Does anyone else feel like a human dry-erase board?

[Guest guest]

I wrote a long post but I lost it when my computer rebooted. But no matter what

my identity is, no matter what the truth is, my mother can just take the eraser

and scrub it all out and write what she wants the truth to be right on top of

the now blank me and then that is what I am and how it went down. I am not what

I am, I am what she needs me to be, which is apparently whatever negative

emotion she is feeling at the time that she can't cope with. All the things that

have happened to me don't count, but her suffering is real and tragic. My

father's abuse of her and her daughters in law (verbal) is horrible but his

lifelong abuse of me didn't happen, happened because I deserved it, or happened

only in response to MY abuse of HIM. I am coming to the conclusion all she sees

in me is a blank slate on which to project her negative emotions and

conclusions about life. What makes it harder is she never loses her composure,

she never gets emotionally overwrought, she never even raises her voice. In fact

she gets quieter, more still, and more in control when she is doing this

projection/deflection thing that she does to me. I on the other hand get so

frustrated about having my existence and reality in general invalidated that I

want to scream. And there is this little voice that tells me I am making

something out of nothing because all mothers are supposed to drive their adult

children crazy, that is their job. And it's nothing out of the ordinary.

Probably because she is so un-hysterical and emotionally undemonstrative when

she is doing the invalidating. It makes me feel nuts.