Re: The Future

[Guest guest]

> So, what do you all think? Where do you see your kids in 10 years?

in 20? Should I just tell her to focus on the goals for this school

year? Am I doing a diservice by Not thinking about his future?

>

This has been a very difficult issue for my husband and I to talk

about. He spent the first 8 years of 's life with his head in

the sand. He's just now starting to accept how permanent her

condition is.

Where do I see ? I see being able to work a job with some

assistance. She would be able to do repetative tasks without a lot of

difficulty. Hopefully, she will be able to read at least on a first

or second grade level. She's making progress, I might even dare to

dream the she'll make it to a 3rd grade level.

In 10- 20 years, I hope to see her in a minimal assisted living

environment. She should be able to take care of herself for the most

part, but she'll never be able to handle her finances. (I have

problems with that some days!) However, as she will probably never

drive, she's going to have to consider moving to a more urban area in

order to find the services she'll need to live on her own. She wants

to be independent so I see this as a very real possibility. Which is

very hard for me because I live in a very rural area and I won't be

able to be close to her.

has very definite plans for herself. She wants to get married

and have children of her own. She's obsessed about this for 3 years

now. How can this child who can't take care of herself ever take care

of a baby? She can't. How far do I take steps to prevent her from

having a baby?

I understand about not wanting to think about the future, Tuna. Right

now I'm trying to hide from the reality of puberty! Argh!

Oh, question ladies, what does NT stand for? I understand it refers

to " normal " functioning individuals. (whatever " Normal " truly is) but

I don't know what the initials are for.

Tina

[Guest guest]

> 's too young to firm up your goals for the long term.. Too

much can happen between now and next week, let alone 20 years.

>

> JMHO,

>

Very good advice. A lot can happen in a day, a week a year with an

autistic child. Especially when they're very young.

Tina

[Guest guest]

> 'neurologically typical'

>

> WE don't know what normal is either!

Thanks. )

I don't know what normal is either and actually would have been

insulted to have someone call me normal when I was a child. ;o)

I've always known that I don't fit into society so it really doesn't

surprise me that my kids don't either...well...with the exception of

my 9yr. old NT daughter who is driving me insane with her need to fit

in and wear the most current fashions. Poor child. She's in the wrong

family. ;o)

Tina

[Guest guest]

In 10 yrs Greggory will be 16 and I hope he will be doing well in

HS. I think he has the potenial to do well if we can keep him going

on the right track. I hope that he has some friends and still plays

sports. I hope that he might have a girlfriend if not a girl who

likes him well enough. Maybe even go to a dance.

In 10 yrs Alec will be 14(OMG!)I hope he will be mostly in regular

classes with assistance. I hope he is communicating well andis not so

aggressive. I hope that we have a handle on his BP. I hope that maybe

he might have a friend. I hope that he wants to have a friend. I want

him to be still at home with us.

I think we should all try and get a general idea of what our

children will be doing in the future. I think it is a good idea to

plan for these things. I dont think we should dwell on them though. I

sometimes have no idea how to help my children get to where I want

them to go. Not thinking about the future wont make the future go

away but maybe this isnt the time to plan for it. I think you are

doing a fine job and that maybe you could take this year to prepare

yourself for planning for 's future. It wont hurt to wait

another yr.

Jacquie H

> Most of you know that I try very hard NOT to think about the

future. I concentrate on the here and now and try to do my best for

every day. If I think about the future, I'm afraid I'll freak

myself out over all the negative possibilities. Well, 's

teacher wants to meet with Doug and I next week to discuss our goals

for him. What do we ultimatley want for ? Where do we see

in 10 years? I don't know what I'll tell her.

>

> So, what do you all think? Where do you see your kids in 10 years?

in 20? Should I just tell her to focus on the goals for this school

year? Am I doing a diservice by Not thinking about his future?

>

> Tuna

>

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>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Tuna ,I too try not to think of what the future holds for our Andy.Only last

night ,Lyndsey asked me if she would have to not be a vet when she grows up

because if something happens to me or dh she will take care of Andy :-(

I think in all honesty I have to live for the here and now. What we plan NOW is

what is going to shape his future (what I mean is plan educationally now).

It's hard one to answer. In 10 to 20 years time ,we want our kids to be

independent ,and have jobs etc but we have to lay the foundations now. Our kids

need so much more than academics ,they need to learn life skills too.

I'm probably rambling now and I've probably not helped much either.

Ali

More Tuna wrote:

Most of you know that I try very hard NOT to think about the future. I

concentrate on the here and now and try to do my best for every day. If

I think about the future, I'm afraid I'll freak myself out over all the negative

possibilities. Well, 's teacher wants to meet with Doug and I next week

to discuss our goals for him. What do we ultimatley want for ? Where do

we see in 10 years? I don't know what I'll tell her.

So, what do you all think? Where do you see your kids in 10 years? in 20?

Should I just tell her to focus on the goals for this school year? Am I doing

a diservice by Not thinking about his future?

Tuna

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[Guest guest]

> So, what do you all think? Where do you see your kids in 10 years? in 20?

Should I just tell her to focus on the goals for this school year? Am I

doing a diservice by Not thinking about his future?

>

Where do I see in 10 years? 20? i see him maybe living on his own.

Or maybe in an assisted living complex. Or maybe in a sheltered living

arrangement. I see him holding a job on his own. Having a job shadow.

Unable to work outside the sheltered living space, and working in a co-op

there. I see him married. Single with girlfriend. Single with boyfriend.

Single. I see him with friends. With no friends. I see him independant.

I see him living with us until we die.

If I were you, I'd stick to the immediate goals. I mean, let her know

you're always focussed on the most optomistic outcome, but are always

prepared to work with whatever comes and work with it to its fullest.

I don't think you're doing a disservice. I think you are accepting

the fact that he is full of all sorts of potential that has to be revealed

IN HIS OWN TIME, not yours.

It would be a disservice to him if you were pursuing a goal of assisted

living and job shadowing and he had potential to be independant that was

never realized; it would be a disservice if you were pursuing a goal of

independance and he was giving you signs that he needed assistance.

's too young to firm up your goals for the long term.. Too much can

happen between now and next week, let alone 20 years.

JMHO,

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> Oh, question ladies, what does NT stand for? I understand it refers

> to " normal " functioning individuals. (whatever " Normal " truly is) but

> I don't know what the initials are for.

>

> Tina

'neurologically typical'

WE don't know what normal is either!

[Guest guest]

> 's too young to firm up your goals for the long term.. Too much can

happen between now and next week, let alone 20 years. <

i agree 1000%

" Something important to remember...we'll always be who we are. " - Mr.

[Guest guest]

Tuna, I don't think your doing a diservice by not thinking

that far into the future. There is no way for you to know how much

progress he will make each year, or if he will regress. Personally I

think the most important is the short term future, and yet even more

important what you can do to help him now. As far as what to say to

the teacher, I really don't know, follow your gut, you'll know what

to say.

Tina W

[Guest guest]

Tuna, I don't think your doing a diservice by not thinking

that far into the future. There is no way for you to know how much

progress he will make each year, or if he will regress. Personally I

think the most important is the short term future, and yet even more

important what you can do to help him now. As far as what to say to

the teacher, I really don't know, follow your gut, you'll know what

to say.

Tina W

[Guest guest]

>>>>>>

As far as what to say to the teacher, I really don't know, follow your gut,

you'll know what to say.

Tina W

>>>>>>>>>>

Thanks Tina, Tina, , Jacquie, Jacquie, Ali and everyone else who replied. I

don't know what I'll tell her, but I'm thinking that focusing on helping him be

more independent is a good start. I'm going to have to mull this over for

awhile. I'm sure glad I have all of you to help me sort it all out.

Tuna

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[Guest guest]

>

> So, what do you all think? Where do you see your kids in 10 years?

in 20? Should I just tell her to focus on the goals for this school

year? Am I doing a diservice by Not thinking about his future?

>

> Tuna

Most of us are trying hard to get thru our day to day... week to

week ...month to month. I personally think its very difficult to plan

for life, things change so easily. How can you plan for 10 years from

now when you don't know what his skills will be next month? I would

tell her yes you are very concerned about his future, but to focus on

his everyday and his future will ultimately be bright.

My abstract plan:

Provide the best educational and home enviroment possible for my

children.

Give them uncondtional love and undertanding.

Teach them basic right from wrong.

Hope like hell that they are able to function in the outside world

successfully.... IF NOT Give them as much independence as possible so

they can live with dignity and be proud of themselves.

You love him.... want the best for him and I can tell from everything

you post you will do everything in your power like the rest of us ,

to give them the world. :) Smile you are doing a great job!!

Amy mom to

Noah 6 autism

Lucas almost 8 adhd hfa

[Guest guest]

>

>So, what do you all think? Where do you see your kids in 10 years? in 20?

>Should I just tell her to focus on the goals for this school year? Am I

>doing a diservice by Not thinking about his future?

I think everyone is right in that it is too early to think about the future.

How could you possibly even guess? I certainly have no idea. I know what

I hope for, and I try hard to work towards those things, but they are not

strict " goals. " I want to be realistic too, you know?

Amy H--in Michigan

Kepler 5 ASD and Bethany 6 1/2 NT

" Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty. " ~ Jefferson

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[Guest guest]

Wow Tuna!

My VERY first thought on this was.....

" tell her to focus on the goals for this school year " .

No one can tell the future. And I'm sorry but, if you start thinking about

what you want for him 10 years from now, you are going to get a big fat slap

right upside the head.

In 10 por 20 years, is going to be the person he was meant to be. You

won't be able to force that. What you can work on is the here and now.

It's doable, it's manageable.

What on earth prompted 's teacher to want to talk about this?

Penny

The Future

Most of you know that I try very hard NOT to think about the future. I

concentrate on the here and now and try to do my best for every day.

If I think about the future, I'm afraid I'll freak myself out over all the

negative possibilities. Well, 's teacher wants to meet with Doug and

I next week to discuss our goals for him. What do we ultimatley want for

? Where do we see in 10 years? I don't know what I'll tell

her.

So, what do you all think? Where do you see your kids in 10 years? in 20?

Should I just tell her to focus on the goals for this school year? Am I

doing a diservice by Not thinking about his future?

Tuna

[Guest guest]

Tuna, I think the same way you do. I'm worried about getting through TODAY,

much less 1 year or TEN years from now. I'd be honest, and tell her that you are

more worried about now than Tomorrows.

" It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous

that you realize just how much you love them. "

- Agatha Christie

, frazzled mom to:

, PDD-NOS, ADHD, Mixed Expressive/Receptive Language Disorder, 4

, NT, Terrible Twos, but adorable none-the-less, 2

The Future

Most of you know that I try very hard NOT to think about the future. I

concentrate on the here and now and try to do my best for every day. If

I think about the future, I'm afraid I'll freak myself out over all the negative

possibilities. Well, 's teacher wants to meet with Doug and I next week

to discuss our goals for him. What do we ultimatley want for ? Where do

we see in 10 years? I don't know what I'll tell her.

So, what do you all think? Where do you see your kids in 10 years? in 20?

Should I just tell her to focus on the goals for this school year? Am I doing

a diservice by Not thinking about his future?

Tuna

********Get more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download :

http://explorer.msn.com

[Guest guest]

NT = Neuro Typical or Neurologically Typical. It's a better way of describing

what most people call " normal " , meaning a child who is developing in a way

consistent with the charts in your pediatrician's office.

That help?

" It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous

that you realize just how much you love them. "

- Agatha Christie

, frazzled mom to:

, PDD-NOS, ADHD, Mixed Expressive/Receptive Language Disorder, 4

, NT, Terrible Twos, but adorable none-the-less, 2

Re: The Future

> So, what do you all think? Where do you see your kids in 10 years?

in 20? Should I just tell her to focus on the goals for this school

year? Am I doing a diservice by Not thinking about his future?

>

This has been a very difficult issue for my husband and I to talk

about. He spent the first 8 years of 's life with his head in

the sand. He's just now starting to accept how permanent her

condition is.

Where do I see ? I see being able to work a job with some

assistance. She would be able to do repetative tasks without a lot of

difficulty. Hopefully, she will be able to read at least on a first

or second grade level. She's making progress, I might even dare to

dream the she'll make it to a 3rd grade level.

In 10- 20 years, I hope to see her in a minimal assisted living

environment. She should be able to take care of herself for the most

part, but she'll never be able to handle her finances. (I have

problems with that some days!) However, as she will probably never

drive, she's going to have to consider moving to a more urban area in

order to find the services she'll need to live on her own. She wants

to be independent so I see this as a very real possibility. Which is

very hard for me because I live in a very rural area and I won't be

able to be close to her.

has very definite plans for herself. She wants to get married

and have children of her own. She's obsessed about this for 3 years

now. How can this child who can't take care of herself ever take care

of a baby? She can't. How far do I take steps to prevent her from

having a baby?

I understand about not wanting to think about the future, Tuna. Right

now I'm trying to hide from the reality of puberty! Argh!

Oh, question ladies, what does NT stand for? I understand it refers

to " normal " functioning individuals. (whatever " Normal " truly is) but

I don't know what the initials are for.

Tina

[Guest guest]

> NT = Neuro Typical or Neurologically Typical. It's a better way of

describing what most people call " normal " , meaning a child who is

developing in a way consistent with the charts in your pediatrician's

office.

>

> That help?

Kind of...sort of... Thanks. )

I'm still not sure 'What' to call my son. In a lot of ways he is NT,

but then again, he has some learning delays that may or may not be

caused by all the seizures he had from 7 mos to 5 years. He spend a

lot of time unconscious or so doped on the meds that he couldn't walk

a straight line much less concentrate. So is he " normal " ? or would he

be if it weren't for the seizures? I don't know.

Tina

[Guest guest]

Jacquie -

The reason why I wont do this again is because the first time around it was

a miserable failure (for me)

My son didn't do ANY of the things I thought he would do.

>>>>>>>

I think we should all try and get a general idea of what our

children will be doing in the future. I think it is a good idea to

plan for these things. I dont think we should dwell on them though. I

sometimes have no idea how to help my children get to where I want

them to go.

<<<<<<<<<

Penny :-D

[Guest guest]

>>>I'm still not sure 'What' to call my son. In a lot of ways he is NT,

but then again, he has some learning delays...<<<

Tina, I'd just call him your son, and love him!!!

" It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous

that you realize just how much you love them. "

- Agatha Christie

, frazzled mom to:

, PDD-NOS, ADHD, Mixed Expressive/Receptive Language Disorder, 4

, NT, Terrible Twos, but adorable none-the-less, 2

[Guest guest]

> >>>I'm still not sure 'What' to call my son. In a lot of ways he is

NT,

> but then again, he has some learning delays...<<<

>

> Tina, I'd just call him your son, and love him!!!

>

Oh believe me I do. ) He's a major momma's boy but he's starting to

outgrow that a bit. I know he needs to, but I'm really going to miss

all the snuggling and hugs. What am I saying? I'm missing it already!

Tina

[Guest guest]

Tina,

Just tell him he needs to save the hugs and snuggling for at home! I don't

remember the age of your son, but if he's too old for public displays, you

can always point out that the big boys don't do this in public?

Sue, who still gets hugs from (12) and snuggles from (9)

[Guest guest]

> Tina,

> Just tell him he needs to save the hugs and snuggling for at home!

I don't remember the age of your son, but if he's too old for public

displays, you can always point out that the big boys don't do this in

public?

> Sue, who still gets hugs from (12) and snuggles from

(9)

He'll be 7 in Oct. I still get hugs and snuggles, just nowhere near

as many. He is sitting on my lap looking at a catalog of costumes

right now. I'll have to remind him that his father still hugs his

mother when he stops giving me hugs in public. He wants to be " cool "

so I know that day's coming. It's just coming sooner than I want.

Tina

[Guest guest]

Tina,

I missunderstood your original post. I thought you were the one who wanted

to curtail the public hugs. He's got years before you would have to worry

about that. Maybe you could let him know that his friends do still hug

their parents in public, maybe he's just not seeing it?

Sue

[Guest guest]

> Tina,

> I missunderstood your original post. I thought you were the one

who wanted to curtail the public hugs. He's got years before you

would have to worry about that. Maybe you could let him know that

his friends do still hug their parents in public, maybe he's just not

seeing it?

> Sue

No, I don't want to curtail public hugs, but I would like to see him

a little more independant and less clingy. He gets very upset when I

go anywhere or even step into another room or outside and he thinks

I've left. He's never left alone and he's very close to his father

too, but he's a super clingy momma's boy some days. The hugs by

themselves don't concern me, but he is delayed in his emotional

maturity. He wants to have friends and be " cool " (his words) and

hanging on me isn't impressing the other 1st graders. He doesn't want

to be any different from them.

Tina

[Guest guest]

Bennie.. Thank you for this information.  Can I file for disability without

having any diagnonis?  I will go to the site you referred.  I read  many

postings with this group and I see you have great knowledge and care for

everyone.  Thanks so much!!  I have started a pain journal since i learned of it

from this group. Will talk with you ALL soon.  Take Care of yourselves.  Connie