Leaving the group...

[Guest guest]

Hi, everyone!

This email serves kind of a bittersweet purpose. I knew that I would someday

leave the group. I have gotten so much out of this group. It helped me when I

didn't know where else to turn. To finally meet people who understand my

feelings was exactly what I needed. And I have made alot of good friends in

this group. I really don't think I could've made it this far without the

support of all of the women I have met through this group.

But, I feel like I've come to a new place... I feel like I am just outside of a

good place for my family and myself. In the last two days I've done alot of

thinking... I've made some really big decisions... I go through everyday and I

think about my angels when I'm falling asleep, or when I see other newborn

babies... But I smile when I think of them. I know it sounds odd. But I feel

like I've actually made peace with not knowing them. But then I come online and

I read my email, and it makes me think of them. But this time it is with

sadness. I guess bc everytime I read messages from here I start to remember the

desperation I was in when I was spending every free minute I had looking for

info on this... You all really mean alot to me, but I feel like I drag myself

down by being here if that makes any sense. And as much as I've longed to be

able to make peace with my life as it is but thought it would never happen, I

think it has. Granted, I haven't been able to talk to about it, but I'm

sure he'll understand where I'm coming from when I do... I have spent the last

almost 3 years of my life trying to have a uterine pregnancy... I have OBSESSED

over getting pg again. And I don't feel up to it anymore... I feel like all I

did was just dragging me down. I've always realized that having my daughter is

a blessing, but I haven't been the mother to her that I could be, that she

deserves... I have let this bring me to such desperate extremes. It is time

for me to place my focus on the small but beautiful family I already have. So,

basically, I've decided that I am no longer going to actively ttc. I won't go

back on the pill or any form of birth control. But I'm not going to try to

figure out when I'm ovulating and go to drs to try to get pg. It will just kind

of be one fo those " if it happens, great. If not, that's fine too "

situations...

For the most part I am really happy with my decision. I feel like it is really

what I need at this point. Just thinking of it makes me feel better and so

positive about all kinds of things. But I will miss you all.

Anyone who ever wants to send me an update or would like to talk, feel free! I

would love to hear from you. You've become my friends, and I cherish my

friends. I'm also still on AOL instant messenger using amy11679.

Krista, I just want to send out one last thank you to you! If it had not been

for your site and the link to this group, I truly don't think I would've made it

through such a difficult time in my life. You have done such a wonderful thing

for so many people, you are such a great person! I will always admire you for

turning something so tragic into something so great for others.

And, so with that said, I'm leaving now. I will miss you and I wish you all the

best of everything!

(The last time I will use this as my signature!)

*****Amy*****

married to my army man, -2/14/97-

mommy to...

-6/18/97-

~Samara~ (ep) -6/30/98-

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