Confused & in 12-step recovery

[Guest guest]

Hi. This is my first post here. Just wanted to vent and maybe get

feedback. I've been in " the program " for 10 months or so

and every

aspect of my life outside of AA has improved (work, love, health,

family, etc.). However, one of my major…dare I say

it… " character

defects " (gag) is that I let people walk all over me and

don't stand

up for myself. Now, it seems the only arena in which this comes out

is around AA folk. My sponsor is pushing me to do " service

work " , be

on committees, and I agreed to be CPC/PI co-chair. While I'm in

meetings I think everything's okay, but outside of meetings I

feel

resentful toward the program and beat myself up for not standing up

for my beliefs and declining pressure to be a " Trusted

Servant " ,

etc. I feel like a spineless wretch. Like I'd have to get a

lawyer

to divorce myself from AA. Some meetings are actually beneficial to

me. But I am baffled as to why I can't just go to meetings when

I

feel like it and not do AA service work without guilting myself to

death. Okay, thanks for reading. I am extremely ambivalent and

confused about how I really feel about 12-step recovery.

Holly