Crying over my lost childhood

[Guest guest]

Hi All,

 

I have been very sad today, shedding tears for my lost childhood.  They just

came over me when I was watching my beautiful 6 year old son playing, with not a

care in the world, so happy, so pure, and thriving, the way children should be

allowed to thrive and grow.

 

Whilst watching him I felt this sudden sadness come over me, thinking if only my

nada could have just looked at herself, realised the way her behaviour was and

does affect both my sister and I, and maybe just maybe she could have got

herself into therapy of some kind....................yeah and pigs just might

fly!

 

After the sadness comes the anger, or sometimes it is the other way around, I am

embarrassed to be associated with her, but at the same time there is a part of

me that still yearns for that mothers love, which sadly she is unable to give.

 

Why why why could she not have been my mum?

Why did she put us kids through hell?

Why is she like a child?

Why does she sleep around?

Why does she love drama?

 

I could go on and on, I know the answers to all the above, but I want to start

to be able to just " let go of the hope she will change "

 

I want to let go of my pain, hurt, anger and I want to be me and live and have

fun, I so want to let go.......