This Is A Letter To Normals From Someone In Chronic Pain......

[Guest guest]

I found this letter in the internet a while ago and copy it and gave some copies

to my friends and my family members because the letter convery every single

message that I wanted to tell them, but couldn't. I hope that you read this

letter and that you copy it for your love ones to understand you a little bit

better. You can substitute about any illness for the chronic pain and make it

work for you. It helped me bunches, I pray that it will help some of you.

Millie

A Letter to Normals from a Person With Chronic Pain

Having chronic pain means many things change, and a lot of them are

invisible. Unlike having cancer or being hurt in an accident, most

people do not understand even a little about chronic pain and its

effects, and of those that think they know, many are actually

misinformed.

In the spirit of informing those who wish to understand:

These are the things that I would like you to understand about me

before you judge me.

Please understand that being sick doesn't mean I'm not still a human

being. I have to spend most of my day in considerable pain and

exhaustion, and if you visit, sometimes I probably don't seem like

much fun to be with, but I'm still me, stuck inside this body. I

still worry about work, my family, my friends, and most of the time,

I'd still like to hear you talk about yours, too.

Please understand the difference between " happy " and " healthy " . When

you've got the flu, you probably feel miserable with it, but I've

been sick for years. I can't be miserable all the time. In fact, I

work hard at not being miserable. So, if you're talking to me and I

sound happy, it means I'm happy. that's all. It doesn't mean that

I'm not in a lot of pain, or extremely tired, or that I'm getting

better, or any of those things. Please don't say, " Oh, you're

sounding better! " or " But you look so healthy! " I am merely coping.

I am sounding happy and trying to look normal. If you want to

comment on that, you're welcome.

Please understand that being able to stand up for ten minutes

doesn't necessarily mean that I can stand up for twenty minutes, or

an hour. Just because I managed to stand up for thirty minutes

yesterday doesn't mean that I can do the same today. With a lot of

diseases you're either paralyzed, or you can move. With this one, it

gets more confusing everyday. It can be like a yo-yo. I never know

from day to day, how I am going to feel when I wake up. In most

cases, I never know from minute to minute. That is one of the

hardest and most frustrating components of chronic pain.

Please repeat the above paragraph

substituting, " sitting " , " walking " , " thinking " , " concentrating " , " bei

ng sociable " and so on, it applies to everything. That's what

chronic pain does to you.

Please understand that chronic pain is variable. It's quite possible

(for many, it's common) that one day I am able to walk to the park

and back, while the next day I'll have trouble getting to the next

room. Please don't attack me when I'm ill by saying, " But you did it

before! " or " Oh, come on, I know you can do this! " If you want me to

do something, then ask if I can. In a similar vein, I may need to

cancel a previous commitment at the last minute. If this happens,

please do not take it personally. If you are able, please try to

always remember how very lucky you are, to be physically able to do

all of the things that you can do.

Please understand that " getting out and doing things " does not make

me feel better, and can often make me seriously worse. You don't

know what I go through or how I suffer in my own private time.

Telling me that I need to exercise, or do some things to " get my

mind off of it " , may frustrate me to tears, and is not correct. if I

was capable of doing some things any or all of the time, don't you

know that I would? I am working with my doctors and I am doing what

I am supposed to do. Another statement that hurts is, " You just need

to push yourself more, try harder " . Obviously, chronic pain can deal

with the whole body, or be localized to specific areas. Sometimes

participating in a single activity for a short or a long period of

time can cause more damage and physical pain than you could ever

imagine. Not to mention the recovery time, which can be intense. You

can't always read it on my face or in my body language. Also,

chronic pain may cause secondary depression (wouldn't you get

depressed and down if you were hurting constantly for months or

years?), but it is not created by depression.

Please understand that if I say I have to sit down,lie down, stay in

bed, or take these pills now, that probably means that I do have to

do it right now, it can't be put off or forgotten just because I'm

somewhere, or I'm right in the middle of doing something. Chronic

pain does not forgive, nor does it wait for anyone.

If you want to suggest a cure to me, please don't. It's not because

I don't appreciate the thought, and it's not because I don't want to

get well. Lord knows that isn't true. In all likelihood, if you've

heard of it or tried it, so have I. In some cases, I have been made

sicker, not better. This can involve side effects or allergic

reactions, as is the case with herbal remedies. It also includes

failure, which in and of itself can make me feel even lower. If

there were something that cured, or even helped people with my form

of chronic pain, then we'd know about it. There is worldwide

networking (both on and off the Internet) between people with

chronic pain. If something worked, we would KNOW. It's definitely

not for lack of trying. If, after reading this, you still feel the

need to suggest a cure, then so be it. I may take what you said and

discuss it with my doctor.

If I seem touchy, it's probably because I am. It's not how I try to

be. As a matter of fact, I try very hard to be normal. I hope you

will try to understand. I have been, and am still, going through a

lot. Chronic pain is hard for you to understand unless you have had

it. It wreaks havoc on the body and the mind. It is exhausting and

exasperating. Almost all the time, I know that I am doing my best to

cope with this, and live my life to the best of my ability. I ask

you to bear with me, and accept me as I am. I know that you cannot

literally understand my situation unless you have been in my shoes,

but as much as is possible, I am asking you to try to be

understanding in general.

In many ways I depend on you, people who are not sick. I need you to

visit me when I am too sick to go out. Sometimes I need you help me

with the shopping, the cooking or the cleaning. I may need you to

take me to the doctor, or to the store. You are my link to

the " normalcy " of life. You can help me to keep in touch with the

parts of life that I miss and fully intend to undertake again, just

as soon as I am able.

I know that I asked a lot from you, and I do thank you for

listening. It really does mean a lot.