell the rest of them to piss off. Deal with it

your own way. I have been hurt, and angry, and felt a profound sense

of loss the last year. I lost my nada, and with her my last chance to

see things get right. I can only get things right in me. As can you. Be

the mom.

And its ok to grieve, whatever you feel. One last thought, next time,

tell your aunt you may have spread her ashes, but you didnt urinate on

them!

No, no, thats not nice. But it is funny.

It is your loss, your mom. They can all piss off.

Doug

>

[Guest guest]

I just wrote a reply to this, and then my computer did something weird so I am

not sure if the post went through. I don't think so, but sorry if it did and I

am writing the same thing twice. What I was basically saying was thank you for

pointing out that maybe I am being to critical of myself. I have always had a

problem with that- even since I was little. It was so bad I had a teacher call

my mom about it. I am going to try to be more understanding (to myself). I guess

it's just that even after all the years of therapy and all I have been through I

still sometimes wonder if maybe I am the one that really has the problem. Am I

exaggerating? Was it really that bad? I know this self doubt is just a flea, but

it is a really hard one for me to shake. It affects almost every aspect of my

life.

> > > >

> > > > So when nada died I thought I would finally be at peace. WRONG. How

could I forget about the rest of my dysfunctional FOO? Here's what happened-

apparently my aunt called nada's neighbor and the neighbor told her that I was

having an estate sale for nada's things this weekend. I am mad b/c I asked the

neighbor not to talk to my family. This neighbor is one of those types that

tries to be helpful and her heart is in the right place, but she keeps messing

things up for me. For example, she told the postman to take all nada's mail back

to the post office b/c I had filled out a change of address, which I did NOT.

Stuff like that. This neighbor is really stressing me out. But she's also done a

lot to help me too. Anyway, so my aunt calls my cousin and I get this frantic

phone call about how horrible it is that I am having an estate sale, that these

people are going through nada's things, blah, blah blah and that she wanted some

of it and would have treasured it. I let her in the house last weekend and told

her to take whatever she wanted, by the way. She also said that it was wrong of

me to spread nada's ashes even though that's what nada told me to do. So I sent

her short email basically saying that these things were left to me, it's my

decision and please respect my wishes. So I get this email back that is just

reeking of insult, assumptions and presumptions that make me think who the hell

do you think you are? I am not even going to respond. What's the point? I can't

reason with these people. They hurt me. I am so stressed about all this- I don't

need this. I hate that I let it get to me. I mean it was MY mom, and no one

cares about my feelings or even asks about my pregnancy. What really pisses me

off is that she gave me grief for not picking my mom's ashes up yet. Well guess

what? It took the crematorium a ridiculously long time to get the job done and I

am actually picking them up the soonest that I can, this Tuesday. I am just SO

mad. I am def. going NC with all of them. So do I tell them or just start

ignoring all contact attempts? I have never done this before. I feel like I

should say something, but then again that would just spark a bunch of back and

forth. Like I said, I can't reason with these people so what's the point? And

why tell them how I really feel about them to make me feel better? That's not

taking the higher road, although I have to admit I am tempted to give them all a

piece of my mind. I am really hurt by all this. And MAD. Mad that on top of the

grief of nada dying, and dealing with all those conflicting emotions while being

pregnant and trying to be present of my 17 month old I have to deal with this BS

that is so unnecessary. The icing on the cake- my mother in law is visiting and

she is perhaps the most annoying person I have ever met.

> > > > Last thought that just occurred to me. I am mad at nada. Mad that every

single thing about her and her life had to be difficult.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Doug do you feel any sense of freedom now that's she's gone? That's the feeling

I am hoping for.

> >

> > So when nada died I thought I would finally be at peace. WRONG. How

> could I forget about the rest of my dysfunctional FOO?

>

> Here's what happened- apparently my aunt called nada's neighbor and the

> neighbor told her that I was having an estate sale for nada's things

> this weekend. I am mad b/c I asked the neighbor not to talk to my

> family. This neighbor is one of those types that tries to be helpful and

> her heart is in the right place, but she keeps messing things up for me.

>

> It is not up to a neighbor to decided who is invited and who is not. I

> have seen more or less functional families tear them selves to bits over

> bits of shit left in a deceased persons house. It IS UP TO YOU. Anyone

> who doesnt like it can go gargle concrete. Tell them I said so, and if

> that is not enough, I was a sailor and I know much more colorful

> language.

>

>

>

> For example, she told the postman to take all nada's mail back to the

> post office b/c I had filled out a change of address, which I did NOT.

> Stuff like that.

>

> If the postman acted on that, go to the PO and file a complaint. They

> do NOT change mail delivery because Aunt Petunia in the hood says so.

> You are the exector and only you can do a change of address.

> Withholding her mail from her estate, you, is a federal offense.

>

>

>

> This neighbor is really stressing me out.

>

> Usually when we say someone is well meaning, we mean they are a damned

> flying monkey, and for thier own reasons do the most irritating crap

> that they have no right to do. NO prisoners. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS is

> the message for her and the rest of your FOO.

>

> But she's also done a lot to help me too. Anyway, so my aunt calls my

> cousin and I get this frantic phone call about how horrible it is that I

> am having an estate sale, that these people are going through nada's

> things, blah, blah blah and that she wanted some of it and would have

> treasured it. I let her in the house last weekend and told her to take

> whatever she wanted, by the way. She also said that it was wrong of me

> to spread nada's ashes even though that's what nada told me to do.

>

> I would add to that, GO TO HELL Aunt Petunia. You are not the executor.

> The responsility is mine. I had to do the legal stuff and will be , ( I

> promise you Mozz, this is absolutely true ) a YEAR settling her estate.

> BUTT OUT!

>

>

> So I sent her short email basically saying that these things were left

> to me, it's my decision and please respect my wishes. So I get this

> email back that is just reeking of insult, assumptions and presumptions

> that make me think who the hell do you think you are? I am not even

> going to respond. What's the point? I can't reason with these people.

> They hurt me. I am so stressed about all this- I don't need this. I hate

> that I let it get to me.

>

> It was your Mom, it is your business and not thiers. Repeat after me

> Mozz, MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS. If they get pissed or hurt and you

> feel bad later and want to make up, remember, I was grieving and out of

> my mind with grief. I m not even sure what I said to who. For now, NO

> PRISONERS.

>

>

> I mean it was MY mom, and no one cares about my feelings or even asks

> about my pregnancy. What really pisses me off is that she gave me grief

> for not picking my mom's ashes up yet. Well guess what? It took the

> crematorium a ridiculously long time to get the job done and I am

> actually picking them up the soonest that I can, this Tuesday. I am just

> SO mad. I am def. going NC with all of them. So do I tell them or just

> start ignoring all contact attempts? I have never done this before. I

> feel like I should say something, but then again that would just spark a

> bunch of back and forth. Like I said, I can't reason with these people

> so what's the point? And why tell them how I really feel about them to

> make me feel better?

>

> You don t OWE them a bit of information. These jerks should be worried

> about YOU. You just lost your mom, you re pregnant and your hormones are

> in a mess. They should be more concerned about you and your baby than

> your moms damned ashes.

>

> Once again, I repeat, tell them to MIND THIER OWN BUSINESS.

>

>

> That's not taking the higher road, although I have to admit I am

> tempted to give them all a piece of my mind. I am really hurt by all

> this. And MAD. Mad that on top of the grief of nada dying, and dealing

> with all those conflicting emotions while being pregnant and trying to

> be present of my 17 month old I have to deal with this BS that is so

> unnecessary. The icing on the cake- my mother in law is visiting and she

> is perhaps the most annoying person I have ever met.

> > Last thought that just occurred to me. I am mad at nada. Mad that

> every single thing about her and her life had to be difficult.

>

>

> It s ok to be mad, dear. You know it is part of your grief. You do what

> YOU have to do. You tell the rest of them to piss off. Deal with it

> your own way. I have been hurt, and angry, and felt a profound sense

> of loss the last year. I lost my nada, and with her my last chance to

> see things get right. I can only get things right in me. As can you. Be

> the mom.

>

> And its ok to grieve, whatever you feel. One last thought, next time,

> tell your aunt you may have spread her ashes, but you didnt urinate on

> them!

>

> No, no, thats not nice. But it is funny.

>

> It is your loss, your mom. They can all piss off.

>

> Doug

>

>

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Mozz - Well, I was going to write something more, but as happens often, Doug

took the words right out of my mouth (keyboard?) - but I do want to " second " his

statement that it takes a YEAR (or more) to plow through estate matters. You

have a long row to hoe, here. The aunts, cousins, neighbors, etc. are not going

to be able to " help " with a lot of the paperwork that only you can do. And those

who don't even offer to help with the stuff they COULD do should just stay the

hell out of your way.

You gave your aunt a chance to get whatever mementos she wanted, BEFORE you held

the sale. She had her chance. It sounds like she's just interested in whining

about every move you make - so she is no longer a " valid " voice. Forget her.

You may have to forego any family relationship with her later because of this,

but it sounds like she's a bigger pain in the ass than she's worth - so no big

loss there.

As to the neighbor, she may have been a great help to your mom in her final

years, but now she's messing with your ability to get this job done. It's nice

to have the help, but you might have to tell her - kindly, but bluntly - that

any and all questions about your mom's estate have to be answered by you, and

you alone - nobody else can make these decisions, so anybody (i.e. the postman)

who has questions should call YOU. Give her your phone number to pass along to

those who need to discuss business elements of the estate, such as where to send

the mail.

It may seem like your mother's hold on your time and energy will never end, now

that you're working through the estate - but hold on, there is an end to this.

It just takes longer than most people expect, even with the dear departed is

sane and has made good estate plans.

> >

> > So when nada died I thought I would finally be at peace. WRONG. How

> could I forget about the rest of my dysfunctional FOO?

>

> Here's what happened- apparently my aunt called nada's neighbor and the

> neighbor told her that I was having an estate sale for nada's things

> this weekend. I am mad b/c I asked the neighbor not to talk to my

> family. This neighbor is one of those types that tries to be helpful and

> her heart is in the right place, but she keeps messing things up for me.

>

> It is not up to a neighbor to decided who is invited and who is not. I

> have seen more or less functional families tear them selves to bits over

> bits of shit left in a deceased persons house. It IS UP TO YOU. Anyone

> who doesnt like it can go gargle concrete. Tell them I said so, and if

> that is not enough, I was a sailor and I know much more colorful

> language.

>

>

>

> For example, she told the postman to take all nada's mail back to the

> post office b/c I had filled out a change of address, which I did NOT.

> Stuff like that.

>

> If the postman acted on that, go to the PO and file a complaint. They

> do NOT change mail delivery because Aunt Petunia in the hood says so.

> You are the exector and only you can do a change of address.

> Withholding her mail from her estate, you, is a federal offense.

>

>

>

> This neighbor is really stressing me out.

>

> Usually when we say someone is well meaning, we mean they are a damned

> flying monkey, and for thier own reasons do the most irritating crap

> that they have no right to do. NO prisoners. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS is

> the message for her and the rest of your FOO.

>

> But she's also done a lot to help me too. Anyway, so my aunt calls my

> cousin and I get this frantic phone call about how horrible it is that I

> am having an estate sale, that these people are going through nada's

> things, blah, blah blah and that she wanted some of it and would have

> treasured it. I let her in the house last weekend and told her to take

> whatever she wanted, by the way. She also said that it was wrong of me

> to spread nada's ashes even though that's what nada told me to do.

>

> I would add to that, GO TO HELL Aunt Petunia. You are not the executor.

> The responsility is mine. I had to do the legal stuff and will be , ( I

> promise you Mozz, this is absolutely true ) a YEAR settling her estate.

> BUTT OUT!

>

>

> So I sent her short email basically saying that these things were left

> to me, it's my decision and please respect my wishes. So I get this

> email back that is just reeking of insult, assumptions and presumptions

> that make me think who the hell do you think you are? I am not even

> going to respond. What's the point? I can't reason with these people.

> They hurt me. I am so stressed about all this- I don't need this. I hate

> that I let it get to me.

>

> It was your Mom, it is your business and not thiers. Repeat after me

> Mozz, MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS. If they get pissed or hurt and you

> feel bad later and want to make up, remember, I was grieving and out of

> my mind with grief. I m not even sure what I said to who. For now, NO

> PRISONERS.

>

>

> I mean it was MY mom, and no one cares about my feelings or even asks

> about my pregnancy. What really pisses me off is that she gave me grief

> for not picking my mom's ashes up yet. Well guess what? It took the

> crematorium a ridiculously long time to get the job done and I am

> actually picking them up the soonest that I can, this Tuesday. I am just

> SO mad. I am def. going NC with all of them. So do I tell them or just

> start ignoring all contact attempts? I have never done this before. I

> feel like I should say something, but then again that would just spark a

> bunch of back and forth. Like I said, I can't reason with these people

> so what's the point? And why tell them how I really feel about them to

> make me feel better?

>

> You don t OWE them a bit of information. These jerks should be worried

> about YOU. You just lost your mom, you re pregnant and your hormones are

> in a mess. They should be more concerned about you and your baby than

> your moms damned ashes.

>

> Once again, I repeat, tell them to MIND THIER OWN BUSINESS.

>

>

> That's not taking the higher road, although I have to admit I am

> tempted to give them all a piece of my mind. I am really hurt by all

> this. And MAD. Mad that on top of the grief of nada dying, and dealing

> with all those conflicting emotions while being pregnant and trying to

> be present of my 17 month old I have to deal with this BS that is so

> unnecessary. The icing on the cake- my mother in law is visiting and she

> is perhaps the most annoying person I have ever met.

> > Last thought that just occurred to me. I am mad at nada. Mad that

> every single thing about her and her life had to be difficult.

>

>

> It s ok to be mad, dear. You know it is part of your grief. You do what

> YOU have to do. You tell the rest of them to piss off. Deal with it

> your own way. I have been hurt, and angry, and felt a profound sense

> of loss the last year. I lost my nada, and with her my last chance to

> see things get right. I can only get things right in me. As can you. Be

> the mom.

>

> And its ok to grieve, whatever you feel. One last thought, next time,

> tell your aunt you may have spread her ashes, but you didnt urinate on

> them!

>

> No, no, thats not nice. But it is funny.

>

> It is your loss, your mom. They can all piss off.

>

> Doug

>

>

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Now I got a message from my cousin saying she needs to talk to me b/c some of my

mom's school friends from her hometown are planning a memorial service. WTF???

Why wouldn't her friends come to me? I am not responding to my cosuin, but did

email my mom's best friend from childhood to find out what's going on. I am

really upset b/c I feel like everyone is against me and going behind my back. I

am also wondering if the service wasn't really my cousin's idea. They can do

whatever they want, but these people need to understand nada didn't WANT a

service, which is why I didn't do one. Yet my cousin acts like she knows better

and that nada did want a service. Yet more reinforcement that these people need

to be out of my life.

>

> So when nada died I thought I would finally be at peace. WRONG. How could I

forget about the rest of my dysfunctional FOO? Here's what happened- apparently

my aunt called nada's neighbor and the neighbor told her that I was having an

estate sale for nada's things this weekend. I am mad b/c I asked the neighbor

not to talk to my family. This neighbor is one of those types that tries to be

helpful and her heart is in the right place, but she keeps messing things up for

me. For example, she told the postman to take all nada's mail back to the post

office b/c I had filled out a change of address, which I did NOT. Stuff like

that. This neighbor is really stressing me out. But she's also done a lot to

help me too. Anyway, so my aunt calls my cousin and I get this frantic phone

call about how horrible it is that I am having an estate sale, that these people

are going through nada's things, blah, blah blah and that she wanted some of it

and would have treasured it. I let her in the house last weekend and told her to

take whatever she wanted, by the way. She also said that it was wrong of me to

spread nada's ashes even though that's what nada told me to do. So I sent her

short email basically saying that these things were left to me, it's my decision

and please respect my wishes. So I get this email back that is just reeking of

insult, assumptions and presumptions that make me think who the hell do you

think you are? I am not even going to respond. What's the point? I can't reason

with these people. They hurt me. I am so stressed about all this- I don't need

this. I hate that I let it get to me. I mean it was MY mom, and no one cares

about my feelings or even asks about my pregnancy. What really pisses me off is

that she gave me grief for not picking my mom's ashes up yet. Well guess what?

It took the crematorium a ridiculously long time to get the job done and I am

actually picking them up the soonest that I can, this Tuesday. I am just SO mad.

I am def. going NC with all of them. So do I tell them or just start ignoring

all contact attempts? I have never done this before. I feel like I should say

something, but then again that would just spark a bunch of back and forth. Like

I said, I can't reason with these people so what's the point? And why tell them

how I really feel about them to make me feel better? That's not taking the

higher road, although I have to admit I am tempted to give them all a piece of

my mind. I am really hurt by all this. And MAD. Mad that on top of the grief of

nada dying, and dealing with all those conflicting emotions while being pregnant

and trying to be present of my 17 month old I have to deal with this BS that is

so unnecessary. The icing on the cake- my mother in law is visiting and she is

perhaps the most annoying person I have ever met.

> Last thought that just occurred to me. I am mad at nada. Mad that every single

thing about her and her life had to be difficult.

>

[Guest guest]

Latest email from my cousin- I haven't responded to her since her original email

but did delete her off my FB:

" You are so immature! Screw you if that is how you want to be. I can't believe

you deleted me off your facebook. WHATEVER!! Your Mom would be so upset. All

for what because you suck and are handling affairs wrong. Who let's their

Mother's ashes sit at the morgue for weeks???You will be sorry some day "

>

> So when nada died I thought I would finally be at peace. WRONG. How could I

forget about the rest of my dysfunctional FOO? Here's what happened- apparently

my aunt called nada's neighbor and the neighbor told her that I was having an

estate sale for nada's things this weekend. I am mad b/c I asked the neighbor

not to talk to my family. This neighbor is one of those types that tries to be

helpful and her heart is in the right place, but she keeps messing things up for

me. For example, she told the postman to take all nada's mail back to the post

office b/c I had filled out a change of address, which I did NOT. Stuff like

that. This neighbor is really stressing me out. But she's also done a lot to

help me too. Anyway, so my aunt calls my cousin and I get this frantic phone

call about how horrible it is that I am having an estate sale, that these people

are going through nada's things, blah, blah blah and that she wanted some of it

and would have treasured it. I let her in the house last weekend and told her to

take whatever she wanted, by the way. She also said that it was wrong of me to

spread nada's ashes even though that's what nada told me to do. So I sent her

short email basically saying that these things were left to me, it's my decision

and please respect my wishes. So I get this email back that is just reeking of

insult, assumptions and presumptions that make me think who the hell do you

think you are? I am not even going to respond. What's the point? I can't reason

with these people. They hurt me. I am so stressed about all this- I don't need

this. I hate that I let it get to me. I mean it was MY mom, and no one cares

about my feelings or even asks about my pregnancy. What really pisses me off is

that she gave me grief for not picking my mom's ashes up yet. Well guess what?

It took the crematorium a ridiculously long time to get the job done and I am

actually picking them up the soonest that I can, this Tuesday. I am just SO mad.

I am def. going NC with all of them. So do I tell them or just start ignoring

all contact attempts? I have never done this before. I feel like I should say

something, but then again that would just spark a bunch of back and forth. Like

I said, I can't reason with these people so what's the point? And why tell them

how I really feel about them to make me feel better? That's not taking the

higher road, although I have to admit I am tempted to give them all a piece of

my mind. I am really hurt by all this. And MAD. Mad that on top of the grief of

nada dying, and dealing with all those conflicting emotions while being pregnant

and trying to be present of my 17 month old I have to deal with this BS that is

so unnecessary. The icing on the cake- my mother in law is visiting and she is

perhaps the most annoying person I have ever met.

> Last thought that just occurred to me. I am mad at nada. Mad that every single

thing about her and her life had to be difficult.

>

[Guest guest]

sounds like your cousin is the immature one !! she sounds like how a 7th

grader would..

Jackie

Latest email from my cousin- I haven't responded to her since her original

email but did delete her off my FB:

" You are so immature! Screw you if that is how you want to be. I can't

believe you deleted me off your facebook. WHATEVER!! Your Mom would be so

upset. All for what because you suck and are handling affairs wrong. Who

let's their Mother's ashes sit at the morgue for weeks???You will be sorry

some day "