scared and alone

[Guest guest]

well i have no pm doctor. my family doctor is trying a refer for me i don't

think they will take me. my son had called my dad and told him what is going on

he is close to my dad. he told him pawpaw mommy had been taking her meds right,

i had been helping her so i know she was taking them right.

he is 14 and such a good kid he seen me in withdraws and it broke his heart. i'm

his world he is scared for me right now. i had not been speaking to my parents

because of a disagreement. my dad came and talked to me and told me what my son

told him and he told me he knew that i was not lying about my meds.

i went thew a bad time went threw a separation 5 years ago and got with a guy

who was bad for me he was an addict. now i look back he was wanting my meds not

me but my husband came back into my life and i try to put that part somewhere in

my past and not talk about it. but i do realize after being on pain meds for

about 10 years even tho i do take them right i am addicted, but not for the high

but to stop the pain. the fear of what kind of pain i will be in is scaring me

to death i can not sleep it is 3:06 am here i live on the eastern time zone.

i have been praying. have any of you out there been in any type of setting where

they work with your chronic pain and adjust your meds to see if you can take

less meds than you take now and handle the pain. if there is a thing like that i

think i would go there to get thru not having a dr maybe they could find one for

me and help me cope to not having one. I'm hurting so bad this morning but i'm

afraid to take anything for it. i don't want to get grouchy with my family

especially my son. i know he needs me teenage years are hard enough without him

having to worry about his mom been in so much pain. and by him talking to my dad

and mom he is worrying about me .

i worry that if i go in the hospital my husband will leave me, but he says he is

not going too. i guess where we was separated for two years and i'll always have

that thought in my mind. i hope i am strong enough to handle this. my pain right

now is a good strong 9. no way i can sleep .

if any of you out there in pain land has been here please let me know how things

worked for you. i think i will go toss and turn a while maybe ill go to get some

sleep before time to get my son up. please keep my family in your prayers .