Don`t know where else to turn right now!

[Guest guest]

I am in so much pain in my spine and muscles right now I don`t

know what to do with myself. I`ve tried laying down to relax, but the

pain won`t let me.

I don`t want to call anyone because I don`t want to hear them say, O I

wish I could help. I know they would, but they can`t. Only I can handle this and

I`m not doing a good job of it.

My thoughts keep going to what would have been so bad about dying

during the cancer surgery. I wouldn`t have had to come back to this

life of pain. People could have said I was in a better place. But I

know we all have to hang in there. I know we all suffer.

My daughter was out for a bit tonight and she is hurting so bad from being

thrown from my old 34 year old horse. I feel for her and don`t want her to have

to live a life like this. I can`t even help her.

I keep here everyone telling me to try and rest and relax, ya, like you all know

, that comes easy, and I know I can`t take any more pills tonight.

I already took my four hydrocodone a day I`m perscribe throught the day, don`t

think that`s enough to hurt me. I took and extended releif morphine and all it`s

doing is eating my gut.

I know so much of it is from sitting over my laptop trying to

figure out how to pay the bills at our store, and I`m all tensed up.

If I could fall asleep maybe it would go away a bit.

I guess I`ll go try again, I`ve got the chills from something right now. It`s

just one of those nights when I wonder why, and have to fight to stay away from

those pill bottles, going to the ER will get me no where.

My family needs me now, and the ER Doc would just look at me with a

dumb look anyway. So you want more drugs huh! Like I really want

them, none of us really want them. We want a normal life.

Thanks for giving me a place where I can come to rant and rave and I`m

understood. Maybe getting it out will keep me from crying like a baby when my

hubby comes home at 9.

Got to try the bed again.

R.