Being suicdal versus manipulation

[Guest guest]

I would love to see a discussion about this because my mother had been so

suicidal my entire life. No real attempts besides the dramatic running into the

bedroom with a loaded gun for everyone in the family to see and my dad rescuing

her.

This behavior my mother had shaped me in so many ways. It made me fearful,

anxious, angry, and depressed. I was constantly worried (as a little girl) that

I'd come home and find my mother dead.

At some point, it clicked with me that she wasn't going to do it -- although it

was in the back of my mind, I decided I would not be responsible for it.

I think my mother was somewhat suicidal. I think she was so overwhelmed with her

emotions and depression that she wanted to do it so she said it. But I also

think it was a huge manipulation trip with her.

I once found a suicide note she had written (obviously didn't follow through

with) and it basically said, " Nobody cares if I live or die " and called me, my

sister, and my dad's names specifically. It also makes me really angry at my

father for sitting by and doing NOTHING when my mother did these things -- not

even so much as taking me aside and talking to tell me it wasn't my fault. In

fact, he would tell me to do whatever she said to keep peace because it made

things harder on HIM when I didn't keep peace.

How many of you felt this burden as kids? And how many of you feel your parents

weren't truly suicidal but were doing it to manipulate other family members?

My mother made no secret of her being suicidal. My father made no attempts to

get her help.

I do believe if it was this day in time and not back in the 80's, CPS may have

intervened.