Re: New to this group

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

When I was in 6th grade I had this friend . I know she really liked me and

wanted to be my friend, but she always put me down. I think she was afraid of

losing me as a friend. I think she was trying to make herself feel better. I

feel like maybe that's what your mom was doing- trying to make herself feel

better at your expense. While that doesn't scream love, I don't think it means

she didn't love you. BPD's are so twisted in their thinking. Their displays of

" love " often hurt more than anything. I feel bad that you don't feel you deserve

to be loved. You DO. You were mentally abused as a child- that was not your

fault and you didn't deserve it. No child deserves it.

>

> Hi all:

>

> I am new to this group, was referred by somebody who thought this

> might be a good place for me to post. My mother was a borderline -

> she passed away a year and a half ago. I am trying to find some

> understanding of my mother. The biggest problem I have is with my

> self esteem due to the messages she gave me; " you're fat, stupid and

> nobody could love you. " While I can understand her disorder

> intellectually, I have a hard time coming to terms with how somebody

> else could love me if my own mother didn't.

>

> It seems I could find some peace in dealing with this even though my

> mother is gone. I find it interferes with my relationships in life.

> If anyone out there can offer some insight, I would appreciate it.

>

> Thanks,

>

>

[Guest guest]

Welcome! I'm kind of new here too. A couple of months I guess. From what you

said I have no doubt that if you read our posts you will see today that there

tons of people that understand EXACTLY what you have gone through and continue

to go through with or without contact. I have been getting the best warm

fuzzies ever just reading everyones stuff and finally knowing that there are so

many out there are do get it. Be sure to put the abbreviation list that came in

your email when you joined the group in your favorites so you can reference it.

A lot of these people have been at this awhile and the abbreviations can be

confusing at first. Welcome.

>

> Hello,

> I found out 6 years ago that my mother had been diagnosed as BPD. Before I had

a name for it, I just knew my life growing up was chaotic, empty, confusing and

just plain Hell. I never knew what was wrong with my mother, and through my

adolescence I thought the problem was me. I became addicted to drugs and alcohol

by the time I was 14. I had eating disorders, extreme anxiety and panic attacks

from age 12 until I was in my thirty's. The only time things got better for me

was when I got clean and sober, started attending a 12 step group and cut off

ties with my mom. I got healthy for the first time in my life.

> I didn't have contact with her for 6 years until I got a letter from my

mother saying she was dying of cancer. I re-entered into another relationship

with her, thinking I needed to make things OK before she died, which ended up

making me extremely sick all over again. She went on living for the next 5 years

( and is still living). She made it sound as if death was imminent and I got

sucked into her bizarre manipulative, paranoid behavior all over again. I got

involved in her manipulations and craziness to the point where I almost lost my

job, I quit nursing school for a year, I neglected the needs of my own children

all to take care of her.

> A week ago I finally walked away again. I am feeling a lot of guilt about

doing this, but I almost destroyed my life again after working so hard to put it

together in the first place. I am angry that I got manipulated by her again.

> I really wish I could explain to people how it is she ruins me. I wish I could

explain how she makes me feel. No one really seems to understand. Not people who

grew up with normal or even slightly less than normal parents. I am hoping to

find some understanding in this group. It is so difficult to deal with a parent

with BPD.

>