Keeping ourselves safe from desperation/Chelsea

[Guest guest]

Moderator's note:

Thank you for the compliments Bennie, but let me add a few things.

None of us are at the computer watching for messages 24 hours each day. We each

check whenever we can.

Feel free to vent at anytime, but if you feel suicidal, please, please, please

call 911, or whatever the phone number for the local ambulance.

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

National USA phone number:

1- This is also listed as 1-800-273-TALK

Please, please do not wait at your computer for one of us to read, post, and

answer a desperate plea.

I would also suggest that the bullets, gun and medications be locked in a

separate locations.

Be safe everyone.

Kaylene

> Chelsea wrote:

> on another note, i have asked my husband to lock my meds (and my personal gun)

in his gun locker and not give me the key. he hands my daily meds to me in the

morning and then I'm not tempted, at some despairing moment, to take a bottle

full or to seek out the " comfort " of my .44 special when I'm not in my right

mind due to the depression.

Chelsea,

This is a good idea and also put a note about how special you are to others. You

are a great person dealing with a situational depression and you need to get

your pain under control so you do not want to leave this world.

Your husband is like mine who gives my meds to me at 5 am so they are kicked in

and I will not be hurting badly.

Put a note on the gun cabinet that you are loved and read it often. There is

someone here in the group 24/7, I stay up at night, and no one will condemn you

if you say sometimes you would just like to go to sleep forever than deal with

your pain.

Please read " The Survival Guide for Intractable Pain Patient " by Dr. Forest

Tenent, it is a comprehensive pain guide that really puts

information in one place and is downloadable from the internet. Dr. Tenent has

studied pain for many years and offers great info.

I am not endorsing him but it is just a contact and is also on paintopics.org

which is a good site also. There are many people here

and are the most caring group I have encountered.

The moderators know what they are talking about and will always be here for you

and give so much of their time, so a huge thank you to them as it has been

awhile since we thanked them.

This group also does off topics that will make you smile and realize we do have

moments of happiness with the pain and humor is something we hang on to. Hope

your pain is getting better.

Bennie

[Guest guest]

>Chelsea wrote:

>on another note, i have asked my husband to lock my meds (and my personal gun)

in his gun locker and not give me the key. he hands my daily meds to me in the

morning and then I'm not tempted, at some despairing moment, to take a bottle

full or to seek out the " comfort " of my .44 special when I'm not in my right

mind due to the depression.

kaylene,

I just meant to say different ones of us are on here at different times at night

and YES, I never would allow guns or large amounts of medications be at disposal

because they can be stolen for one and taken by anyone.

It was a point that personal messages can be sent also with permission if you

needed to vent.

I never would place that responsibility on anyone and I encourage people who are

enticed, use a med minder that only allows one dosage a at a time.

If you have a plan to kill yourself, you need to speak to a counselor as that is

a red flag. Saying you feel so bad that you wish you could go to sleep and not

wake up is a depression flag and needs to be monitored and still talk to your

medical doctor.

I wanted to just suggest that instead of concentrating on seeing the gun every

time the medications are administered, a different message is posted on how

worthwhile that Chelsea is and another locked place besides the gun and

medication being in the same place might send a mixed message and positive

messages could be posted reminding her of her worthiness.

I agree wholeheartedly with Kaylene and the group are not medical personnel that

know your specific medical needs, we can only share our experiences and everyone

is different and I read what others have to say and then talk to my medical

staff and research it for myself, get second opinions, and make a decision for

myself with the input I find.

I believe as others here that have had to seek for themselves, it is so

important to research for yourself as only you know what is going on in your

body and it will also empower you over this pain journey and that is one of the

best feelings you can have.

Chelsea, you have identified many of the issues in your medical history and that

is such a great start and I believe a

pain dairy would help you to communicate effectively with your pain management

doctors and assist them.

There are templates on the internet and if you need a copy of one, I have one

and you are free to contact me personally.

I did not mean to reflect the moderators are up 24/7 but many of us are

insomniacs and do not mind a personal contact to vent. You might also get your

friend to monitor you when you are so down, I did this with my sister and she

made sure that I got a doctor's appointment when I was overwhelmed when I first

got disabled and was so depressed.

I know that 211 is also a National Directory line so it is an easy number for

support and resources in your area to maybe

include support groups.

Good Luck Chelsea-Bennie

[Guest guest]

**thank you Kaylene, my husband took it one step further and dismantled my gun

and put them in the gun safe to which i do not have the combination, he then

went and bought a lock box for my meds and carries the keys with him so i am

safe from my down times.

i don't mean to use this forum as my own personal 911 and would never expect you

all to keep a watch on me. it's not necessary, I'm ok and am protected from the

things that i can hurt my self with. thank you so much to the moderators here

how do so much for all of us.

Bennie:

**thank you for your suggestions and caring. i will be ordering a copy of that

book right away (The Survival Guide for Intractable Pain Patient " by Dr. Forest

Tenent). I did put a clipping of a message that i received here from Bonnadel on

my computer so that i will read it everyday to remind me that someone may need

me someday just like i need all of you now, and if i weren't here i would not be

able to help them.

Then there's my dogs, i can't leave them, no one would love them like i do

(how's that for hubris?), so I'm okay for now. i am going to discuss these dark

moments with my doc when i see her on Tuesday.

in the meantime, thank you all here, every one of you. I'm going to be okay. i

can take it, really i can. there's something better than this pain waiting for

me down the road, maybe through a decent diagnosis, a new drug regiment,

something. it isn't always going to be like this. that keeps me going.

many thanks and soft hugs

Chelsea

[Guest guest]

>Bennie wrote to Kaylene and Chelsea:

>

> I did not mean to reflect the moderators are up 24/7 but many of us are

insomniacs and do not mind a personal contact to vent. You might also get your

friend to monitor you when you are so down, I did this with my sister and she

made sure that I got a doctor's appointment when I was overwhelmed when I first

got disabled and was so depressed.

**Dear bennie and Kaylene:

I am sorry if it seemed that i was using this group to monitor my suicidal

tendencies, that was not my intent and i apologize. i was venting. measures

have been taken by my dear husband to " Chelsea-proof " the house and i not longer

have access to anything with which to do myself harm.

I've also contacted my best friend and told her of my current mental state and

she's promised to take her cell with her everywhere and answer my call any time

of the day or night.

seems a good trade off since back in the good old days i quite literally saved

her from two suicide attempts and she's been under the care of an excellent

physician ever since. so turnabout is fair play and i know she's there and won't

judge me no matter what.

i sincerely want to thank everyone here and I'm truly sorry that i worried

anyone. it just gets to be too much sometimes but I'm trying my best and that's

all any of us can do.

thank you all so much

Chelsea

[Guest guest]

My dogs have gotten me through many a dark moment. If I didn't have my

animals things would be really bad.

" Sweet Goat Mama "

CarAlyn Eddy

www.goattracksmagazine.com