Re: Re: Slow to Stop - Now I am an A plus

[Guest guest]

-Green wrote: I was also a Type A personality. Still am in my

mind.

Before I became ill I could do so many things. Do them well. And do them all

at once. I could read a whole book in a couple hours and remember it all.

Nowadays, I do maybe 20-30% of what I used to do, and while I may, according to

onlookers, do it better than most, I know inside that I am not doing even half

of what I used to be able to, and it makes me sad.

I flutter around and do as much as I possibly can, in hope that my actions and

activity will hurl me into full motion.

For example, I used to keep my garden to perfection. I was out there all the

time tending to matters, and it showed. However, over the past few years, since

I became ill, I cannot seem to be consistent in the garden area.

So, I took a small bucket. I put it outside and told myself every time I return

from somewhere I am going to pull one bucket of weeds, no more and no less.

And, no changing clothes to do it, either. Because if I go in the house to

change into weed pulling clothes, that will be the end of the project. I just

won't do it.

It took me 3 months, a whole 90 days, of going out there every single day with

my teeny bucket, but I did it! I got all the weeds pulled in the planned target

area which was less than 200 square feet.

Then, I'd go out there and sit, day after day, just sit. Wondering what to do

next. I surely didn't want the weeds to come back and my time was short before

they'd pop their heads out again. So I went out and got some weed cloth, then I

had to hold it down so I put some bark on it, then I got some stepper stones so

I could have some traction when walking around and I wouldn't slip and fall.

But again, the weed paper, and the bark and the steppers, just collecting the

materials was a whole long process, then I had them and another whole long

process began. I am pleased to say that the area is now covered with bark and

steppers, and I'm amazed that I was able to do this.

In the old days, I'd have done the entire project in a day or two, and then have

time to spare. But, it is what it is.

Whatever I do anymore, I have to do in tiny bite size pieces. Everything now

needs a plan. So, when I'm looking like I am just sitting there, my mind is

actually racing back and forth, from the old project to motivate me to try

something new, and to the new project trying to figure out how to parse it down

into manageable pieces.

I work on projects as I can, and I have a long list of things that need to be

done, inside and outside. I can't afford help to do them, so it's me and all

me, either now or later, or nothing will be done. I wish I had friends who

would come and help and in return I could help them, but no such luck. But, I

can do it. I will do it. It will happen, and then I will have my new

motivation.

I have to share this one. The lady at the garden store said, " Do you need help

out with that? " I gave her a big smile and said, " No, thank you. When I first

started my project I could barely lift my arms. It's amazing that now I can do

it all by myself. " Yay. That brightened my whole year to think that wow, I did

this and I changed my body to where I can do some things. The changes came

because I became stronger. I can lift more weight now, and bend more than

before.

Sure, I'm still stiff, and still have limitations, but I use my mind to wrap

around the situation and think more smartly about how to do things. I plan

things intermittently, too. Like on the hot days, I do my inside things,

because I cannot stand the heat at all, it makes me feel like I will pass out.

Then on the cooler days, I do the outside things.

I used to be an A personality, but now I am an A plus!

Jade