Re: Long term scars from my nada lying so much when I was growing up

[Guest guest]

I've always felt that trust is something earned, not just given away. When

someone proves to me they're trustworthy, then I begin to open up and trust more

a little at the time. It's hard for us as KO's to know when its okay to trust

since our trust was broken so easily. I think it just takes time and practice

and a whole lot of patience (something I am not very good at!).

Long term scars from my nada lying so much when I

was growing up

Hi folks. To this day I get very angry and feel threatened when someone lies to

me. I never lose my vigilance against that. I know my vigilance comes from my

nada's habitual lying. And yet I feel that I overreact. Any suggestions on how

to feel less defensive when lied to or more trusting in people near and dear?

[Guest guest]

that is a great question. I am pretty much the same way about the defensiveness

so it will be interesting to hear what people have to say about it. I could

never separate my reactions out from the events until I was able to clearly

understand about the personality disorders and that it wasn't 'me'. Now I feel

like I can finally learn to protect myself in my dealings with others by scaling

them back a bit.

>

> Hi folks. To this day I get very angry and feel threatened when someone lies

to me. I never lose my vigilance against that. I know my vigilance comes from my

nada's habitual lying. And yet I feel that I overreact. Any suggestions on how

to feel less defensive when lied to or more trusting in people near and dear?

>

[Guest guest]

I'm glad you brought that up. I was, am, so over the top about teaching my kids

and now my grandchildren to never lie. I am stricter about that than anything

else.

I have a lot of things I do that I know are unhealthy and haven't learned to

change yet.

My husband is a liar, nothing big, just tells you what he thinks he wants to

hear and lies to stay out of " trouble " . I never call him on it because I'm

afraid of starting trouble, but it has caused me to lose a lot of respect for

him. I usually don't ask questions of my kids, they are grown now, if I think it

might make them feel the need to lie to me. I flat out fire my employees if I

find out they lied to me, but I stay in my marraige because I know he loves me.

Besides, I expect men to lie. I just do.

I question anything anyones says.

So yes, her lying all my life has really made me weird about it. I think I just

figure that some people are liars, and everyone lies sometimes.

> >

> > Hi folks. To this day I get very angry and feel threatened when someone lies

to me. I never lose my vigilance against that. I know my vigilance comes from my

nada's habitual lying. And yet I feel that I overreact. Any suggestions on how

to feel less defensive when lied to or more trusting in people near and dear?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Maybe when answering this question someone might be able to answer this one too-

on the flip side, I am hyper-vigilant that people think I am lying, even though

I have never been a liar. Does this go hand-in-hand or is this something

different then the original post? I feel they are sort of connected, maybe.

>

> Hi folks. To this day I get very angry and feel threatened when someone lies

to me. I never lose my vigilance against that. I know my vigilance comes from my

nada's habitual lying. And yet I feel that I overreact. Any suggestions on how

to feel less defensive when lied to or more trusting in people near and dear?

>

[Guest guest]

I am the same way. I have autism spectrum traits so problems with eye contact

and speaking...and was accused of lying by my father who is just a few shades

off of being pathological. He would lie then I would tell my mother the truth

then he'd tell her I was lying and she'd believe him. Still does in fact. I

truly believe she thinks I am a dishonest person because of this. It's such a

joke. So naturally I pretty much go to pieces when someone thinks I am lying. I

have been falsely accused of things on jobs a couple of times and it really tore

me asunder (spats with coworkers, both of whom did have some pretty serious

problems with dishonesty). It was nothing for them to lie but for me it is a

huge deal, the truth.

> >

> > Hi folks. To this day I get very angry and feel threatened when someone lies

to me. I never lose my vigilance against that. I know my vigilance comes from my

nada's habitual lying. And yet I feel that I overreact. Any suggestions on how

to feel less defensive when lied to or more trusting in people near and dear?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

YES!! OMG, I sooooooo feel like this. My mother used to tell people all the time

that I was a pathological liar or accuse me of lying when I wasn't. The amazing

thing was that SHE was always the one telling the lies. Her favorite line

towards me was always, " you lied when the truth suited you better. " okay.

Whatever.

Re: Long term scars from my nada lying so much when

I was growing up

Maybe when answering this question someone might be able to answer this one too-

on the flip side, I am hyper-vigilant that people think I am lying, even though

I have never been a liar. Does this go hand-in-hand or is this something

different then the original post? I feel they are sort of connected, maybe.

>

> Hi folks. To this day I get very angry and feel threatened when someone lies

to me. I never lose my vigilance against that. I know my vigilance comes from my

nada's habitual lying. And yet I feel that I overreact. Any suggestions on how

to feel less defensive when lied to or more trusting in people near and dear?

>