Getting Better. but still think I`m frightened of everythng!

March 13, 2010

Someday in my years to come I am going to learn how you all delete part of the

post so that you can answer them. Haven`t found the smarts yet, but I know they

are in there.

Tami, I have lost so many pets in my life time, always grieved them, and always

ended replacing them. I know for sure Mischeif will not get replaced. I`m to old

now to want to buy another horse and take on added problems..but yes, you are so

right about the love we share with out pets.

I think the reason this hit me so hard, is that it happened at my daughters

house, and she had to deal with finding him alone. It`s like how much more can

she take before she breaks. I worry more about her I think than she worries

about herself. But I feel she will crash soon. I know now and I am trying to not

stress out over her so much, but it`s a hard lesson.

Pump or no pump, today was just a day I couldn`t make myself want to face

anyone,much less talk to people. I slept over 2 hours today.When hubby took his

nap, I went with him. I think I needed it. Or was I hiding again. Then we

watched movies the res of the afternoon. It`s amazing that I can sit and watch a

movie or feel good enough to take a nap, and I see this as a gift God has given

me. So why am I not enjoying what I was given.

For those that have posted that you feel all alone. I know that horrible feeling

all to well, but I also know I bring it on myself by my fears. Sometimes I think

I`m afraid that the pump will quit working all of a sudden and I will feel all

the horbble pain again. Feeling alone is such an empty feeling. I guess maybe we

all need to reach out to others and do things that may bring more people into

ourlives if we are able. Or is a sort of like a stigma that makes us feel, we

aren`t like others so we shouldn`t bother them. Gosh wouldn`t it be great if

someone could figure out our heads. I don`t even know if my counselor can tell

me wht is going on in my head. I sure can`t.

I`m sending hugs to everyone, and wishes for less pain. Thanks so much for

hanging in here with me. Without you now, I wouldn`t know where to send my

sorrows, where I know they would be understood. Where when I say I`m hurting, I

don`t get the answer, Well I thought the pump would fix all that. Nothing can

fix it all.

Blessings to all, R.

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