Major Rant.. any suggestions?

[Guest guest]

Good evening everyone..

I have to write tonight to get this off of my chest.. before I just

explode.. I dont' think that I have been this angry, this disillusioned in

quite some time.. I was, earlier this evening, shaking w/soo much anger, and

hurt.. that all I could do was feel the tears well up in my eyes at the

stupidity of it all..

this evening, my Mother and I decided to go out to dinner.. we hadn't done

that in a while, in an effort to save money.. I went on strike tonight, LOL,

and said that I wanted to go out.. ))

Now, I wish that I had of cooked at home.. We settled on Red Lobster, as

that is one of our favorite places..

Let me explain, kind of a detour.. Usually, I will call ahead to the

restaurant, and request accommodating seating, because of my disability and

inability to fit in small chairs, or booths.. I did that this evening as

well, however, the person that took the call said that they didn't have call

ahead seating.. OK, soo, I knew of 3 places in the restaurant that I could

sit w/out pain.. and went w/the thought that I would request one of them..

One is a round booth, where the table moves freely.. and there are two

regular booths in the non smoking section that work as well.. they are on

the end, and the booths will move..

The Manager of the place knows me and my Mom pretty well.. soo, when we got

there, we asked for seating in one of those 3 places.. w/the round table

being the preferred spot.. As the hostess was leading us to the table.. one

of the seating personnel said loud enough for everybody in the lobby to hear

it.. " you should go to Mickey D's for a round table.. we don't accommodate

that

here " and then he laughed.. So did the people w/him, albeit uncomfortably..

I heard the exchange, as did the manager as he greeted us.. When we were

seated, I asked to speak to the manager immediately.. I was soo mad, my

mother wanted to know what was wrong.. she had not heard the quip.. I gave

her a brief response.. and waited for mgmt to get to the table.. When he got

there, I lost it.. I was shaking, tears were in my eyes, as I recounted what

I had heard.. he tried to play it off for a minute or two, making it sound

as if I hadn't heard it..

He was a black guy, and in order for me to get his attention.. I had to say

to him.. " If someone made a remark w/in earshot of your racial makeup, how

would it make you feel? " He immediately responded that he would not

tolerate it.. EVER.. I told him that the man that said it has no idea what I

deal with on a day to day basis.. he has no idea what pain I handle, or how

hard it is for me to deal with.. and that he had no right to say anything

like that to me.. I demanded an apology from the guy.. The mgr asked me to

calm down, and give him a few minutes to talk to the man, and then he would

bring him over to the table.. Soo.. I waited.. and shook the whole time.. I

could not order my meal for a while.. and was trying hard not to be abrupt

with the wait staff, cause she had nothing to do with this..

Soon after, the manager came back to the table with some guy, probably 20

years old or less.. who appeared to be Hispanic.. or of a Latin descent..

His name was Elijah.. The manager again apologized for the restaurant, and

then gave me the floor.. I told Elijah that he was wrong to make comments

like that.. that he had no clue what I go thru, nor the discrimination that

I deal with on a daily basis because of my disability.. I told him that he

would not like it if someone made cracks about his race, or his coloring, or

anything that he had no control over, now would he? You should have seen

his face.. He just hung his head, apologized.. said he was sorry, he didn't

mean it in a bad way.. and that he was only teasing.. I told him that he

should watch what he says to people he doesnt' know anything about.. that

what he said, while to him, it was a joke, it obviously wasnt' a joke to me,

and adversely affected me.. I asked him what right did he think he had to

make ribald comments like that about someone he knows nothing about? My Mom

was just sitting there w/her jaw dropped down.. she could not believe how

upset I was.. Neither could I..

But you know what? before joining adult children recovery, ( a subsidiary

of alanon) I would have cried about that

statement, but would not have said a word.. Unfortunately, I didn't enjoy

the meal, because I was soo angry.. I did calm down after about an hour or

so.. but even now, almost 5 hours later, it is still chapping my butt.. I

think the thing that upset me more than anything is that he said it loud

enough for the whole lobby of customers waiting could hear him, and so could

I, as I was walking away.. it obviously pushed buttons that I had long

forgotten.. kids used to be soo mean to me in school.. they would call me

all names aside from a child of God, and ridicule me unmercifully.. they

stuck pencils in my butt on the school bus, and made fun of me behind my

back, whispering into their hands.. It is no wonder that I didn't grow up

with a serious drug or alcohol problem.. Verbal abuse is soo insidious, so

harmful, and no one seems to realize what harm it actually can do.. Perhaps

it was an old issue, I dont' know..

The Manager paid for my dinner tonight.. gave me carte blanche.. in an

effort to soothe my wounded heart.. I told him that I just wanted to boy to

have a little couth.. that stuff like that can't be said in public places

w/out running a strong risk of suit.. I told him that I had JUST as much

right to be comfortable in this restaurant as any other patron here.. and

that it wasn't right for him to have employees who supposedly *joked* like

that in public.. I didnt' do major damage to the bill.. But I should have..

I dont' know.. maybe not.. It just makes me soo furious to hear and/or see

people being treated badly because they are not like the rest of the world..

As I was saying above.. there was a time when I would have just went off in

a corner stall in the restroom, and cried my heart out.. kept my mouth shut,

and dealt with it internally.. My HS would have flared, my stomach would

have been sick.. and my heart would have been hurt.. there have been lots of

people here on my 12 step lists who have said that they are not responsible

for

what other people percieve their words to mean.. only what they say.. I

haven't ever understood that tenet of recovery.. Can someone explain that

one to me.. Because I truly believe that Elijah was most definitely

responsible tonight.. and as such, he should have apologized..

Can someone give me a clue how to handle this now that it is over, so that

it does not affect me for a while yet? I have tried the Let go, Let God

thing about a zillion times this night, and it isn't working right now..

Love