How to Know When I Am in Pain

[Guest guest]

I have a friend who has fibro, and she has really taught me a lot about how to

know when I am in pain. Since, I have become a real pro at compensating and

hiding my pain, it's not always easy to reach out or tell others what is going

on, especially when I even disguise it from myself.

Anyhow, this is what she has identified as my tell-tales:

1. When I start losing track of my words, and I start babbling random thoughts

or jumping from one thought to another in conversation. She'll say something

like " Is it time for your meds? Are you in pain? " And, sure enough, I'm

hurting.

2. When I start to cut her off during conversation. I am a great listener, and

I always like to know the details of things before commenting. So, when I start

cutting her off, and trying to respond before she finishes, she knows that I am

not feeling well and my patience is low.

3. When I start getting antsy; like in lines or in traffic. I know everyone

gets impatient, but standing for long periods causes my hip pain, and driving

makes me stiff so I'm usually in a hurry to get out of the cramped car. So,

when I'm talking to her on my cell phone while in a line or driving. She'll say

something like, " Must be a long line, huh? "

Bottom line here, and most importantly is, she makes me laugh. Really looking

at me, is actually kind of funny.

What I learned is that I don't even recognize my high pain anymore, it's just a

part of who I am. So, here I am, babbling blah blah, cutting people off in

conversation and griping about lines, and traffic. But, in reality, I am just

expressing my pain in the only way I have learned that is 'socially acceptable.'

What I mean by socially acceptable is, sadly, if I walked around saying, " Ouch,

bad pain day, what to do, my meds are not working, help me please! " Well,

basically, either people run, or they say I'm over-reacting, or they think I'm

wanting attention or all kinds of other ridiculous things. Why? Because they

do not experience the daily level of pain that I do. They think if I did

such-and-such yesterday, then why can't I just do it today?

So, I am so thankful to my good friend, who knows me well enough to point out

the truth at the risk of sometimes hurting my feelings because I really do think

I'm coping well.

But, through her, I have learned to better realize when I am compensating for my

high pain level, and then I can adjust myself accordingly. Sometimes I am not

sure what accordingly is, but I know what it isn't. And, it sure isn't

continuing with my irritating behavior, which in the end distances others and

causes me frustration.

She says, and I believe she is right to a certain degree, that I need to start

honoring my pain for what it is, and taking a deep breath, and trying to relax

through it, and stop fighting it trying to compensate for it. I have already

posted on the things I do for relaxation and distraction. I guess I need to go

to that list when I am in pain, and not keep trying to keep-on-keeping-on.

And, in the end, If it hurts I should just stop trying so hard to pretend that

it doesn't, because I am only fooling myself. They don't know I'm in pain, but

they know I'm not acting properly. I need to people see it for what it is. Use

my cane more often. Call in sick at work. Just pull over in traffic and get

out and pace if I have to. And, lastly, stop worrying about my to do list, ha

ha that never really gets done anyway.

Jade

[Guest guest]

Moderator's note:

Jade's experience, and advice is so excellent, I kept it intact.

Jade,

All I have to say is Amen to that.

Jennette

Jennette

>Jade wrote:

I have a friend who has fibro, and she has really taught me a lot about how to

know when I am in pain. Since, I have become a real pro at compensating and

hiding my pain, it's not always easy to reach out or tell others what is going

on, especially when I even disguise it from myself.

Anyhow, this is what she has identified as my tell-tales:

1. When I start losing track of my words, and I start babbling random thoughts

or jumping from one thought to another in conversation. She'll say something

like " Is it time for your meds? Are you in pain? " And, sure enough, I'm

hurting.

2. When I start to cut her off during conversation. I am a great listener, and

I always like to know the details of things before commenting. So, when I start

cutting her off, and trying to respond before she finishes, she knows that I am

not feeling well and my patience is low.

3. When I start getting antsy; like in lines or in traffic. I know everyone

gets impatient, but standing for long periods causes my hip pain, and driving

makes me stiff so I'm usually in a hurry to get out of the cramped car. So,

when I'm talking to her on my cell phone while in a line or driving. She'll say

something like, " Must be a long line, huh? "

Bottom line here, and most importantly is, she makes me laugh. Really looking

at me, is actually kind of funny.

What I learned is that I don't even recognize my high pain anymore, it's just a

part of who I am. So, here I am, babbling blah blah, cutting people off in

conversation and griping about lines, and traffic. But, in reality, I am just

expressing my pain in the only way I have learned that is 'socially acceptable.'

What I mean by socially acceptable is, sadly, if I walked around saying, " Ouch,

bad pain day, what to do, my meds are not working, help me please! " Well,

basically, either people run, or they say I'm over-reacting, or they think I'm

wanting attention or all kinds of other ridiculous things. Why? Because they

do not experience the daily level of pain that I do. They think if I did

such-and-such yesterday, then why can't I just do it today?

So, I am so thankful to my good friend, who knows me well enough to point out

the truth at the risk of sometimes hurting my feelings because I really do think

I'm coping well.

But, through her, I have learned to better realize when I am compensating for my

high pain level, and then I can adjust myself accordingly. Sometimes I am not

sure what accordingly is, but I know what it isn't. And, it sure isn't

continuing with my irritating behavior, which in the end distances others and

causes me frustration.

She says, and I believe she is right to a certain degree, that I need to start

honoring my pain for what it is, and taking a deep breath, and trying to relax

through it, and stop fighting it trying to compensate for it. I have already

posted on the things I do for relaxation and distraction. I guess I need to go

to that list when I am in pain, and not keep trying to keep-on-keeping-on.

And, in the end, If it hurts I should just stop trying so hard to pretend that

it doesn't, because I am only fooling myself. They don't know I'm in pain, but

they know I'm not acting properly. I need to people see it for what it is. Use

my cane more often. Call in sick at work. Just pull over in traffic and get

out and pace if I have to. And, lastly, stop worrying about my to do list, ha

ha that never really gets done anyway.

[Guest guest]

Thank you.

>

Since, I have become a real pro at compensating and hiding my pain, it's not

always easy to reach out or tell others what is going on, especially when I even

disguise it from myself.

>