Feeling Guilty

[Guest guest]

>Becky in Illinois wrote:

>My 80 year old mom accidentally, we think, overdosed on her kidney medication

which thew her into a heart attack and is now using a pace maker.

>I am angry at my body tonight for not being strong enough to make the drive

myself, not being able to spend the night in the intensive care waiting room on

those stupid pull-out couches, and not being able to give my sisters the relief

I know they need. My sisters are not complaining; they are very sweet--it's

just my guilt

Hi Becky

I so sorry that your mom is so sick. Is there any way you can stay at a motel so

you can visit more often? The couches in the intensive care can't possibly be

comfortable. I can't imagine that your Mom would want you to become sicker, and

in hideous pain just to be with her.

It's wonderful that your sisters are understanding. That's rare in most

families.

Take good care of yourself. Beating yourself up won't help you, nor your mom.

Take care

Kaylene

[Guest guest]

Becky in Illinois,

 

First, let me say that  I'm so sorry that your mom is so sick right now. As

someone who isn't living close to her family anymore, I can understand your

emotions at this time. On the other hand, your mom wouldn't want you to feel

guilty at all for having a condition that causes you chronic pain & the limits

your ability to be by her side physically. When you did see her yesterday, it

allowed her to feel our emotional support & love.

 

Lori in Texas

[Guest guest]

Thank you everyone for your kind support for me as I deal with my mother's heart

attack miles away from me. I did make the trip over to see her once because I

had my daughter to assist me. But it has taken me 2 days to recover from the

trip. Next time, I will not have her to help me as she goes back to college. I

am trying to decided when and if I can go again later this week. My mom did

finally wake up and is able to stay alert for a few minutes. She has seen

everyone but me of course. I am hoping to get over there so she can see me but

know that I just have to find somewhere to stay overnight if I go. I also will

have to bring my dog as I have no one to care for him if I stay for more than

one day. I am going to research motels in the area. He is little (Chihuahua)

and is used to staying in a crate while I work so that's not a problem. I just

have to see if I can afford a motel. Well you, all have a great day with as

little pain as possible in all this freezing cold! Becky in ILlinois

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[Guest guest]

heldings@... wrote:

> Thank you everyone for your kind support for me as I deal with my mother's

heart attack miles away from me. I did make the trip over to see her once

because I had my daughter to assist me. But it has taken me 2 days to recover

from the trip. Next time, I will not have her to help me as she goes back to

college. I am trying to decided when and if I can go again later this week. My

mom did finally wake up and is able to stay alert for a few minutes. She has

seen everyone but me of course. I am hoping to get over there so she can see

me but know that I just have to find somewhere to stay overnight if I go. I

also will have to bring my dog as I have no one to care for him if I stay for

more than one day. I am going to research motels in the area. He is little

(Chihuahua) and is used to staying in a crate while I work so that's not a

problem. I just have to see if I can afford a motel. Well you, all have a

great day with as little pain as possible in all this freezing cold! Becky in

ILlinois

Becky,

The motels next to the hospital we stayed out were very reasonable with the

hospital reduced rates. Also, talk to the social worker assigned to you

Mom or Nurse and she can help you out, Be Honest. Call the nurses station and

ask if someone call let you speak to your Mom by their Cell phone or

phone in the Hospital. They did this with my Mom when I couldn't get down there

soon enough before she died. Those few minutes that my SIster said

even though she had a stroke and her eyes were fixed, tears came out when I

spoke to her (sorry if this is graphic) and I know she knew she was

loved.

I am so glad she woke up and Most hotels will give you a break with a pet that

small and not even charge for pet rate since he is small.

La Quinta was really good with us and many others I have used with my pets.

Just take your breaks and take a picture of you to paste in your Mother's room

so every time she opens her eyes she knows you are there.

This is what we did with my Dad when he had his heart attack along with drawings

from his grandchildren to let him know he had a reason to

live. This was ten years ago when he was 79 and he just turned ninety and he had

quadruple bypass and has continued to do well and works

his farm.

Good Luck and let us know how you and your family is, I am thinking of you from

my electric blanket, It is cold. Bennie

[Guest guest]

The hospital here hires 'sitters' from a separate place. They hire at discretion

and expense. You should have no guilt. It's their responsibility. My prayers are

with you and your pain to give you strength.

Good luck

Cathie

>This is a weird hospital. They hired a " babysitter " for my mom because no one

in my family was able to be with her 24 hours 7 days a week in ICU. I thought

that was the job of the hospital staff.

[Guest guest]

Thanks everyone for suggesting the La Quinta motels. I am actually staying at

one right now thanks to you all.

My mom had another heart attack today and they coded her. Did CPR on her and

now have her hooked up to a ventilator.

I drove over to Indiana and am resting for 30 minutes before heading to

hospital. My sister said she was stable so figured I'd lay down for a few

minutes and take a Percocet and then go over and I'd be able to sit for awhile.

This is a weird hospital. They hired a " babysitter " for my mom because no one

in my family was able to be with her 24 hours 7 days a week in ICU. I thought

that was the job of the hospital staff.

I cannot because of my chronic pain and living 4 hours away and my sisters both

have little ones besides their jobs and living 40 minutes away.

The hospital said it was our duty to be there and if we couldn't, they would

just hire someone. Has anyone heard of this before? I was feeling guilty enough

and now feel even worse. I cannot stay here indefinitely.

[Guest guest]

As a former overworked RN in a major hospital in Daytona Beach I can tell you

that the hiring of sitters is now fairly common.

This is in part due to the staffing shortage, so that sadly more and more of

patient care in the hospital, such as " watching/sitting " has fallen to the

families. In order to reduce hospital liability the facility will hire

additional support staff on the patient behalf,(bill).

I started nursing in 1979 and there was a shortage then, and there remains one

today and probably will always be one. A shortage of staff makes what staff

remains very overworked and very stressed out which in turn causes " Burn Out "

and that leads to quitting and or retiring or a major career change.

I spent 20+ years in the field, and was rotated to floors where I never worked

due to staffing shortage. Even though I was an RN and a lot of us where, we

ended up being used as aides or LPN's which if you think about it you are paying

a higher salaried worker to do a job that was eliminated to save money.

I am sure I speak for all of us who worked or are working in the field, until

the hospital gets its act together and uses logic and understanding of a nurses

job, there will always be " Burn Out " as we are not robots, have feelings and are

not superwomen. We can only do so much and no more, despite the hospitals

shouting and demanding more and more from less and less staff.

Peggy/MI