The truth about me, all my flaws you guys don't know.

March 16, 2008

Hi everyone,

Don't ask me why I'm writing this, guess I just feel like this is a

chapter in my life I need to clear out or close. Ever since I got

sick, my whole life has changed, you all know exactly what I mean.

It's hard for me to write this, but I feel like I can tell you guys,

so please bear with me.

I don't read all the posts anymore, but don't be upset, I've even

gotten to where I don't want to take calls from my friends. All I

think about anymore is going home. I know this sounds terrible when I

know Joyce is fighting so hard to stay here.

Did any of you know I smoke? I have since I was 18. I quit 2 times

since my diagnosis. But I went back thinking I'm gonna die anyway,

why does it matter?

I stay at home everyday, alone, I try hard to sleep in until 12 or 1

so I won't be alone so long. Gene gets home from work about 3:30 but

then sometimes he's so tired he falls asleep and I'm alone again. My

son drives semi long haul, but he didnt stop over before he started

that job anyway. My daughter used to come over but not much anymore,

shes busy with school and friends. My husband is exhausted from

working so hard and taking care of me. MY dear brother will listen

to me anytime but he has his hands full with his family, I can't dump

on him anymore. I just want to go home. No more pain, no more tears,

just pure peace.I used to worry if my family would be ok when I was

gone, but I think they will be ok.

Anyways, please don't hate me you guys, I just had to get this off my

chest. I love you all and I pray for all of you everynite.

LOve you always,

Vicky81856 MI Idiopathic Pulmonary Hemosiderosis, Pulmonary

Fibrosis, Hammond Rich Syndrome, Cor Pulmonale COPD 4/06

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