parenting through pain

[Guest guest]

Dear All,

I am in the same boat as many of you. I also have failed back surgery

and pain that has now spread everywhere. I guess it is trauma from my

unexpected laminectomy (I thought I was getting a micro-disectomy!

Imagine my surprise to lose 5 levels of lamina!)

My spine is collapsing now since the surgeon removed my spinal support system.

Nerves pinched, deep burning ache from spine through hips and down legs/calves.

Like a horrible deep pain I can't get to.

I use TENS, ice, heating pads, RX medications (Lyrica and Opana, I am just now

getting off a year of methadone.) When I say I have tried everything, I mean

everything.

I got this injury trying to stop my youngest from falling over a cliff. I

jumped off a few retaining walls to catch her running down a mountain towards a

90-foot drop. I did catch her but to great consequence to my own health. I am

only 42.

I have 6 children, two of whom are almost grown but live at home for

work/school. The other four are 11, 9, 8, 6. My husband is totally

sold on homeschooling so I have home-schooled all of them now.

I give them about 6 hours of school each day, then do my chores and errands with

them. I spend 24/7 with my children.

The pain I am in can be excruciating - and they cannot possibly understand. I

know how hard I push myself to give them a great life but they will still

probably only remember me wrapped in ice, unable to move. That would stink

because I work SO HARD for them through pain that I think most would not endure.

A day at the park or McD's or bowling is a great day for us, so I can sit while

they burn off energy. At least they have each other!

I play lots of scattergories-type games I can lay down for. However, my

youngest is large-muscle only so I have to try to figure out ways to get him

outside. He is getting a trampoline for Christmas!

Just wanted to let all the moms out there know there really is no

answer to this except perseverance and endurance, two character traits not much

lauded in this society, but certainly the bottom line of life.

It's lonely, but we are setting a fabulous example for our children of

persevering through great trials. Who knows what they will face in the future?

They may need our example.

My Dad fought cancer twice and I am deeply moved by his sacrificial life even

while being so sick. I only wish I could have understood his suffering more and

cared for him more.

As an adult, though, I understand him telling me, " I am only making it through

this because of you kids. " Isn't that the truth?

We are all in this together,

Anne in TX

Mom to 6