Having a hard time...

[Guest guest]

This past week I have been having such an awful time. I have been in tons of

pain and lately I've been having quite a bit of weakness in my legs. The pain

and the weakness (not to mention the ice outside!) in combination has made me

have about 4 falls in the past week. Which that alone is making me hurt even

worse.

I'm even having a lot of trouble even walking with my cane because my legs start

to get weak and start to give out on me when I walk very far. I'm not very sure

whats going on. Plus, my pain medication isn't touching the flare up pain or the

pain from the falls.

I fell for the 4th time yesterday and finally I had, had enough. I couldn't take

the pain. I didn't go to the ER before because usually they wont treat my pain,

but I decided to go in anyway because I was just hurting so terribly and I was

afraid something might be wrong.

I went in and they x-rayed me and made sure everything was fine and sent me on

my way. They wouldn't treat my pain. 1) because I am in a pain contract with my

pain specialist so if they give me medicine I would break that contract and I

would lose my doctor and 2) because my primary doctor told them to not give me

anything. I was sobbing for hours.

At this point I seriously hate my life.

Like I said I'm having a terrible time walking so I called my general

practitioner to see if he could write me a script for me to get a wheel chair to

help me get around and to try and keep me from falling so much. He told me that

I have to call my spine specialist for that. So I did and of course he was out

of the office already. So, I left a message for his nurse and I'm praying he

will come in sometime today (Friday) in between surgeries.

I also called my pain specialist (who strangely has never made an appointment

with me since the first one, but sent me for blood work? hmm) And let him know

what was going on. Well, actually I had to leave a message...again. I'm going to

call back today so hopefully I get an answer. I want to see if he has gotten my

blood work back yet.

Anyway, my Mom, luckily, rented me a wheelchair until I can hopefully get a

script for one. I'm also hoping I can get a handicapped thing for my car.

But of course we have A LOT of stairs at my house so, I can't use the wheelchair

upstairs. Thats okay though because everything in the upstairs is relatively

close. I mostly use it down stairs. Especially in the kitchen because standing

there to make some food or a drink is really painful.

Also, Its helpful for going places that I need to go. Except the fact that I

have to load and unload it myself, but its really not too bad. Pretty painful,

but definitely worth it.

I just feel so pathetic. I'm 21 and having to use a cane and a wheelchair just

because I'm in so much pain. I really do hate my life right now, but I'm holding

on to the thought that this surgery could possibly help and maybe take away at

least 1 part of my pain. Surgery is Feb. 18th.

Anyway, thank you so much for letting me vent. Sorry it turned into a book. Lol.

I'm just very sad, frustrated, and just plain worn out.

And it doesn't help that my therapist told me that it doesn't matter how much

pain I am in that I HAVE to come to group and my appointments or I will lose my

doctor and all my meds.

*sigh* Sometimes it just feels like NO ONE understands. Especially with me being

so young. Thank goodness for you guys!

I love you all. Thanks for being here for me. You all mean a lot to me and I'm

sending you all peaceful and loving thoughts!

I could really use some good thoughts and prayers myself...please?

Thanks. I hope everyone has a great day! =)

Love, peace, and happiness,

-Kayla

[Guest guest]

Kayla,

Your falls should be taken seriously by all of you doctors and needs to be

addressed. Stay persistant with calls to their offices and don't let up. Put a

call in everyday until you get an appointment with one of them.

Lori in Texas

[Guest guest]

I can't remember if you have back issues or not, but whatever is causing this

weakness in your legs needs to be diagnosed. It's good you are young, but it's

no excuse for a doctor to accept that one of his/her patients is falling and in

more pain.

Personally, if my doctor didn't get with me right away when I'm having

additional issues and pain, I wouldn't be giving that doctor my business.

Jennette

>Kayla wrote:

>This past week I have been having such an awful time. I have been in tons of

pain and lately I've been having quite a bit of weakness in my legs. The pain

and the weakness (not to mention the ice outside!) in combination has made me

have about 4 falls in the past week. Which that alone is making me hurt even

worse.

[Guest guest]

Dear Kayla,

We here are praying for your relief. I hope you get some soon.

" Sweet Goat Mama "

CarAlyn Eddy

www.goattracksmagazine.com

[Guest guest]

Kayla -

When you call your doctors to try to get them to pay attention and get in to see

them, don't focus on the pain as the most important problem. Start by telling

them that you are falling repeatedly.

Sad to say, but they tend to ignore pain. But falling is dangerous and they

will be more likely to pay attention to that. You can always address the pain

with them when you're in the appointment and sitting face-to-face with the where

they can't ignore you. The key is to get the appointment first, though.

Hang in there and keep harrassing them until they listen.

Cheryl in AZ

Moderator

[Guest guest]

Kayla, sorry you are having a rough week. I really feel for you being so young

and having to endure such pain. At least my chronic pain did not become

unbearable until I reached 50. That was bad enough. My heart goes out to you.

Please hang in there and of course, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Becky in Illinois

[Guest guest]

Thanks Everyone for all your replies. I got a call back from my spine doctor

today. The doctor said he would write for a wheeled walker, but not a

wheelchair. So I ask why he didn't and she told me because most people aren't

that disabled before surgery. Does that make any sense to you? It doesn't to me!

I guess it's better than nothing though. I can't get the script until Monday

because he is in surgery and she has to have someone sign the script. Which

makes me wonder if she really even talked to him about it at all.

I really don't see him saying something like that, honestly. He is a really good

doctor. I really don't see that. But I really don't know what to do.

I am so at my wits end with all this. I am SO tired of hurting. I know all of

you understand. I don't understand how you guys still have the will to live

because I sure don't. *sigh*

-Kayla

[Guest guest]

Kayla,

At 21 you haven't been around long enough to see that things don't stay the

same very long. They go up and down and are never permanent. But they are

often not fair and almost always a struggle. That's why it seems so hard.

THink of yourself as a warrior woman, fighting pain and doctors and any

other challenges. They cannont defeat you! You can only defeat yourself if

you give up.

If you haven't looked on the web, sign onto chronic babe forum.

www.chronicbabe.com It's for younger women who are in the same boat as you.

Great resource and the moderator is really understanding.

" Sweet Goat Mama "

CarAlyn Eddy

www.goattracksmagazine.com

[Guest guest]

Kayla, Sending lots of huzs your way. I understand how frustrating the system

is. In my experience, crying makes it worse. I was in so much pain during one

appointment to pain management that I was sobbing. I am being treated for my

neck pain. when I tried to explain the pain in my hand to my doctor, he would

not listen. Especially after he saw in my records that I am under treatment for

Bipolar depression. He told me that he could not help and left the room. To

make a long story short, my primary care doctor diagnosised the problem as

carpel tunnel and referred me to a hand specialist.

I have had to take a more active roll in my pain management to get more help.

Do not let yourself fall between the cracks. Keep us posted. Sending postive

thoughts your way. Huzs, Tami

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> This past week I have been having such an awful time. I have been in tons of

pain and

> I

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> -Kayla

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