Need to vent

[Guest guest]

Dear a,

One of the benefits I get from the list is hearing from people who are going

through the hard times. Then I see the questions posed to them and their

answers. This helps me understand the process I am in. It may be your

protocol needs some tweaking which someone on the list could suggest. I am

glad you are telling us what is going on with you.

Your doctor sounds like a butt and that is the most polite word I can come

up with.

I am hoping for a cortisone shot in my right knee tomorrow. This from the

same guy who refused me one on Monday and gave me a referral to a knee

replacement surgeon.

I had a simple meniscus tear the summer before last. The knee surgeon I saw

at first didn't listen to me when I told her there was something in there

tearing up the inside of my knee. She made me go to physical therapy.

Well, I got better muscle tone in my thigh but in the meantime the inside of

my knee was ruined because the meniscus was flopping around and hanging up

my knee. I'd try to straighten it and scream in pain; sometimes it would

happen when I bent it--I never knew and got hundreds of horrible surprises

over the next year. I went back several times to that doctor and she was

arrogant and did not listen to me.

I finally got a different doctor and had orthoscopic surgery last October.

I was in surgery three days after my first appointment with him. I'd kick

myself for not being more assertive but I'm too crippled.

Monday I was finally told the truth. My knee is ruined and it will do no

good to have further repair done on it. I have to get a new knee. This was

the prognosis after my October surgery. I asked questions then but

information was with held from me. I feel betrayed.

I am trying to be grateful that this is a structural problem rather than

rheumatoid arthritis. I'm very angry though. I'll gain acceptance but it

will take some time and effort. My aim tomorrow is to be civil and get my

immediate needs met. I cannot take care of myself in this physical

condition. I am using the walker and cane to get from my chair to the

bathroom. It is grim.

It will be at least a month before I can be seen by the knee replacement

surgeon and I have to have symptomatic relief before then. It just throws

me that the fellow who gave me the referral didn't take my situation into

account.

On the other hand, my rheumatoid arthritis is going great and I do mean

going. Even with this extra stress and pain I'm not flaring!!!! I've got a

little stiffness in my ring fingers--quite a contrast from a year ago when I

was going through the lobster claw phase with my hands. Thank heaven for

the protocol.

[Guest guest]

Hi

It sounds like you got a bad deal all the way round. The arrogance of Drs

sometimes blows

your mind.

As for the knee replacement, all I can say is not to worry. Yes, it is a tough

operation, I

had mine on March 12th of this year but I can tell you the results were worth

all of it. I

feel i got back 98% of function so far and not having that constant pain is

wonderful.

My best advice is to do ALL of the exercises that they give you and WALK!!!!

My knee still stiffens up a bit if I don't use it

Write to me personally if you need more details.

Also check out

http://www.sechrest.com/mmg/tkr/index.html

good luck

Gwen

J wrote:

> From: " J " <denisej@...>

>

> Dear a,

>

> One of the benefits I get from the list is hearing from people who are going

> through the hard times. Then I see the questions posed to them and their

> answers. This helps me understand the process I am in. It may be your

> protocol needs some tweaking which someone on the list could suggest. I am

> glad you are telling us what is going on with you.

>

> Your doctor sounds like a butt and that is the most polite word I can come

> up with.

>

> I am hoping for a cortisone shot in my right knee tomorrow. This from the

> same guy who refused me one on Monday and gave me a referral to a knee

> replacement surgeon.

>

> I had a simple meniscus tear the summer before last. The knee surgeon I saw

> at first didn't listen to me when I told her there was something in there

> tearing up the inside of my knee. She made me go to physical therapy.

> Well, I got better muscle tone in my thigh but in the meantime the inside of

> my knee was ruined because the meniscus was flopping around and hanging up

> my knee. I'd try to straighten it and scream in pain; sometimes it would

> happen when I bent it--I never knew and got hundreds of horrible surprises

> over the next year. I went back several times to that doctor and she was

> arrogant and did not listen to me.

>

> I finally got a different doctor and had orthoscopic surgery last October.

> I was in surgery three days after my first appointment with him. I'd kick

> myself for not being more assertive but I'm too crippled.

>

> Monday I was finally told the truth. My knee is ruined and it will do no

> good to have further repair done on it. I have to get a new knee. This was

> the prognosis after my October surgery. I asked questions then but

> information was with held from me. I feel betrayed.

>

> I am trying to be grateful that this is a structural problem rather than

> rheumatoid arthritis. I'm very angry though. I'll gain acceptance but it

> will take some time and effort. My aim tomorrow is to be civil and get my

> immediate needs met. I cannot take care of myself in this physical

> condition. I am using the walker and cane to get from my chair to the

> bathroom. It is grim.

>

> It will be at least a month before I can be seen by the knee replacement

> surgeon and I have to have symptomatic relief before then. It just throws

> me that the fellow who gave me the referral didn't take my situation into

> account.

>

> On the other hand, my rheumatoid arthritis is going great and I do mean

> going. Even with this extra stress and pain I'm not flaring!!!! I've got a

> little stiffness in my ring fingers--quite a contrast from a year ago when I

> was going through the lobster claw phase with my hands. Thank heaven for

> the protocol.

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Having difficulty getting " in synch " with list members?

>

> Try ONElist's Shared Calendar to organize events, meetings and more!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/11/99 2:13:17 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

denisej@... writes:

<< The knee surgeon I saw

at first didn't listen to me when I told her there was something in there

tearing up the inside of my knee. >>

Dear .

I am sick for you. Good grief, how much more are we going to hear about

these incompetent Drs? It is unconscienable to say the least. How much of

this is going on out there in the world and we don't hear about it, only from

our group because we share with each other.

How many of these Drs. would put up with an automobile or TV that didn';t

work after they bought it. We buy their services and so many times it is a

waste of our money but there are no money back guarantees with them. It

stinks.

How would you like to live in Florida where there was Tort Reform passed in

1990 or 1994 where Drs. can " Practice " medicine and cannot be sued for

malpractice or negligence by children or relatives if the children or

relatives are under the age of 25. I wrote a letter to our esteemed Orlando

Sentinel encouraging all Doctors from across the land to come here to Florida

to *practice* their trade because they can't be sued and there are thousands

of elderly here to *practice* on. Retirement mecca of the country. Of course

my letter was never printed.

One more thing. Remember the post I wrote a while back where we, (those of us

on Medicare) can';t go to another Dr. outside of our HMO and pay out of

pocket? Another nice kick in the guts. That Fed law went into effect Jan

1st, 1998.

All that said, I guess I still have to say this is the best country in the

world!!

Have a good night after all of this,

Anita

RA 26 years, Fibro, AP 16 months

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/12/99 11:51:35 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

arjay@... writes:

<< Ohhhh that law really pissed me off a doctor can't take a cash paying

patient if they do they can't treat medicare patients where the hell

does the government get the right to do that. just be glad hilliarys

no-health plan didn't get in that was a real disaster---i can't talk

about government with out needing to be hosed down. >>

,

Me either. Some congressmen have said this law is worse than Englands.

Imagine if you have heart problems for instance and want to go and can afford

the best Cardiologist in the country. You can't. Like you said, the Dr.

won't treat you or he loses all of his Medicare patients for 3 years.

And guess what? You know who was 100% behind this? AARP. I don't belong

and never will. ONly a handful of people make all the decisions in that org

and then claim to be representing millions. Hooey, they are a bunch of

crooks too, living on a high salary paid for by your subscriptions and ads in

their magazines and who knows how many perks under the table by companies,

etc., etc. ad nauseum.

My 2 cents worth today. Now have to go cool off, ha ha

Anita

[Guest guest]

Here it is the same I have Medi-cal and if I see a dr not on " the list " I

lose all of my medical benefits that is not right cause my dr sucks Ps

my dr gets $25 per month whether she sees me or not, and the specialist if I

am sent to one gets a measly $12 half of my reg drs money, so they do not

like to send you to specialists

[Guest guest]

Does anyone know exactly what law is being referred to here? I have heard it

referred to before, but have not seen it myself. My doctor takes both

medi-cal and cash patients too. Something doesn't ring true here, what about

people who don't qualify for the medicare programs and don't have other

insurance? In this area there are few doctors to choose from and I'm pretty

sure all of them take medi-cal patients. Who would be left for those with no

coverage at all? Liz G

[Guest guest]

From my understanding if you are on medicare you cannot go to a doctor

and pay cash--eg bypass the government--if you are not on medicare then

you can do whatever. The dr can't treat medicare patients who just want

to pay him in cash if he does he can't treat any medicare patients for 3

years---ahh the land of the free

Liz G. wrote:

>

> From: " Liz G. " <pioneer@...>

>

> Does anyone know exactly what law is being referred to here? I have heard it

> referred to before, but have not seen it myself. My doctor takes both

> medi-cal and cash patients too. Something doesn't ring true here, what about

> people who don't qualify for the medicare programs and don't have other

> insurance? In this area there are few doctors to choose from and I'm pretty

> sure all of them take medi-cal patients. Who would be left for those with no

> coverage at all? Liz G

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> ONElist: where real people with real interests get connected.

>

> Join a new list today!

[Guest guest]

>Lesli(the most horribly selfish mother in the San Francisco Bay area)

)

At work we use the expression: single child. If someone asks you if you

have/will have more children, try answering with: " We're happy with our

single child " . (if they persists, look them in the eye and ask them if she

wants tips in birth control!)

What gall some people have!

Personally I find questions about having children, or not having children,

sexual preference, etc... to be very personal. When I hear comments about a

gay couple I tend to say something like: " gee, I dont think about strangers

having sex - why do you? "

I like to be blunt and make people stop and think about what they are

saying. If they are so ignorant that they didnt 'get it' then no matter what

I say or do, it wont matter anyway.

re: andra having lighter hair than most kids - tom has blue hair! I'm

thinking about the social stuff, but I have a feeling that she has been

'socialized' enough!! Now its up to her to think about how to do it

herself.

If it makes you feel better, I get asked why we have 3 kids. I answer that

any more means buying a van, and Im more of a sports car person!

laugh it off, ignorant people arent worth your frustration!

take care, wendy in canada

______________________________________________________

Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com

[Guest guest]

Hi List,

Can someone please tell me why, in this new millenium, there is still

such a stigma attached to being an only child? I feel as if I will

scream if one more person suggests that I have another child.

andra is having major troubles in her friendships right now,

stemming from her feelings about being different. (She has OCD, is an

only, and is one of the few non-Asian children in our neighborhood.)

She has developed some magical thinking prompting her to nag friends for

trinkets, such as hair stuff, pencils, stickers, etc., feeling that

these gifts will make her more like her friends and prove that they like

and accept her.

Needless to say this whiny, naggy behavior makes her less than popular

among friends and parents alike. From the outside she appears to be an

immature child who has no manners and doesn't know how to play with

others. Hence the unsolicited suggestions, for the umpteenth time, that

all our problems would be solved if we would only provide her with a

brother or sister playmate.

Quite frankly, I would love to have had another child. I chose not to

because andra was so overwhelming from birth, in ways I've described

here before: fussy, demanding, high need, slept little, demanded

constant attention and stimulation, stuck to me like velcro, defied all

conventional parenting wisdom. At three, and probably as early as 18

mos., she began exhibiting the symptoms of what we now know is OCD.

Add to that the fact that my husband is a career driven, absent-minded

Dad who has only recently begun taking baby steps toward being a

participating parent. Yes, he lives with us, he's just often " not

here, " mentally when it comes to the day to day details of parenting.

I myself am an only child who had a wonderful, almost idyllic childhood,

so I wasn't prepared for this struggle. Although I am not an extrovert,

I've always had supportive and loyal friendships. I know people mean

well, but my pat answers such as, " We love our family just the way it

is, " seem to fall on deaf ears.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. If anyone has ideas about

how to help andra feel less " different, " I would enjoy hearing them.

Take care,

Lesli (the most horribly selfish mother in the San Francisco Bay area)

[Guest guest]

>

> Take care,

> Lesli (the most horribly selfish mother in the San Francisco Bay area)

Well know you have a horribly selfish mother friend in new hampshire.

I have gone through the same stuff. I would have had another but my

hepatitis ruled that out. And now I am grateful, I could never deal with

another child with Molly. Just not my makeup.

You know as well as I that their social issues are not because they are only

children. And people attributing it to that are just uneducated.

Molly has two half brothers who dont live with us. However, the 18 year old

doesnt come over because Molly drives him crazy with her behavior. So even

a sibling can be alienated by OCD behavior.

I shut people up when they ask me by telling them how desperately (and I

really act that word up) I wanted another but my illness wouldnt allow it.

That always leaves them with a foot in their mouth. Hopefully they will

learn to mind their own business and some other woman will be saved from

their well intentioned words.

Patti r in nh

[Guest guest]

Hi , I have to wonder how many of us are walking around today because

an older brother or sister was having some problem or other-- I have

*two*

younger sisters, my folks must have been really worried about me . . .

I too have heard my share of the " siblings as OCD cure " suggestions, I just

reply I was lucky to have Kel and leave it at that. I'll be 43 next month

and

anticipate a sharp fall off in these remarks! We were actively trying to

have

another child around the time Kel was beginning to have problems and I

am so thankful that I didn't get pregnant. I don't think I could have

survived

a new baby timed to arrive with her OCD onset, not to mention the

possibility

of having two children with this disorder (kudos to those of you who do have

more than one and do such great jobs with them. I just know in my heart I

wouldn't be competent with two Kels.)

I was interested (and sorry) to read about andra's social problems,

something I've

been meaning to post about is the troubles I've been noticing Kel having in

this area the past couple of months. Until recently she was fine, had many

friends and was often invited to others' homes for play dates, but these

have

tapered to very few. About the same time Kel began complaining about

this girl or that one, that she was being mean, wouldn't let Kel play, etc.

She

had these complaints about so many children all of a sudden that a red flag

went up for me that OCD had gotten into friendships somehow.

I don't have any suggestions since we are just starting to experience this

problem. I don't even know what Kel may be doing to turn the kids off, or

if this is what is happening. I do know whatever is going on is very much

affecting Kel's self-esteem and I think for the first time in her life she

is

having self-doubts and big worries about OCD setting her apart and making

her different from the other kids. One thing I know she's done since onset

is try to be the boss, she has the need to be in charge and nail down every

detail. As the kids have gotten older, fewer and fewer of them let this

go unchallenged. And for some reason she targets the few children who

*have* been unresponsive to her attempts at friendship, she considers

them " cool " and tries extra-hard (kisses up) to win them as friends. I

can't

get an explaination from her why she particularly wishes to be friends with

girls who don't seem very interested in her.

Kathy R. in Indiana

> From: Masoud & Lesli Molaei <desk@...>

> Can someone please tell me why, in this new millenium, there is still

> such a stigma attached to being an only child? I feel as if I will

> scream if one more person suggests that I have another child.

>

> andra is having major troubles in her friendships right now,

> stemming from her feelings about being different. (She has OCD, is an

> only, and is one of the few non-Asian children in our neighborhood.)

> She has developed some magical thinking prompting her to nag friends for

> trinkets, such as hair stuff, pencils, stickers, etc., feeling that

> these gifts will make her more like her friends and prove that they like

> and accept her.

>

> Needless to say this whiny, naggy behavior makes her less than popular

> among friends and parents alike. From the outside she appears to be an

> immature child who has no manners and doesn't know how to play with

> others. Hence the unsolicited suggestions, for the umpteenth time, that

> all our problems would be solved if we would only provide her with a

> brother or sister playmate.

>

> Quite frankly, I would love to have had another child. I chose not to

> because andra was so overwhelming from birth, in ways I've described

> here before: fussy, demanding, high need, slept little, demanded

> constant attention and stimulation, stuck to me like velcro, defied all

> conventional parenting wisdom. At three, and probably as early as 18

> mos., she began exhibiting the symptoms of what we now know is OCD.

>

> Add to that the fact that my husband is a career driven, absent-minded

> Dad who has only recently begun taking baby steps toward being a

> participating parent. Yes, he lives with us, he's just often " not

> here, " mentally when it comes to the day to day details of parenting.

>

> I myself am an only child who had a wonderful, almost idyllic childhood,

> so I wasn't prepared for this struggle. Although I am not an extrovert,

> I've always had supportive and loyal friendships. I know people mean

> well, but my pat answers such as, " We love our family just the way it

> is, " seem to fall on deaf ears.

>

> Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. If anyone has ideas about

> how to help andra feel less " different, " I would enjoy hearing them.

>

> Take care,

> Lesli (the most horribly selfish mother in the San Francisco Bay area)

[Guest guest]

HI Patti:

I love your response to these rude questions. I was going to suggest

something along those lines too. Sometimes I know we can get this type of

rude questioning from close relatives and that has definintely hurt me. My

mother has gone on at me in the past for not providing her with a

granddaughter - we have two boys - and asking for one inspite of the fact

that I am unable to conceive due to chemotherapy knocking out my ovarian

function. I tell her this but it still does not stop the regret over no

granddaughter. I am one of four kids and the only one who produced and

raised grandkids for her!

Sometimes three deep breaths is the best way I have come up with dealing

with this. Take care, aloha, Kathy (H)

kathyh@...

At 07:43 AM 02/24/2000 -0500, you wrote:

>From: " Patti R. " <pross@...>

>

>

>>

>> Take care,

>> Lesli (the most horribly selfish mother in the San Francisco Bay area)

>

>Well know you have a horribly selfish mother friend in new hampshire.

>I have gone through the same stuff. I would have had another but my

>hepatitis ruled that out. And now I am grateful, I could never deal with

>another child with Molly. Just not my makeup.

>

>

>I shut people up when they ask me by telling them how desperately (and I

>really act that word up) I wanted another but my illness wouldnt allow it.

>That always leaves them with a foot in their mouth. Hopefully they will

>learn to mind their own business and some other woman will be saved from

>their well intentioned words.

>

>Patti r in nh

[Guest guest]

Kathy, I read your post. Krysti is 16 and has ocd. It has been extemely hard

for her @ school. Her friends that have been her close ones since pre-school

have almost dumped her. She is so sad every day! I don't know if it is the

girl territory thing or what! They almost seem jealous of Krysti. I do know

that she speaks her mind. She does not kiss up to anyone. She does not play

their games, but then doesn't get invited to the movies, or their gatherings.

Yes self-esteem is decreasing. With her recent surgey, no one has called! Only

one came by and she has ocd & trichotill? I hurt for her so much. Krysti is a

great volleyball player, cheerleader and treated as if she is liked. Mainly the

boys are her friends. She has grown up w/ them, more like buddies. I don't

understand why the girl's are so jealous. Krysti is only friends. She has no

boyfriend! You know most of their moms are the same way. They don't call me.

If I include myself, it is okay if come along they guess. What is it?

We have enough problems w/o having to bring up their self esteem!!!

Hang in there.

Any solutions anyone?

Lori

[Guest guest]

Just to let you all know, having more children will NOT be a cure for

OCD. It's my oldest that suffers from it. People saying that you

should have another child merely to have a playmate for the one with OCD

are extremely selfish. Don't get me wrong, I'm pregnant with my second

and I have 2 step daughters living with me so I'm all for bigger

families. I just think that having a child for reasons like those are

wrong. Each family works differently and there is no absolute right

number for everybody. It's entirely up to you and your husband to

decide what's right for your family.

Trudy in Kansas City

[Guest guest]

HI:

The friends thing is a biggie. For a time Steve's friends were women in

their 20's, 30's, and 40's. Rather strange for a ten year old but they

were the ones who understood his pain and need for understanding and

company. The few times he had friends over it was like he was 2 years old

and parallel play was the most that he could manage and pretty soon he was

asking me for them to go home. This was heartbreak for me.

The best thing I did was not get involved in these problems (very hard for

me!). Becoming a teen has been a blessing as many other peers are having

problems with their social skills and Steve no longer stands out in this as

his have improved. We also had more activities with our friends and

involved the kids, e.g. dinner parties, hiking, going out to dinner,

visiting and that helped Steve a lot. Adults are much more tolerant of

poor social skills when they understand NBDs. We also do a lot of

modelling social skills for Steve with the guidance of his therapist. We

compliment him on successes very regularly and then apply negative

consequences as needed. Often I have to remind him to keep his thoughts to

himself and we do not want to hear this stuff. Also verbalizing his

negative views has cost him with his peers and this has been very

effective, if agonizing to observe as a parent.

Since Steve suffers from MDD I have learned to pay attention to his

complaints about not having friends and no one liking him and they seem

highly correlated with his depression. So addressing his depression really

improves his social functioning.

Good luck, take care, aloha, Kathy

At 10:57 AM 02/24/2000 -0800, you wrote:

>From: volley4@...

>

>Kathy, I read your post. Krysti is 16 and has ocd. It has been extemely

hard

>for her @ school. Her friends that have been her close ones since pre-school

>have almost dumped her. She is so sad every day! I don't know if it is the

>girl territory thing or what! They almost seem jealous of Krysti. I do know

>that she speaks her mind. She does not kiss up to anyone. She does not play

>their games, but then doesn't get invited to the movies, or their gatherings.

>Yes self-esteem is decreasing. With her recent surgey, no one has called!

Only

>one came by and she has ocd & trichotill? I hurt for her so much. Krysti

is a

>great volleyball player, cheerleader and treated as if she is liked.

Mainly the

>boys are her friends. She has grown up w/ them, more like buddies. I don't

>understand why the girl's are so jealous. Krysti is only friends. She

has no

>boyfriend! You know most of their moms are the same way. They don't call

me.

>If I include myself, it is okay if come along they guess. What is it?

>We have enough problems w/o having to bring up their self esteem!!!

>Hang in there.

>Any solutions anyone?

>Lori

[Guest guest]

Hi Shellie, I learned last summer that my daughter experiences much lower

OCD symptoms when she is anywhere else but around me here at home. From

onset, her worst OCD has been reserved for me, and our house is full of

triggers for her. Anyway, last summer I took advantage of every play date,

day camp, library activity, etc., etc. I came across, to give her a break

from her OCD and give me a break from having to watch it and deal with it.

I was a nervous wreck the first few times--imagining her off in a corner,

doing compulsions, distressed, anxious, and no one there who *really*

understood. This never happened, only positive things happened, and I

realized I was on to a good thing for both of us!

It reminds me of when a toddler falls down--a lot of times, if Mom isn't

handy, they'll get back up without much fuss and carry on. But if Mom is

near, there is a dramatic cloudburst.

Others on this list have posted about how a person with OCD often has a

" safe person " and who's safer than Mom? My daughter shows fewer OCD

symptoms when she's with her Dad even, and *he* does *everything* wrong!!

Provides tons of reassurance, throws unacceptable clothing away, helps her

avoid situations, caters to OCD's rules, you name it, he does it and yet her

symptoms are lower around him. He can't understand why I'm sometimes wrung

out at the end of a day with Kellen.

I don't think you are doing anything wrong. Your son is probably

suppressing his symptoms around his Grandma (the way he does at school

perhaps?) because he is not as comfortable around her as he is in his own

home with you. It's a kind of backhanded compliment--you get to see

Derrick's OCD in it's full glory because he is sure of your love and

acceptance, no matter what.

I too grieved the " good old days " before OCD came and desperately missed my

child--my real child--the way she was before her onset. The early months

following diagnosis were especially difficult, and it was hard for me to

imagine ahead and envision my daughter better, less encumbered by OCD and

more her old self, though this is exactly what happened once her meds were

straightened out and we began doing CBT.

I'm sorry I don't have any information about SSRI's effects if any on a

child's height and weight. This is something I wonder about too. I do know

that SSRI's are prescribed in higher doses for OCD than for depression, for

children as well as adults. My daughter takes 150mg. Zoloft daily.

((Hugs)) Shellie and enjoy your break while Derrick is at grandma's.

Kathy R. in Indiana

> From: " Shellie S " <seashellie87@...>

>

> Hi All, just sitting here and feeling a bit odd today. My son Derrick is

at

> grandmas for spring break and i am having a much needed break. If he

hadn't

> gone this week i don't know if i could have contained myself much longer

> from wanting to strangle him. To top it off he has been a perfect angel

> while at grandmas..how do you think that makes me feel???? When at home he

> is a tyrant...raging often and long, making my evening so exhausting. As

> well the washing goes on for hours and we go through a gallon of soap. At

> grandmas he has washed minimally..three times a day...has one shower...and

> has been a pleasant child. What gives??? What am i doing wrong? Grandma is

> fully aware of OCD and derrick knows that. So i cant figure out how he can

> change over night. What gives him control when he is there? And why cant

he

> control it at home. i would love to have just one great night with him, to

> remember how things used to be but i just get to see the MAD WASHER in

> action. How I long for the old Derrick who was always happy and easy

going,

> why does he show every one else his good side but i get his ugly side. How

i

> miss him!!!! He was only diagnosed back in November..I remember the good

> days, and i long for them back.

> I have one other concern...i was wondering if any of you have any info on

> SSRI's and the effects they have on size and weight of the child...any

> professional back up would be appreciate as I am having problems getting

our

> psychiatrist to move forward with his meds.

> Thank you for listening...i really needed to get my thoughts off my chest

> before i exploded in frustration...Thank you and bless you all,

> Shellie in Canada

[Guest guest]

Hi Shellie and Kathy:

I can echo what Kathy has written here. I love the way you put it,

backhanded compliment. It really upset me a lot at first as I felt that

this was extra cruel that the person who tried hardest to help was the

focus of the OCDers blame and flared up symptoms. Now I understand more

about how OCD works it doesn't bother me as much. Another thing that

really helped was Steve's recovery as it became something we could discuss

and air out and allowed us to reconnect in a very special way.

Before understanding how OCD works this way, at times I would look at Steve

and wonder if I really loved him as he was causing (actually OCD was

causing) so much trouble in our lives. His mean oppositionality really

hurt me badly back then.

Hang in there Shellie, it will get easier. Take care, aloha, Kathy (H)

kathyh@...

At 09:57 AM 03/23/2000 -0500, you wrote:

>From: " Kathy " <klr@...>

>

>Hi Shellie, I learned last summer that my daughter experiences much lower

>OCD symptoms when she is anywhere else but around me here at home. From

>onset, her worst OCD has been reserved for me, and our house is full of

>triggers for her. Anyway, last summer I took advantage of every play date,

>day camp, library activity, etc., etc. I came across, to give her a break

>from her OCD and give me a break from having to watch it and deal with it.

>I was a nervous wreck the first few times--imagining her off in a corner,

>doing compulsions, distressed, anxious, and no one there who *really*

>understood. This never happened, only positive things happened, and I

>realized I was on to a good thing for both of us!

>

>It reminds me of when a toddler falls down--a lot of times, if Mom isn't

>handy, they'll get back up without much fuss and carry on. But if Mom is

>near, there is a dramatic cloudburst.

>

>Others on this list have posted about how a person with OCD often has a

> " safe person " and who's safer than Mom? My daughter shows fewer OCD

>symptoms when she's with her Dad even, and *he* does *everything* wrong!!

>Provides tons of reassurance, throws unacceptable clothing away, helps her

>avoid situations, caters to OCD's rules, you name it, he does it and yet her

>symptoms are lower around him. He can't understand why I'm sometimes wrung

>out at the end of a day with Kellen.

>

>I don't think you are doing anything wrong. Your son is probably

>suppressing his symptoms around his Grandma (the way he does at school

>perhaps?) because he is not as comfortable around her as he is in his own

>home with you. It's a kind of backhanded compliment--you get to see

>Derrick's OCD in it's full glory because he is sure of your love and

>acceptance, no matter what.

>

>I too grieved the " good old days " before OCD came and desperately missed my

>child--my real child--the way she was before her onset. The early months

>following diagnosis were especially difficult, and it was hard for me to

>imagine ahead and envision my daughter better, less encumbered by OCD and

>more her old self, though this is exactly what happened once her meds were

>straightened out and we began doing CBT.

>

>I'm sorry I don't have any information about SSRI's effects if any on a

>child's height and weight. This is something I wonder about too. I do know

>that SSRI's are prescribed in higher doses for OCD than for depression, for

>children as well as adults. My daughter takes 150mg. Zoloft daily.

>

>((Hugs)) Shellie and enjoy your break while Derrick is at grandma's.

>

>Kathy R. in Indiana

>

>> From: " Shellie S " <seashellie87@...>

>>

>> Hi All, just sitting here and feeling a bit odd today. My son Derrick is

>at

>> grandmas for spring break and i am having a much needed break. If he

>hadn't

>> gone this week i don't know if i could have contained myself much longer

>> from wanting to strangle him. To top it off he has been a perfect angel

>> while at grandmas..how do you think that makes me feel???? When at home he

>> is a tyrant...raging often and long, making my evening so exhausting. As

>> well the washing goes on for hours and we go through a gallon of soap. At

>> grandmas he has washed minimally..three times a day...has one shower...and

>> has been a pleasant child. What gives??? What am i doing wrong? Grandma is

>> fully aware of OCD and derrick knows that. So i cant figure out how he can

>> change over night. What gives him control when he is there? And why cant

>he

>> control it at home. i would love to have just one great night with him, to

>> remember how things used to be but i just get to see the MAD WASHER in

>> action. How I long for the old Derrick who was always happy and easy

>going,

>> why does he show every one else his good side but i get his ugly side. How

>i

>> miss him!!!! He was only diagnosed back in November..I remember the good

>> days, and i long for them back.

>> I have one other concern...i was wondering if any of you have any info on

>> SSRI's and the effects they have on size and weight of the child...any

>> professional back up would be appreciate as I am having problems getting

>our

>> psychiatrist to move forward with his meds.

>> Thank you for listening...i really needed to get my thoughts off my chest

>> before i exploded in frustration...Thank you and bless you all,

>> Shellie in Canada

[Guest guest]

> I mentioned it in a note and she wrote back that " lunch is not for

> socialization " can you believe this?

Gee, what school did the teacher go to? Lunch is one of the major places to

socialize!!!

R.

Mom to (6, ds) and Grace (3)

[Guest guest]

Lunch is not for socialization????? What bootcamp does Kaitlyn attend?? I

would file an official complaint with the state regarding the para. They

are out of compliance. I think I might even want a new teacher. Sounds

like this one is beyond clueless. Perhaps you should insist that she be

tested. Maybe they could use the Stanford-Binet.

Elaine

Need to Vent

> Hi everyone.

> One week of school and already I am peeved. Kaitlyn is supposed to have

> a full time para. Had one last year and it is in the IEP which they do

> not think needs to be done until after the new school year starts (

> another thing that I don't agree with). So school starts and the new

> para is not hired yet because they are waiting on an FBI check. They

> have known all summer that they needed to hire a para and that FBI

> checks take two weeks. Why is it then that they wait until the week

> before school to start the hiring process? This leads to the problem of

> lunch. Kaitlyn does kindergarten all day. All other kindergartener go

> 1/2 day. So Kaitlyn does not have anyone to go to lunch with. Well,

> knowing that they would not consider it, I talked to several of the

> girls in the neighborhood that Kaitlyn plays with who are in first grade

> and we decided that Kaitlyn would eat lunch with them. For some reason

> the special ed teacher in the resource room has been taking Kailtyn to

> lunch when ever and so Kaitlyn is eating essentially by herself.

> I mentioned it in a note and she wrote back that " lunch is not for

> socialization " can you believe this? Gosh I hate to start in so soon

> but I think Kaitlyn should get to eat with her friends. Ok done

> venting. Thanks for listening.

>

> Darcy

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

ROTFLOL!! Kent. This was constructive!!! I needed a good laugh.

Elaine

----- Original Message -----

Kent_Moreno@...>

> >I mentioned it in a note and she wrote back that " lunch is not for

> >socialization "

>

> Hi!

>

> Oh horse pucky! I'm sorry, were you hoping for something constructive???

> :-)

>

>

> Take care,

>

>

> Kent

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/28/00 12:49:44 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

Bonoratoe001@... writes:

<< she wrote back that " lunch is not for

> socialization " can you believe this? >>

I think you should write back, " well then, let's call an IEP meeting and

make lunch a time for improving socialization skills. We can add a new sheet

and plenty of new goals to go over during lunch and you can stay in the

lunchroom during that time period making sure the goals are implemented! "

Cheryl in VA

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/27/00 4:35:23 PM Central Daylight Time,

seads@... writes:

<< mentioned it in a note and she wrote back that " lunch is not for

socialization " can you believe this? Gosh I hate to start in so soon

but I think Kaitlyn should get to eat with her friends. Ok done

venting. Thanks for listening.

Darcy

>>

Darcy,

Even if they don't consider it time for socialization she should still be

with her friends for the modeling of eating skills that they do.

Karyn

[Guest guest]

yes, but for some reason it removed it. This is what I write to her:-

but surely you realise that your daughter is going to grow up to be the first

female president of the USA and then she'll have to have working breakfasts

and dinners as well as lunches. Now I realise that is work and not

socialisation, but these communication skills have to be learnt somewhere -

school lunchtime. Guess you'd better just forward my e mail to your teacher

- lol

can't believe what that teacher said - well, yes I can, but it sure bugs the

hell out of me.

Allyson

[Guest guest]

Dear , never hesitate to vent. We all share your thoughts. We all need

each other! We all admire eachother's fighting ability and if every now and

then one of us stumbles, this group will pick them back up again! Long live

faces! Carolyn

[Guest guest]

(((((((((())))))))))))) hows Tab doing? reading the post and understand how you feel last year was hard for me to write in a excuse note please excuse for being absent from school she woke up to stiff to walk and do her work at school please allow her to make up anything she missed

also wrote excuses like please excuse for being absent due to her JRA and muscles she was in such pain after school the day before she had to rest today or please excuse for being absent yesterday due to complications of JRA she was unable to come to school and eventually i started writing please excuse for being absent you know s medical history please allow her to make up any missed work it does hurt inside walking into the school and having to say your kid couldnt come to school due to this if you want to vent darling just pour it out i will be around listening take care

Robbin