Just checking in

[Guest guest]

Hi

How is everyone?

Me, 

The last few days have been rough.

I haven't been able to sleep.

Three hours in 2 days, etc and hard for me to relax type thing.

I don't understand how I can  " hurt " myself by eating the wrong foods and causing

my pain and my vicious cycle of depression and pain.

I could be using the wrong word here though.

I know I have food issues with eating while depressed or eating when upset and I

developed a major sweet tooth. I had a chance, while going thru chemo, that I

had lost weight and could have kept it off. (got down to my college weight, a

size 10)(back up to a 14, though was in a 16 but just unhappy about my weight

and know that I would be good at doing any type of exercise because I am or was

athletic before but that was also when I was 18 or younger too) It is like once

we turn 40 things start breaking down if you don't take care of yourself type

thing.

My counselor today did suggest I go back in to see the psychiatrist for my

depression.

(I am trying to figure out how to " grade " counselors in what they do. And figure

out if she is really the counselor for me. Though what it comes down to is

that the actions still have to come out of me changing what I do, what I eat,

etc and it is so HARD sometimes to change and I don't know if I know why I do

somethings or I just have a hard time admitting to stuff or something.

(Forgive me if I sometimes do not make sense due to I have had a very bad

headache all day today, I have been crying and not been in a good mood because

of it and I can end up not writing what I need to the right way.)

I found out that just 25mg of Nortriptyline helps me not cry as much (I ended up

calling them my crying pills) but the side effects are craving food and I don't

like that. Not that that isn't happening to me now anyways. I have to have

something sweet a few hours before bed.

I saw my last psychiatrist and wasn't very happy with what she wrote about me in

her records. It made me question whether I need to check out what the doctors

end up writing about me. (and what they see when they see me) When I visit and I

am sure they don't expect the patient to read the notes?? Does anyone else check

on what the doctor writes up about your visit to them?

I have an EMG for April 21 in the morning because my two middle toes on my right

foot feel numb and it feels funny. Am not sure if I really want to go thru that.

I went thru something similar with my pink finger on my left hand going numb. It

still doesn't work as well or 100% yet. It isn't as numb but it does feel weird

when I walk having two toes seem like they are not working as well as could be.

Why does it happen that when you find one thing wrong, you fix that, and then

something else develops, because of fixing that thing?? LOL Argh!

I still need to get a neck collar to help in having less pain in my neck and

shoulders.

I want to go back to OT for my personal training but do not want to look strange

trying to do exercises that make me feel like I will fall over due to my balance

problems and others see me doing that in OT.

It isn't like OT is a private gym either and I am doing this in front of just my

OT person. I am not sure if it is because of the " OT person " who is a guy that

is bothering me so much.

He is okay and nice looking and I don't know why I have a problem unless it is

because he is seeing me not really at my worse, worse but it isn't my best

either.  

I don't know what my problem is. Something is bothering me that I don't want to

go back. I think it was because I had told him something worked for me but he

didn't do the same thing he did the first time I saw him, and that upset me.

He just said he would do that the next time, but there wasn't a next time. I

didn't go back and it has been bothering me ever since. I want to go back and

wonder if I should switch Occupational Therapists or not??

I also need to call my asthma doctor and do my check up. I ended up skipping my

XOLAIR (Omalizumab) shot because of the hives I ended up with Hives for about a

week.

I used cortisone creme for that week, had a few more itchies and even though my

pcp prescribed a medrol dose pack. I have already gained enough weight, that I

would rather not take it, and I didn't pick it up.

It just took a couple more days to get rid of the itchiness and hives to go

away. The itchiness wasn't as intense as when it first developed and I still

don't know how or why it developed on me other than the pollen count was very,

very BAD those few days.

Well, before I write a Chapter in the Life and Times of

I am sorry for the ramble, forgive me. I have to get all this off my chest.

I hope everyone is feeling well? write back soon

HUGS,

G/WI 

My animals aren't my whole life, but my life wouldn't be whole without them.

[Guest guest]

((((((())))

Sorry to hear that you have so much going on. i noticed that you seem to be

finding excuses not to go back to some of your health care providers. Sometimes

we get caught up in our illness. In our mind it reflects who we are. The trap

in that is that we are hesitate to change anything.

It is never to late to exercise. I know how hard it is to get motivated. I

have the same problem. Finally I joined a gym and set my goal to go at least

once a week. I am starting to feel better about myself and how I look. I can

do more. When I am having a bad pain day, I don't beat myself up so much

anymore with self pity. The gym is also a great way to get out frustration.

lol

Pick one goal and start there. You can always add more later.

Good luck and hope you are doing better soon. Tami

wrote:

> My counselor today did suggest I go back in to see the psychiatrist for my

depression.

>

> (I am trying to figure out how to " grade " counselors in what they do. And

figure out if she is really the counselor for me. Though what it comes down to

is that the actions still have to come out of me changing what I do, what I eat,

etc and it is so HARD sometimes to change and I don't know if I know why I do

somethings or I just have a hard time admitting to stuff or something.