Re: Are they listening? talking about your pain

[Guest guest]

, peggy oconnor sent:

>

> Are they listening? talking about your pain

>

> Contributed by: Lynette Menefee Pujol, Ph.D.

> Published: July 29, 2008

> Reviewed and approved by: Corsini, MSW, April 2008

>

> As you decide how much communication is best for you, consider the

> effect this has on your treatment, friends and family. There is a

> delicate balance between sharing enough so people will understand, >and

knowing that talking about your pain has a negative effect on

>relationships.

Peggy,

Thanks for this. I find Doctors want you to communicate how THEY understand not

how you do.

So saying " I feel bad all over is really not " all over " , saying my knees, hands,

ankles, neck,

etc hurt.

Saying, this feels like muscle, bone, or skin is also narrowing it down.

This is why I like the Survival Guide for Patients with Intractable pain and the

pain diary.

The pain dairy is made in a format doctors are used to seeing, like nurses

notes.

When you hand the doctor a product (pain dairy or written functional assessment)

he can read it, and also compare it and see what might have changed to make the

pain better or worse.

I believe I got approved for my disability the first time because I had my pain

dairies and was able to describe and write about what I could and could not do

in activities in daily living and had letters from others describing how I had

disintegrated.

This is a good article but most of us just want our pain validated and make sure

we are still have the ability to contribute to the community and home.

It is a process and when someone is in increased pain, they are not going to

take the time to rephrase it correctly. that is what the Doctor is supposed to

do and some do have that ability.

I would never say a person does not have " pain " as their pain is not for me to

rate and a descriptor is much better than just using number system

I had a nurse tell me I can't feel like a ten because that is being dead. I

told her in my mind I would rather be dead than to be having the pain and muscle

spasm I was having.

When my friend had cancer and was recouping, I went in her bed with her, played

cards, brought her lap tray, hugged on her, and made her feel validated.

That is the kind of friend I want, one that will come to me when I can't come to

them.

Oh, and bring ice cream. It just goes back to common sense sometimes and this

group is where we come to vent and no one judges as we understand it is better

to do it here than to burden some people that cannot accept our disabilities.

I remember a counselor saying always preface what you are going to say with " I

am only venting, this is not a fix it problem so you don't dump on someone else "

or " This is a we need to fix it problem. "

Asking someone in moderate to severe pain to rephrase and use active counseling

techniques doesn't seem appropriate as when you are in bad pain, you usually are

agitated and need something to keep you from being that way, and is getting your

pain under control. Sorry, I will get off my soap box with my venting but this

group is my lifesaver for venting as I know each of you understand.

I don't think asking a pain patient to do all this " proper communication "

because you might hurt a relationship, can be used as pain is not predictable

and when I am in pain, my main purpose is

to get out of it no matter what and my husband is not in pain and he can help me

as I do him when he needs me.

Bennie