Re: problem with concentration and memory loss - Jade's fears

[Guest guest]

MsKaturah wrote >Today I couldn't find my keys or cane.I left my keys in the

fridge, & my cane in the bathroom.I have always misplaced things.Hubby finds them

in strange places.

Coincidence? I'm partial to the fridge as well.

Over the past few years, I have had to designate particular spots for things,

and then they can never be moved, or have a breakdown of sorts. If what I am

looking for is not where it has been designated, then I lose all semblance of

cool and I have a severe anxiety attack.

I start to get nervous, then shaky, then I seem to get some kind of obsessive

compulsive disorder because I lose track of everything I'm doing, and I must

find that item. I am completely mentally unable to do anything until I find it.

It overwhelms me.

The longer I look, the more anxious I get. My breathing is affected, and my

heart races.

When I do find the item, and I come back to reality, it is very scary because

whatever I was doing was left unattended.

I have learned that I must turn off the oven or the stove, etc. before for

example, going to get the keys to leave the house. Because if they were not,

for whatever reason, in the expected place, whatever I was cooking will be a

fire hazard.

I guess it is extreme, but I am so hyper sensitive to being lost. I often feel

lost. Like in parking lots. There are just so many cars, and I know I parked

in that aisle, no wait, maybe that aisle. I just have to stand there and be

calm. Or, I will start crying.

I think I am this way, because I am afraid most of the time. I am alone, and

have no relatives or anyone to help me if I need help. There is just no one for

me to rely upon.

So, when I lose the keys I know that I am trapped at home, and there is no way

for me to get out. Or when I lose my car, or have car trouble, I am just stuck

and dependent upon strangers.

Then, when I am stressed, or anxious, I guess I tense my muscles, because my

pain kicks in, and then I'm really in trouble. It's physical plus emotional

pain, and that is not a good combination.

Mostly, I try to keep a stoic front, not getting very emotional about anything.

I just can't go there. I can't get emotional, or I might get lost. Lost

mentally, lost physically, lost emotionally.

Does anyone else feel that way? You can email me offline if you don't want to

post public. I just was wondering if anyone else is going through the same.

Thanks for letting me share.

Jade

[Guest guest]

Jade, you sound a lot like me.

In fact, I was soooo happy when I finally got a disability sticker for my

liscense plate. I can now park in handicapped spaces and don't have to panic or

go into a panic attack about where my car is.

You don't know how many times I've walked around a parking lot looking for my

car. I don't have a remote control entry cause my car is old and used even

before I buy it so can't even use that to help me.

At least the number of handicapped spaces limits where I have to look for my

car. Then when I can't always walk that far I stand a chance of finding it.

Becky in Illinois

[Guest guest]

--- jade tadaima wrote:

>

> So, when I lose the keys I know that I am trapped at home, and there is no way

for me to get out.

Jade -

You're doing what's called " catastrophizing " - that is, leaping to the worst

possible outcome. Even if you never found those keys again, you *know*

logically that you're not " trapped " - you could call a cab, you could call a

friend or neighbor, you could get a second set and have them in a safe place as

backup, you could even get more keys cut at the dealership. But you also know

logically that you will find those keys eventually - and you're not going to

starve and die trapped in the house waiting to find them, right? You could at

least order in pizza to keep yourself alive while you're looking! :-)

I'm joking a bit to make you laugh about it, but I know how hard it is because

sometimes we get that really destructive " catastrophic " thought loop going in

our head and it pushes out all logic and keeps us from thinking through all the

options. All we have is panic and emotion, and that doesn't help us manage our

stress or pain, as you pointed out.

I'm using the " keys " you talked about as just one example, but folks who have

these kinds of thoughts about one area of their lives probably do the same thing

in all areas of their lives. And that kind of thinking is devastating to

someone in chronic pain.

For those of us with pain, the destructive catastrophic thought loops in our

heads say things like " It is NEVER going to get any better " (when the truth is

that we all have times and days when things feel a bit better even if they're

never perfect), or " I can't do ANYTHING " (when the truth is there are lots of

things we can do), or " I'm worthless because I'm in pain (when the truth is we

all have value and can make contributions to others - just by posting on this

list and helping someone else, for example!)

Do those sound familiar to you? If so, the good news is that we can learn

better thinking processes that help us cope with stress and pain much more

effectively - there's a therapy called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) that

works GREAT with chronic pain and these kinds of destructive thoughts.

It works specifically on breaking those habits of thinking that get us into

those emotional panic situations. You have to practice changing those thought

patterns - first you have to recognize that you're doing them (sometimes that's

hard to do) and then you have to plan out alternative thoughts about productive

solutions, and then every time you hear yourself cycling into that bad thought

loop, you have to practice thinking the productive solution rather than the

catastrophic outcome. Eventually the good thoughts replace the bad ones. A

therapist or psychologist trained in CBT could be a huge help.

I'm sharing this from my own experience. It took me four tries, but I finally

found a therapist who really understood chronic pain and knew CBT, and she made

a huge difference in my life and how I manage my pain. Not any old therapist

would do - too many of them don't know a darn thing about chronic pain, and

talking ad nauseum about how our parents screwed us up as kids doesn't do a darn

thing to help us manage our pain in the here and now, either.

If you haven't tried CBT, I'd really recommend it! I see a lot of things I

recognize in your post, and I know you can learn new skills that can help you

enjoy your life much more!

Cheryl in AZ

Moderator

[Guest guest]

Cheryl wrote: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) that works GREAT with chronic

pain and these kinds of destructive thoughts.

Thanks, Cheryl for the laugh and the tips on CBT. I know I won't starve to

death, and I can usually get through most of the drama/trauma of losing things

fairly unscathed. I used to go to CBT when I had my pain psychologist.

I actually went through two different hospital pain therapy programs, and I

tried to go to a third one but they said I already knew what they were teaching,

and I couldn't convince them that it would be good for me to go.

The sadness comes from how I used to remember myself. The who I was before pain

self, I mean. I used to be so organized, and I never lost things, and I do mean

never. I was always on top of things. I kept everything in my head and never

wrote it down. I never had to. Nowadays, I write everything down and then lose

the paper. LOL

Although as you mention the feelings of helplessness, etc do come and go,

depending on how my pain level is, I just feel so useless sometimes. And, it is

always on the high pain days, or days when I forget a pill. I just get so

frustrated that the things that used to come so easily are just lost and gone.

I know. Woe pity party.

Lucky for me, it's not an all day, every day thing. However, I can say, for me

anyway that I actually not only experience the problems with concentration and

memory loss, but when the confusion and loss of focus do hit, I feel them

emotionally too.

Thanks again, Cheryl for reminding me that pizza is just a phone call away.

Jade.

[Guest guest]

OMG! Thanks for the morning laugh. Especially about writing stuff down and

losing the paper. ME to a T!

The husband came home drunk last night and was calling me a faker with my pain.

CAN " T stand that! and needed a little cheering up today.

And I think it is ok to have a pity party sometime! lol

S

Jade wrote:

I used to be so organized, and I never lost things, and I do mean never. I was

always on top of things. I kept everything in my head and never wrote it down.

I never had to. Nowadays, I write everything down and then lose the paper. LOL