Meeting my estranged fada for the first time in 15 years

July 16, 2010

Anybody have any tips?

I just don't know how to feel right now. My fada is a NPD alcoholic and mostly

abandonded his 3 children around the time I was in Junior high school, a few

years after the divorce.

Recently he's been calling and wanting to meet, I agreed cautiously. Nothing

much has changed, he is still drinking and is 70 years old now. Rumor has it

that he's sick. It makes sense, that would explain the sudden phone calls. I am

no longer angry, hurt, or needing anything from him whatsoever. It is what it is

and I have accepted reality however sad it may be.

Fada is not able to make the 8 hour drive to see his 3 adult children because he

doesn't have a car and has no money to fly/bus. Fada has made two attempts at

coming out here but can't muster it. My bf is driving to my fada's city to see

his own father, and I figured since i'm going anyway I would allow a short visit

with my fada.

To be clear, my fada is decent on the phone, and doesn't behave abusively

towards me, never has other than the abandonment. He's biazarre at some points,

probably a bit brain damaged from all the alcohol abuse by now, but mostly

tolerable. Bf and I will see my father for a lunch in a public restaurant this

weekend.

I guess what i'm asking is has anybody else experienced something similar? If so

how did you handle the mixed emotions? Why do I feel like I can't share the

visit with my nada (I am LC); she and fada were like two rabid dogs towards

eachother, more drama than a 'Dynasty' episode. The hatred that still exists

between them is shockingly hilarious. BPD/NPD dynamics are so lame. Infants,

both of them. Anyway....

Any input here would help a lot, and thanks KO crew

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