Guilt, guilt and more guilt

[Guest guest]

Hey. I haven't posted here in a long time. My mother's never been officially

diagnosed with BPD, but the book Understanding the Borderline Mother really made

a lot of things come together for me, so I'm convinced she has it.

Anyway, I've spent the last 20 years trying to make her happy. I've spent nights

up worrying about her. I've spent thousands of dollars and thousands of hours

taking care of her.

Recently, I hit a wall. I decided I was done. She keeps calling, and mostly I

don't answer the phone. For awhile, I was really happy about my decision and I

felt great.

Now, though, I feel so terribly guilty, and yet I still don't pick up the phone

when she calls. (Thank goodness for caller ID!)

Now, this inner struggle is overtaking my life.

She always manages to con other people into helping her, driving her to

appointments, etc., until she pisses them off and alienates them completely.

She's getting old, and I feel like she's my responsibility, but I just hate her

so much at this point that I can't stand the thought of seeing her or talking to

her ever again.

Anybody else going through this?