Doing fine, just a big case of nerves!

[Guest guest]

Bennie, I have to tell you, I am ready to start walking your way. Keeping you up

to date on my life with the pump, I have to say, so far its` all doing good.

Just have to tell everyone what I have noticed different in my life. For longer

than a year, I hadn`t made a pot of coffee or gotten myself a cup of coffee

because I could not lift the pot in the morning. I was just shaking with too

much pain. Now I make coffee and actualy serve my hubby for a change.

Yesterday I actually did a grocery shopping tour at Aldi`s. Something I haven`t

done in a year or more. I did the whole store and then actually walked the cart

back from the parking lot. I refused to let my hubby park in a handicaped space.

Once we got home, I put the groceries away, and went outside to clean out the

inside of our van. My hubby used it to haul hay after our truck was stolen. Came

in the house and fixed pizza for supper. Still doing okay. For me this was an

accomplishment that is unbelievable. I actually feel fine this morning. I

wonder, is this what nearly normal is like. It`s a really weird feeling for me.

My problem is, I still freeze up with worry. Will something go wrong with the

pump? If I leave home for awhile, will one of my kids have a crisis and I won`t

be around for them, If I spend a couple of dollars on myself, will I cause us to

go broke? Man, I`m telling you, if there is nothing to worry about, I will find

something, that`s for sure. I`m scared to leave my yard, or sometimes even go

outside.

I have a counselor, and I know he is right, but I still can`t shut my brain down

to a low level. Tomorrow I want to make an appointment with my pcd, and see if

he has something that will help me to relax before I end up in a loony bin. Then

how can I be here for the kids.I am trying to get help with this matter,somehow

I feel even my prayers don`t work at all. Am I praying wrong.

Anyway I have went on way to long,I`m sorry about this. Can`t blame anyone if

this doesn`t get posted, but I guess I just needed to pour it out.

Thanks everyone for listening. Where would we go with this if we didn`t have

each other. R.