Re: Nonsupportive family member and how I stood up for myself

[Guest guest]

>

> Last Monday was a doozy. I called my mother-in-law to ask if our youngest

could spend the night- I had to leave early to get my Orencia infusion first

thing the next morning & thought if she could sleep at Grandmas then I wouldn't

have to wake her up at 6am. Mom-in-law began asking questions about my RA, how

the medication works, how my knees are (Osteoarthritis there), etc. After 21

years of being married into the family I should have known better but I let my

guard down.

>

> Oh my precious Nelly but how she lit into me. I found out later from my dear

hubby that she was spoiling for a fight & I blindly entered the scene. She

started in on how Leroy (AKA for another bro-in-law) has RA and HE isn't taking

anything but pain medication and basically How Dare I " happily " take such

expensive medicine and it's all my fault that our health insurance has gone up

to $2200 per month for our family of 5. Ah, I left out that it's all my fault

that my knees are bad because I'm " hideously overweight " . Yeah. Sure. I was in

such a good mood until I spoke with her.

>

> Something happened to me during that phone call. Instead of sitting there

listening to her rant at me like I have dutifully done many times over 21

yrs...instead... for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I argued back. She got louder &

so did I just to make myself be heard. I told her that all RA medications are

expensive. I told her that Leroy told me himself that he has never been to a Dr.

to be diagnosed with any specific arthritis & that by taking such strong pain

medications (Oxy and others) that he will be a prescrip drug addict in years to

come whereas I'll still be a functioning mobile mother with a decent life. As to

insurance I reminded her that everyones insurance across the boards has gone up-

we are not as special as she thinks.

>

> Then I hit upon my weight which has been an ongoing target of hers for years.

Yeah, I'm fat. I'm 5 feet 4 3/4 inches tall. I am 286 pounds of solid voluptuous

woman with an attitude. I told her that I know I'm fat and I don't need her to

remind me of it every time she gets a cob up her behind and " My weight is

between my Dr, my husband, and me. It is NONE of YOUR business anymore. " I ended

my part of the call by telling her that I don't appreciate being talked to in

such a rude manner and I will not allow her or anyone else to talk to me like

that. Period. I heard her yelling that I had to " sit down and listen to what

(she) had to say to (me) " as I hung the phone up. She probably didn't know I'd

hung up for a good 10 minutes or so.

>

> My husband told me he is proud of me for not taking her crap and he is

ignoring her as much as he can. Our youngest has no idea that anything is

" wrong " and she still likes going to Grandmas. I'm glad. However our son has

overheard her bitchin' to Leroy about me. I'm in good company as she doesn't

talk nicely about any of her other 3 daus-in-law either. Now our son doesn't

like going into her house for lunch anymore which is where the hub of the

farming operation is located. Our 15 yr old was at home when The Call took place

and I didn't realize that she was downstairs at the time. She heard my side of

the conversation and picked up on what Grandmas side was. Now the 15 yr old is

angry with her Grandma and doesn't want anything to do with her.

>

> Despite all this I haven't felt this good mentally for years. All three kids

and dear hubby have noticed the improvement. I finally realized that only my

husband and my kids opinions are what matters. I'll never be a part of that

family so why did I so desperately want them to like me and accept me? Stress

can really add to the RA pain levels. After getting the Mom-in-law monkey off my

back I can't begin to tell you how much better the Orencia has been working. The

only thing that hurts are my hands and I can deal with that pain.

>

> If you have too much stress in your life find some way to get rid of it. I'd

have preferred not to have the situation with my mom-in-law but either way that

load is gone and I don't miss it. I highly recommend serious stress reduction in

your lives as soon as possible!

>

> Dalanne

> Muggy Humid East Central Illinois

>

I can totally relate! im just gonna be starting on enbrel, and nobody really

understands why i need it!I was MTX for over a year and it finally cought up

with me. my liver was acting up. so now we are going to try the enbrel. nobody

deserves to be treated like she had been toward you! I would of told her long

time ago to get lost!Relatives can be so cruel!i have got RA also,plus OA and

DDD in lower back.I try not to take a whole lot of drugs i've that route yrs ago

when i was dxs with fms.everyone things im crazy sometimes.... but any way we

all can understand each other so well!

,

the midwest,good olde nebraska

[Guest guest]

Hi Dalanne

Next time you see her ask her if her tongue is still bothering her. When she

asks you what you mean tell her all that acid tripping off it must hurt like

hell lol

You stick up for yourself. She must have a very bad self image if she has to be

spiteful to everyone.

Ignore her and concentrate on your family. Tell your husband that really it is

his responsibility to stand up for you.

Believe me, keep smiling sweetly and asking about her tongue and she will soon

give up!

Be well and happy

Lesley

From: Dalanne <tombstone1968@...>

Subject: [ ] Nonsupportive family member and how I stood up for myself

Date: Wednesday, 10 June, 2009, 2:44 AM

Last Monday was a doozy. I called my mother-in-law to ask if our youngest

could spend the night- I had to leave early to get my Orencia infusion first

thing the next morning & thought if she could sleep at Grandmas then I wouldn't

have to wake her up at 6am. Mom-in-law began asking questions about my RA, how

the medication works, how my knees are (Osteoarthritis there), etc. After 21

years of being married into the family I should have known better but I let my

guard down.

Oh my precious Nelly but how she lit into me. I found out later from my dear

hubby that she was spoiling for a fight & I blindly entered the scene. She

started in on how Leroy (AKA for another bro-in-law) has RA and HE isn't taking

anything but pain medication and basically How Dare I " happily " take such

expensive medicine and it's all my fault that our health insurance has gone up

to $2200 per month for our family of 5. Ah, I left out that it's all my fault

that my knees are bad because I'm " hideously overweight " . Yeah. Sure. I was in

such a good mood until I spoke with her.

Something happened to me during that phone call. Instead of sitting there

listening to her rant at me like I have dutifully done many times over 21

yrs...instead. .. for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I argued back. She got louder &

so did I just to make myself be heard. I told her that all RA medications are

expensive. I told her that Leroy told me himself that he has never been to a Dr.

to be diagnosed with any specific arthritis & that by taking such strong pain

medications (Oxy and others) that he will be a prescrip drug addict in years to

come whereas I'll still be a functioning mobile mother with a decent life. As to

insurance I reminded her that everyones insurance across the boards has gone up-

we are not as special as she thinks.

Then I hit upon my weight which has been an ongoing target of hers for years.

Yeah, I'm fat. I'm 5 feet 4 3/4 inches tall. I am 286 pounds of solid voluptuous

woman with an attitude. I told her that I know I'm fat and I don't need her to

remind me of it every time she gets a cob up her behind and " My weight is

between my Dr, my husband, and me. It is NONE of YOUR business anymore. " I ended

my part of the call by telling her that I don't appreciate being talked to in

such a rude manner and I will not allow her or anyone else to talk to me like

that. Period. I heard her yelling that I had to " sit down and listen to what

(she) had to say to (me) " as I hung the phone up. She probably didn't know I'd

hung up for a good 10 minutes or so.

My husband told me he is proud of me for not taking her crap and he is ignoring

her as much as he can. Our youngest has no idea that anything is " wrong " and she

still likes going to Grandmas. I'm glad. However our son has overheard her

bitchin' to Leroy about me. I'm in good company as she doesn't talk nicely about

any of her other 3 daus-in-law either. Now our son doesn't like going into her

house for lunch anymore which is where the hub of the farming operation is

located. Our 15 yr old was at home when The Call took place and I didn't realize

that she was downstairs at the time. She heard my side of the conversation and

picked up on what Grandmas side was. Now the 15 yr old is angry with her Grandma

and doesn't want anything to do with her.

Despite all this I haven't felt this good mentally for years. All three kids and

dear hubby have noticed the improvement. I finally realized that only my husband

and my kids opinions are what matters. I'll never be a part of that family so

why did I so desperately want them to like me and accept me? Stress can really

add to the RA pain levels. After getting the Mom-in-law monkey off my back I

can't begin to tell you how much better the Orencia has been working. The only

thing that hurts are my hands and I can deal with that pain.

If you have too much stress in your life find some way to get rid of it. I'd

have preferred not to have the situation with my mom-in-law but either way that

load is gone and I don't miss it. I highly recommend serious stress reduction in

your lives as soon as possible!

Dalanne

Muggy Humid East Central Illinois

[Guest guest]

Gentle (((((HUGS))))) to you, Dalanne - and a H-U-G-E ATTA' GIRL!! I am so happy

to hear that you stood up to your MIL! In my case its MY family (not the inlaws)

that just don't get it. You're right - we HAVE to do whatever it takes to reduce

the stress levels in our lives. As much as I miss my family (2sis,1bro), I don't

miss the criticism, unsolicited opinions and negativity at all. We all know that

if we had control over this disease, a LOT of things would be different. But, we

don't have control and we have to do the best we can and if people don't like it

or understand - there's the door - don't let it hit you in the a$$ on the way

out!

I'm sorry your children have been subjected to Grandma's rants, but they see

first hand what you go through and its wonderful they are standing up for you!

Its only natural to want people to accept us for who we are and to show a little

bit of compassion for what we are going through - unfortunately, some people are

just plain cruel and everyone seems to have an opinion. You're right, though -

the stuff we are dealing with is only between us, our doctors and our

spouses/significant others. NO ONE has the right to treat us badly - and you

know? I've found that given time, they WILL get what they've got coming to them

- all the years of mistreatment and ugliness does NOT go unnoticed. Not that we

would or should wish anything bad on them, but what goes around, comes around.

Wishing you peace, love and pain free days.....Doreen

Last Monday was a doozy. I called my mother-in-law to ask if our youngest could

spend the night- I had to leave early to get my Orencia infusion first thing the

next morning & thought if she could sleep at Grandmas then I wouldn't have to

wake her up at 6am. Mom-in-law began asking questions about my RA, how the

medication works, how my knees are (Osteoarthritis there), etc. After 21 years

of being married into the family I should have known better but I let my guard

down.

Oh my precious Nelly but how she lit into me. I found out later from my dear

hubby that she was spoiling for a fight & I blindly entered the scene. She

started in on how Leroy (AKA for another bro-in-law) has RA and HE isn't taking

anything but pain medication and basically How Dare I " happily " take such

expensive medicine and it's all my fault that our health insurance has gone up

to $2200 per month for our family of 5. Ah, I left out that it's all my fault

that my knees are bad because I'm " hideously overweight " . Yeah. Sure. I was in

such a good mood until I spoke with her.

Something happened to me during that phone call. Instead of sitting there

listening to her rant at me like I have dutifully done many times over 21

yrs...instead... for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I argued back. She got louder &

so did I just to make myself be heard. I told her that all RA medications are

expensive. I told her that Leroy told me himself that he has never been to a Dr.

to be diagnosed with any specific arthritis & that by taking such strong pain

medications (Oxy and others) that he will be a prescrip drug addict in years to

come whereas I'll still be a functioning mobile mother with a decent life. As to

insurance I reminded her that everyones insurance across the boards has gone up-

we are not as special as she thinks.

Then I hit upon my weight which has been an ongoing target of hers for years.

Yeah, I'm fat. I'm 5 feet 4 3/4 inches tall. I am 286 pounds of solid voluptuous

woman with an attitude. I told her that I know I'm fat and I don't need her to

remind me of it every time she gets a cob up her behind and " My weight is

between my Dr, my husband, and me. It is NONE of YOUR business anymore. " I ended

my part of the call by telling her that I don't appreciate being talked to in

such a rude manner and I will not allow her or anyone else to talk to me like

that. Period. I heard her yelling that I had to " sit down and listen to what

(she) had to say to (me) " as I hung the phone up. She probably didn't know I'd

hung up for a good 10 minutes or so.

My husband told me he is proud of me for not taking her crap and he is ignoring

her as much as he can. Our youngest has no idea that anything is " wrong " and she

still likes going to Grandmas. I'm glad. However our son has overheard her

bitchin' to Leroy about me. I'm in good company as she doesn't talk nicely about

any of her other 3 daus-in-law either. Now our son doesn't like going into her

house for lunch anymore which is where the hub of the farming operation is

located. Our 15 yr old was at home when The Call took place and I didn't realize

that she was downstairs at the time. She heard my side of the conversation and

picked up on what Grandmas side was. Now the 15 yr old is angry with her Grandma

and doesn't want anything to do with her.

Despite all this I haven't felt this good mentally for years. All three kids

and dear hubby have noticed the improvement. I finally realized that only my

husband and my kids opinions are what matters. I'll never be a part of that

family so why did I so desperately want them to like me and accept me? Stress

can really add to the RA pain levels. After getting the Mom-in-law monkey off my

back I can't begin to tell you how much better the Orencia has been working. The

only thing that hurts are my hands and I can deal with that pain.

If you have too much stress in your life find some way to get rid of it. I'd

have preferred not to have the situation with my mom-in-law but either way that

load is gone and I don't miss it. I highly recommend serious stress reduction in

your lives as soon as possible!

Dalanne

Muggy Humid East Central Illinois

[Guest guest]

You go girl! Stand up for yourself!

I will never forget when my sister was first diagnosed with FMS about 2o years

ago. We, the family, all thought it was in her head. 9 years later I was

diagnosed with FMS, OA and RA. I have felt guilty ever since, and, our outlook

on her disease split the family and I've not even spoken to my sister in 17

years now, because of my ignorance. Try educating your mil, genlty at first.

See what literature you can find to explain your disease and mail it to her.

Hopefully, she'll read it and begin to understand. If not, go on without her.

Pray that she doesn't push it and hurt her grandchildren. Best wishes,

>

> Last Monday was a doozy. I called my mother-in-law to ask if our youngest

could spend the night- I had to leave early to get my Orencia infusion first

thing the next morning & thought if she could sleep at Grandmas then I wouldn't

have to wake her up at 6am. Mom-in-law began asking questions about my RA, how

the medication works, how my knees are (Osteoarthritis there), etc. After 21

years of being married into the family I should have known better but I let my

guard down.

>

> Oh my precious Nelly but how she lit into me. I found out later from my dear

hubby that she was spoiling for a fight & I blindly entered the scene. She

started in on how Leroy (AKA for another bro-in-law) has RA and HE isn't taking

anything but pain medication and basically How Dare I " happily " take such

expensive medicine and it's all my fault that our health insurance has gone up

to $2200 per month for our family of 5. Ah, I left out that it's all my fault

that my knees are bad because I'm " hideously overweight " . Yeah. Sure. I was in

such a good mood until I spoke with her.

>

> Something happened to me during that phone call. Instead of sitting there

listening to her rant at me like I have dutifully done many times over 21

yrs...instead... for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I argued back. She got louder &

so did I just to make myself be heard. I told her that all RA medications are

expensive. I told her that Leroy told me himself that he has never been to a Dr.

to be diagnosed with any specific arthritis & that by taking such strong pain

medications (Oxy and others) that he will be a prescrip drug addict in years to

come whereas I'll still be a functioning mobile mother with a decent life. As to

insurance I reminded her that everyones insurance across the boards has gone up-

we are not as special as she thinks.

>

> Then I hit upon my weight which has been an ongoing target of hers for years.

Yeah, I'm fat. I'm 5 feet 4 3/4 inches tall. I am 286 pounds of solid voluptuous

woman with an attitude. I told her that I know I'm fat and I don't need her to

remind me of it every time she gets a cob up her behind and " My weight is

between my Dr, my husband, and me. It is NONE of YOUR business anymore. " I ended

my part of the call by telling her that I don't appreciate being talked to in

such a rude manner and I will not allow her or anyone else to talk to me like

that. Period. I heard her yelling that I had to " sit down and listen to what

(she) had to say to (me) " as I hung the phone up. She probably didn't know I'd

hung up for a good 10 minutes or so.

>

> My husband told me he is proud of me for not taking her crap and he is

ignoring her as much as he can. Our youngest has no idea that anything is

" wrong " and she still likes going to Grandmas. I'm glad. However our son has

overheard her bitchin' to Leroy about me. I'm in good company as she doesn't

talk nicely about any of her other 3 daus-in-law either. Now our son doesn't

like going into her house for lunch anymore which is where the hub of the

farming operation is located. Our 15 yr old was at home when The Call took place

and I didn't realize that she was downstairs at the time. She heard my side of

the conversation and picked up on what Grandmas side was. Now the 15 yr old is

angry with her Grandma and doesn't want anything to do with her.

>

> Despite all this I haven't felt this good mentally for years. All three kids

and dear hubby have noticed the improvement. I finally realized that only my

husband and my kids opinions are what matters. I'll never be a part of that

family so why did I so desperately want them to like me and accept me? Stress

can really add to the RA pain levels. After getting the Mom-in-law monkey off my

back I can't begin to tell you how much better the Orencia has been working. The

only thing that hurts are my hands and I can deal with that pain.

>

> If you have too much stress in your life find some way to get rid of it. I'd

have preferred not to have the situation with my mom-in-law but either way that

load is gone and I don't miss it. I highly recommend serious stress reduction in

your lives as soon as possible!

>

> Dalanne

> Muggy Humid East Central Illinois

>

[Guest guest]

Dalanne, I am mentally doing cartwheels for you! I know how hard it must have

been to take that stand, and how hard it must be to know your children are

hearing crazy things like that. One of my daughters has a m-i-l from heck so

I've seen the damage it can do to the grandkids. Her husband finally cut ties

with his mom because it got so bad. Of course, it just solidifies my position as

the best, coolest grandma!

I have a sister-in-law who for some reason has great sympathy for other people

with RA and fibro, but she thinks if I was to wear something cute on a bad day,

or put on makeup, that will make me feel better. That reasoning being that if

you feel bad, you should " brighten yourself up " and that will make all the

difference in the world. And no, her name is not Poppins.....sheeesshhh!!

Rock on, girlfriend!

Jane in Dallas

>

> Last Monday was a doozy. I called my mother-in-law to ask if our youngest

could spend the night- I had to leave early to get my Orencia infusion first

thing the next morning & thought if she could sleep at Grandmas then I wouldn't

have to wake her up at 6am. Mom-in-law began asking questions about my RA, how

the medication works, how my knees are (Osteoarthritis there), etc. After 21

years of being married into the family I should have known better but I let my

guard down.

>

> Oh my precious Nelly but how she lit into me. I found out later from my dear

hubby that she was spoiling for a fight & I blindly entered the scene. She

started in on how Leroy (AKA for another bro-in-law) has RA and HE isn't taking

anything but pain medication and basically How Dare I " happily " take such

expensive medicine and it's all my fault that our health insurance has gone up

to $2200 per month for our family of 5. Ah, I left out that it's all my fault

that my knees are bad because I'm " hideously overweight " . Yeah. Sure. I was in

such a good mood until I spoke with her.

>

> Something happened to me during that phone call. Instead of sitting there

listening to her rant at me like I have dutifully done many times over 21

yrs...instead... for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I argued back. She got louder &

so did I just to make myself be heard. I told her that all RA medications are

expensive. I told her that Leroy told me himself that he has never been to a Dr.

to be diagnosed with any specific arthritis & that by taking such strong pain

medications (Oxy and others) that he will be a prescrip drug addict in years to

come whereas I'll still be a functioning mobile mother with a decent life. As to

insurance I reminded her that everyones insurance across the boards has gone up-

we are not as special as she thinks.

>

> Then I hit upon my weight which has been an ongoing target of hers for years.

Yeah, I'm fat. I'm 5 feet 4 3/4 inches tall. I am 286 pounds of solid voluptuous

woman with an attitude. I told her that I know I'm fat and I don't need her to

remind me of it every time she gets a cob up her behind and " My weight is

between my Dr, my husband, and me. It is NONE of YOUR business anymore. " I ended

my part of the call by telling her that I don't appreciate being talked to in

such a rude manner and I will not allow her or anyone else to talk to me like

that. Period. I heard her yelling that I had to " sit down and listen to what

(she) had to say to (me) " as I hung the phone up. She probably didn't know I'd

hung up for a good 10 minutes or so.

>

> My husband told me he is proud of me for not taking her crap and he is

ignoring her as much as he can. Our youngest has no idea that anything is

" wrong " and she still likes going to Grandmas. I'm glad. However our son has

overheard her bitchin' to Leroy about me. I'm in good company as she doesn't

talk nicely about any of her other 3 daus-in-law either. Now our son doesn't

like going into her house for lunch anymore which is where the hub of the

farming operation is located. Our 15 yr old was at home when The Call took place

and I didn't realize that she was downstairs at the time. She heard my side of

the conversation and picked up on what Grandmas side was. Now the 15 yr old is

angry with her Grandma and doesn't want anything to do with her.

>

> Despite all this I haven't felt this good mentally for years. All three kids

and dear hubby have noticed the improvement. I finally realized that only my

husband and my kids opinions are what matters. I'll never be a part of that

family so why did I so desperately want them to like me and accept me? Stress

can really add to the RA pain levels. After getting the Mom-in-law monkey off my

back I can't begin to tell you how much better the Orencia has been working. The

only thing that hurts are my hands and I can deal with that pain.

>

> If you have too much stress in your life find some way to get rid of it. I'd

have preferred not to have the situation with my mom-in-law but either way that

load is gone and I don't miss it. I highly recommend serious stress reduction in

your lives as soon as possible!

>

> Dalanne

> Muggy Humid East Central Illinois

>

[Guest guest]

Dalanne,

Way to go... There are alot of Monster in laws out there... Mine has been a

night mare for the last 7years, and when I finally stopped caring what she

thought, she's now pretty tolerable...

Go figure... All bullies just need to loose their power and hold over you, then

they loose the control...

Once again... Hooray for you!!!!

Bonnie

[Guest guest]

, OMG... I was just thinking the same thing as Sue... I figured I'd read

the rest of the posts and think how to best handle the situation. My sister and

I have rarely seen eye to eye and will still verbally have altercations... but

we're sisters! Nothing can ever change the bond we have and the past we've

shared. My hubby always calls her a B-tch and I know its true, but that doesn't

change the fact that I have hope that she will some day come around to the kind

hearted side... I will always have her back, even if I disagree with her...

(and believe me I'm not the quiet type, so she know when I disagree) but she

also knows that I am a firm believer in family! I think thats why I originally

tried to hard with my mother in law... I wanted her to be the greatest addition

to my family... Oh well, we can't win them all!

I'm sure things were said that caused poor relations between you and your

sister... I'm also sure that some will say you are only looking for support now

that you have issues as well... but really---You should care what everyone else

thinks... Perhaps your sister will open her arms crying asking you what took

you so long to come to your senses! Blood is thicker then water... and

forgiveness heals so many wounds that aren't even visible that's its just

amazing... If she chooses to stay hurt and not to forgive, then you at least

tried to use that olive branch and you can proceed with your life knowing that

you at least attempted to make amends.. I also live my life attempting to

avoid the " what if's " . I prefer knowing then just wondering...

Best of Luck... No one can say eating humble pie is fun or tasty.. But it just

might lift a void in your life

Bonnie

[Guest guest]

Hi Dalanne:

I am finally getting to answer your post below.

I am glad you rose to the occasion, and told that MIL bi--h off. She

is one hateful person. I feel bad that you had to indure her venom, but

glad you told her off in spades. You must feel so much freer now.

I hope things go better for you and your family. Go on without her in

your lives. Fine if your children want to spend time with their

Grandmother, but you and your husband can stay clear of all that venom.

She deserves to be all alone.

I am a family person, but would do nicely without her in my life.

Wishing you better days and a good life ahead.

Take care of yourself, your hubby, and your children. You will feel so

much better from now on.

God Bless you.

Hugs,

Barbara

> >

> > Last Monday was a doozy. I called my mother-in-law to ask if our

youngest could spend the night- I had to leave early to get my Orencia

infusion first thing the next morning & thought if she could sleep at

Grandmas then I wouldn't have to wake her up at 6am. Mom-in-law began

asking questions about my RA, how the medication works, how my knees are

(Osteoarthritis there), etc. After 21 years of being married into the

family I should have known better but I let my guard down.

> >

> > Oh my precious Nelly but how she lit into me. I found out later from

my dear hubby that she was spoiling for a fight & I blindly entered the

scene. She started in on how Leroy (AKA for another bro-in-law) has RA

and HE isn't taking anything but pain medication and basically How Dare

I " happily " take such expensive medicine and it's all my fault that our

health insurance has gone up to $2200 per month for our family of 5. Ah,

I left out that it's all my fault that my knees are bad because I'm

" hideously overweight " . Yeah. Sure. I was in such a good mood until I

spoke with her.

> >

> > Something happened to me during that phone call. Instead of sitting

there listening to her rant at me like I have dutifully done many times

over 21 yrs...instead... for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I argued back.

She got louder & so did I just to make myself be heard. I told her that

all RA medications are expensive. I told her that Leroy told me himself

that he has never been to a Dr. to be diagnosed with any specific

arthritis & that by taking such strong pain medications (Oxy and others)

that he will be a prescrip drug addict in years to come whereas I'll

still be a functioning mobile mother with a decent life. As to insurance

I reminded her that everyones insurance across the boards has gone up-

we are not as special as she thinks.

> >

> > Then I hit upon my weight which has been an ongoing target of hers

for years. Yeah, I'm fat. I'm 5 feet 4 3/4 inches tall. I am 286 pounds

of solid voluptuous woman with an attitude. I told her that I know I'm

fat and I don't need her to remind me of it every time she gets a cob up

her behind and " My weight is between my Dr, my husband, and me. It is

NONE of YOUR business anymore. " I ended my part of the call by telling

her that I don't appreciate being talked to in such a rude manner and I

will not allow her or anyone else to talk to me like that. Period. I

heard her yelling that I had to " sit down and listen to what (she) had

to say to (me) " as I hung the phone up. She probably didn't know I'd

hung up for a good 10 minutes or so.

> >

> > My husband told me he is proud of me for not taking her crap and he

is ignoring her as much as he can. Our youngest has no idea that

anything is " wrong " and she still likes going to Grandmas. I'm glad.

However our son has overheard her bitchin' to Leroy about me. I'm in

good company as she doesn't talk nicely about any of her other 3

daus-in-law either. Now our son doesn't like going into her house for

lunch anymore which is where the hub of the farming operation is

located. Our 15 yr old was at home when The Call took place and I didn't

realize that she was downstairs at the time. She heard my side of the

conversation and picked up on what Grandmas side was. Now the 15 yr old

is angry with her Grandma and doesn't want anything to do with her.

> >

> > Despite all this I haven't felt this good mentally for years. All

three kids and dear hubby have noticed the improvement. I finally

realized that only my husband and my kids opinions are what matters.

I'll never be a part of that family so why did I so desperately want

them to like me and accept me? Stress can really add to the RA pain

levels. After getting the Mom-in-law monkey off my back I can't begin to

tell you how much better the Orencia has been working. The only thing

that hurts are my hands and I can deal with that pain.

> >

> > If you have too much stress in your life find some way to get rid of

it. I'd have preferred not to have the situation with my mom-in-law but

either way that load is gone and I don't miss it. I highly recommend

serious stress reduction in your lives as soon as possible!

> >

> > Dalanne

> > Muggy Humid East Central Illinois

> >

> I can totally relate! im just gonna be starting on enbrel, and nobody

really understands why i need it!I was MTX for over a year and it

finally cought up with me. my liver was acting up. so now we are going

to try the enbrel. nobody deserves to be treated like she had been

toward you! I would of told her long time ago to get lost!Relatives can

be so cruel!i have got RA also,plus OA and DDD in lower back.I try not

to take a whole lot of drugs i've that route yrs ago when i was dxs with

fms.everyone things im crazy sometimes.... but any way we all can

understand each other so well!

> ,

> the midwest,good olde nebraska

>

[Guest guest]

Woo Hoo! Excellent in telling her off. Sounds like this was long overdo.

I'm glad that your hubby is supportive of it also. How are your symptoms doing

since you unloaded the stress? D. in HOT south Louisiana

>

> Last Monday was a doozy. I called my mother-in-law to ask if our youngest

could spend the night- I had to leave early to get my Orencia infusion first

thing the next morning & thought if she could sleep at Grandmas then I wouldn't

have to wake her up at 6am. Mom-in-law began asking questions about my RA, how

the medication works, how my knees are (Osteoarthritis there), etc. After 21

years of being married into the family I should have known better but I let my

guard down.

>

> Oh my precious Nelly but how she lit into me. I found out later from my dear

hubby that she was spoiling for a fight & I blindly entered the scene. She

started in on how Leroy (AKA for another bro-in-law) has RA and HE isn't taking

anything but pain medication and basically How Dare I " happily " take such

expensive medicine and it's all my fault that our health insurance has gone up

to $2200 per month for our family of 5. Ah, I left out that it's all my fault

that my knees are bad because I'm " hideously overweight " . Yeah. Sure. I was in

such a good mood until I spoke with her.

>

> Something happened to me during that phone call. Instead of sitting there

listening to her rant at me like I have dutifully done many times over 21

yrs...instead... for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I argued back. She got louder &

so did I just to make myself be heard. I told her that all RA medications are

expensive. I told her that Leroy told me himself that he has never been to a Dr.

to be diagnosed with any specific arthritis & that by taking such strong pain

medications (Oxy and others) that he will be a prescrip drug addict in years to

come whereas I'll still be a functioning mobile mother with a decent life. As to

insurance I reminded her that everyones insurance across the boards has gone up-

we are not as special as she thinks.

>

> Then I hit upon my weight which has been an ongoing target of hers for years.

Yeah, I'm fat. I'm 5 feet 4 3/4 inches tall. I am 286 pounds of solid voluptuous

woman with an attitude. I told her that I know I'm fat and I don't need her to

remind me of it every time she gets a cob up her behind and " My weight is

between my Dr, my husband, and me. It is NONE of YOUR business anymore. " I ended

my part of the call by telling her that I don't appreciate being talked to in

such a rude manner and I will not allow her or anyone else to talk to me like

that. Period. I heard her yelling that I had to " sit down and listen to what

(she) had to say to (me) " as I hung the phone up. She probably didn't know I'd

hung up for a good 10 minutes or so.

>

> My husband told me he is proud of me for not taking her crap and he is

ignoring her as much as he can. Our youngest has no idea that anything is

" wrong " and she still likes going to Grandmas. I'm glad. However our son has

overheard her bitchin' to Leroy about me. I'm in good company as she doesn't

talk nicely about any of her other 3 daus-in-law either. Now our son doesn't

like going into her house for lunch anymore which is where the hub of the

farming operation is located. Our 15 yr old was at home when The Call took place

and I didn't realize that she was downstairs at the time. She heard my side of

the conversation and picked up on what Grandmas side was. Now the 15 yr old is

angry with her Grandma and doesn't want anything to do with her.

>

> Despite all this I haven't felt this good mentally for years. All three kids

and dear hubby have noticed the improvement. I finally realized that only my

husband and my kids opinions are what matters. I'll never be a part of that

family so why did I so desperately want them to like me and accept me? Stress

can really add to the RA pain levels. After getting the Mom-in-law monkey off my

back I can't begin to tell you how much better the Orencia has been working. The

only thing that hurts are my hands and I can deal with that pain.

>

> If you have too much stress in your life find some way to get rid of it. I'd

have preferred not to have the situation with my mom-in-law but either way that

load is gone and I don't miss it. I highly recommend serious stress reduction in

your lives as soon as possible!

>

> Dalanne

> Muggy Humid East Central Illinois

>

[Guest guest]

To everyone who kindly responded:

Thanks so much! I feel so much better now that I've cut that cord. She doesn't

realize how the things that she says hurts those around her. Even telling

her...well, it just doesn't get through. I know that I can't change her but I

have changed the way I think. She dropped in today and was clueless about the

hurting. Oh, well. That is just her. I'm prepared now. Didn't used to be. I just

wanted her to like me. I realize that it doesn't matter if she does or not. It

was so much nicer talking to her today knowing that. Because my hubby and his

brothers work together I have to have constant contact with her. Now I know I

can handle it quite well.

Getting all this solved has helped my blood pressure. I and my husband leave

Sunday for Mayo Clinic. He has PSVT and a past ablation didn't help him but

instead made it worse. So we're going up there to see if they can help him. He

doesn't want a pacemaker- he's only 44 but if that is what it takes then so be

it.

Thanks All!

Dalanne

In a Very Relaxed State

>

>

> Hi Dalanne:

>

> I am finally getting to answer your post below.

>

> I am glad you rose to the occasion, and told that MIL bi--h off. She is one

hateful person. I feel bad that you had to indure her venom, but glad you told

her off in spades. You must feel so much freer now.

>

> I hope things go better for you and your family. Go on without her in your

lives. Fine if your children want to spend time with their Grandmother, but

you and your husband can stay clear of all that venom. She deserves to be all

alone.

>

> I am a family person, but would do nicely without her in my life.

>

> Wishing you better days and a good life ahead.

>

> Take care of yourself, your hubby, and your children. You will feel so

> much better from now on.

>

> God Bless you.

>

> Hugs,

>

> Barbara

[Guest guest]

(((((Dalanne))))) I'm so happy to hear you are feeling so much better. Doing

what you've done is sometimes necessary in the grand scheme of things - even if

its not a popular choice with some - we HAVE to keep our stress levels down.

Best of luck with your hubby and his PSVT. That sounds so scary. I pray they are

able to figure out the best plan of action for him and that he's feeling better

soon.

Keep us posted. We care.....Doreen

To everyone who kindly responded:

Thanks so much! I feel so much better now that I've cut that cord. She doesn't

realize how the things that she says hurts those around her. Even telling

her...well, it just doesn't get through. I know that I can't change her but I

have changed the way I think. She dropped in today and was clueless about the

hurting. Oh, well. That is just her. I'm prepared now. Didn't used to be. I just

wanted her to like me. I realize that it doesn't matter if she does or not. It

was so much nicer talking to her today knowing that. Because my hubby and his

brothers work together I have to have constant contact with her. Now I know I

can handle it quite well.

Getting all this solved has helped my blood pressure. I and my husband leave

Sunday for Mayo Clinic. He has PSVT and a past ablation didn't help him but

instead made it worse. So we're going up there to see if they can help him. He

doesn't want a pacemaker- he's only 44 but if that is what it takes then so be

it.

Thanks All!

Dalanne

In a Very Relaxed State

[Guest guest]

Dalanne, I'm happy that you've found a way to deal with your evil MIL.

Some people are toxic.

Not an MD

On Sat, Jun 13, 2009 at 1:59 PM, Dalanne <tombstone1968@...> wrote:

>

>

> To everyone who kindly responded:

>

> Thanks so much! I feel so much better now that I've cut that cord. She doesn't

realize how the things that she says hurts those around her. Even telling

her...well, it just doesn't get through. I know that I can't change her but I

have changed the way I think. She dropped in today and was clueless about the

hurting. Oh, well. That is just her. I'm prepared now. Didn't used to be. I just

wanted her to like me. I realize that it doesn't matter if she does or not. It

was so much nicer talking to her today knowing that. Because my hubby and his

brothers work together I have to have constant contact with her. Now I know I

can handle it quite well.

>

> Getting all this solved has helped my blood pressure. I and my husband leave

Sunday for Mayo Clinic. He has PSVT and a past ablation didn't help him but

instead made it worse. So we're going up there to see if they can help him. He

doesn't want a pacemaker- he's only 44 but if that is what it takes then so be

it.

>

> Thanks All!

>

> Dalanne

> In a Very Relaxed State