I wish I could spread my pain free times.

May 11, 2010

I haven`t posted in a long time, but I have been reading the post everyday.

There seem to be so many new people joining, which is a good thing that they

have found this site, but it is a depressing thing to know that so many of you

are suffering in this world called pain.

I had a Medtronic Pain Pump implanted in Jan of this year, I thought I would

mention this for the new comers. This pump has made a blurr of the days I use

to lay in my bed all night, or walk the floors wondering if I should end it.

It has made it possible for me to sit at the computer in the morning and

actually read what I want to, or even type. Before this the pain was to great to

even want to turn on my computer in the morning. I could not sleep at night, nor

make a pot of coffee in the morning, since I couldn`t lift it. Now all these

things feel normal.

I even went to a wedding Saturday, and ended up doing the Hokey Pokey. Stayed

out as late as 11, and came home feeling just fine. I have to admit that

sometimes feeling nearly normal, can be even scarier than when I was so ill.

It`s like I`m someone different now, and I need to watch myself closely so I

don`t overdo. I harbor the fear that the pain will come back full force, or that

I will run into problems with the pump. Shame on me for worrying about the

future whe today is my only promise.

There are days, especialy rainy days, that I hurt horribly,those are the days I

know I just have to go with the flow. I get to take a few vicodin to get me

through it. Otherwise my experience so far has been a totaly new one for me

after 30 years, and I so wish there was some way I good share just a few of my

good days with all of you. I know I will never be pain free, but gee, I can

drive my own car most of the time,and I`m not wishing to end it all. I totaly

that God for this. Now if I can learn to fight some of this depression, I will

be on a roll. I worry to much over nothing.

I wish you all as many pain free days as you can have, and keep you in my

thoughts always.Living the life we have lived and still being able to care for

others is one of the qualities that I think people like us have, as those who

have not been in pain can not fully understand what people like us have been

through.

Thanks for listening,

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